itwas
.
It
merely
took
hold
of
her
,
the
most
poignant
and
ultimate
hatred
,
pure
and
clear
and
beyond
thought
.
She
could
not
think
of
it
at
all
,
she
was
translated
beyond
herself
.
It
was
like
a
possession
.
She
felt
she
was
possessed
.
And
for
several
days
she
went
about
possessed
by
this
exquisite
force
of
hatred
against
him
.
It
surpassed
anything
she
had
ever
known
before
,
it
seemed
to
throw
her
out
of
the
world
into
some
terrible
region
where
nothing
of
her
old
life
held
good
.
She
was
quite
lost
and
dazed
,
really
dead
to
her
own
life
.
It
was
so
completely
incomprehensible
and
irrational
.
She
did
not
know
why
she
hated
him
,
her
hate
was
quite
abstract
.
She
had
only
realised
with
a
shock
that
stunned
her
,
that
she
was
overcome
by
this
pure
transportation
.
He
was
the
enemy
,
fine
as
a
diamond
,
and
as
hard
and
jewel-like
,
the
quintessence
of
all
that
was
inimical
.
She
thought
of
his
face
,
white
and
purely
wrought
,
and
of
his
eyes
that
had
such
a
dark
,
constant
will
of
assertion
,
and
she
touched
her
own
forehead
,
to
feel
if
she
were
mad
,
she
was
so
transfigured
in
white
flame
of
essential
hate
.
It
was
not
temporal
,
her
hatred
,
she
did
not
hate
him
for
this
or
for
that
;
she
did
not
want
to
do
anything
to
him
,
to
have
any
connection
with
him
.
Her
relation
was
ultimate
and
utterly
beyond
words
,
the
hate
was
so
pure
and
gemlike
.
It
was
as
if
he
were
a
beam
of
essential
enmity
,
a
beam
of
light
that
did
not
only
destroy
her
,
but
denied
her
altogether
,
revoked
her
whole
world
.
She
saw
him
as
a
clear
stroke
of
uttermost
contradiction
,
a
strange
gem-like
being
whose
existence
defined
her
own
non-existence
.
When
she
heard
he
was
ill
again
,
her
hatred
only
intensified
itself
a
few
degrees
,
if
that
were
possible
.
It
stunned
her
and
annihilated
her
,
but
she
could
not
escape
it
.
She
could
not
escape
this
transfiguration
of
hatred
that
had
come
upon
her
.
CHAPTER
XVI
.
MAN
TO
MAN
He
lay
sick
and
unmoved
,
in
pure
opposition
to
everything
.
He
knew
how
near
to
breaking
was
the
vessel
that
held
his
life
.
He
knew
also
how
strong
and
durable
it
was
.
And
he
did
not
care
.
Better
a
thousand
times
take
one’s
chance
with
death
,
than
accept
a
life
one
did
not
want
.
But
best
of
all
to
persist
and
persist
and
persist
for
ever
,
till
one
were
satisfied
in
life
.
He
knew
that
Ursula
was
referred
back
to
him
.
He
knew
his
life
rested
with
her
.
But
he
would
rather
not
live
than
accept
the
love
she
proffered
.
The
old
way
of
love
seemed
a
dreadful
bondage
,
a
sort
of
conscription
.
What
it
was
in
him
he
did
not
know
,
but
the
thought
of
love
,
marriage
,
and
children
,
and
a
life
lived
together
,
in
the
horrible
privacy
of
domestic
and
connubial
satisfaction
,
was
repulsive
.
He
wanted
something
clearer
,
more
open
,
cooler
,
as
it
were
.
The
hot
narrow
intimacy
between
man
and
wife
was
abhorrent
.
The
way
they
shut
their
doors
,
these
married
people
,
and
shut
themselves
in
to
their
own
exclusive
alliance
with
each
other
,
even
in
love
,
disgusted
him
.
It
was
a
whole
community
of
mistrustful
couples
insulated
in
private
houses
or
private
rooms
,
always
in
couples
,
and
no
further
life
,
no
further
immediate
,
no
disinterested
relationship
admitted
:
a
kaleidoscope
of
couples
,
disjoined
,
separatist
,
meaningless
entities
of
married
couples
.
True
,
he
hated
promiscuity
even
worse
than
marriage
,
and
a
liaison
was
only
another
kind
of
coupling
,
reactionary
from
the
legal
marriage
.
Reaction
was
a
greater
bore
than
action
.
On
the
whole
,
he
hated
sex
,
it
was
such
a
limitation
.
It
was
sex
that
turned
a
man
into
a
broken
half
of
a
couple
,
the
woman
into
the
other
broken
half
.
And
he
wanted
to
be
single
in
himself
,
the
woman
single
in
herself
.
He
wanted
sex
to
revert
to
the
level
of
the
other
appetites
,
to
be
regarded
as
a
functional
process
,
not
as
a
fulfilment
.
He
believed
in
sex
marriage
.
But
beyond
this
,
he
wanted
a
further
conjunction
,
where
man
had
being
and
woman
had
being
,
two
pure
beings
,
each
constituting
the
freedom
of
the
other
,
balancing
each
other
like
two
poles
of
one
force
,
like
two
angels
,
or
two
demons
.
He
wanted
so
much
to
be
free
,
not
under
the
compulsion
of
any
need
for
unification
,
or
tortured
by
unsatisfied
desire
.
Desire
and
aspiration
should
find
their
object
without
all
this
torture
,
as
now
,
in
a
world
of
plenty
of
water
,
simple
thirst
is
inconsiderable
,
satisfied
almost
unconsciously
.
And
he
wanted
to
be
with
Ursula
as
free
as
with
himself
,
single
and
clear
and
cool
,
yet
balanced
,
polarised
with
her
.
The
merging
,
the
clutching
,
the
mingling
of
love
was
become
madly
abhorrent
to
him
.
But
it
seemed
to
him
,
woman
was
always
so
horrible
and
clutching
,
she
had
such
a
lust
for
possession
,
a
greed
of
self-importance
in
love
.
She
wanted
to
have
,
to
own
,
to
control
,
to
be
dominant
.
Everything
must
be
referred
back
to
her
,
to
Woman
,
the
Great
Mother
of
everything
,
out
of
whom
proceeded
everything
and
to
whom
everything
must
finally
be
rendered
up
.
It
filled
him
with
almost
insane
fury
,
this
calm
assumption
of
the
Magna
Mater
,
that
all
was
hers
,
because
she
had
borne
it
.
Man
was
hers
because
she
had
borne
him
.
A
Mater
Dolorosa
,
she
had
borne
him
,
a
Magna
Mater
,
she
now
claimed
him
again
,
soul
and
body
,
sex
,
meaning
,
and
all
.
He
had
a
horror
of
the
Magna
Mater
,
she
was
detestable
.
She
was
on
a
very
high
horse
again
,
was
woman
,
the
Great
Mother
.
Did
he
not
know
it
in
Hermione
.
Hermione
,
the
humble
,
the
subservient
,
what
was
she
all
the
while
but
the
Mater
Dolorosa
,
in
her
subservience
,
claiming
with
horrible
,
insidious
arrogance
and
female
tyranny
,
her
own
again
,
claiming
back
the
man
she
had
borne
in
suffering
.
By
her
very
suffering
and
humility
she
bound
her
son
with
chains
,
she
held
him
her
everlasting
prisoner
.
And
Ursula
,
Ursula
was
the
same
—
or
the
inverse
.
She
too
was
the
awful
,
arrogant
queen
of
life
,
as
if
she
were
a
queen
bee
on
whom
all
the
rest
depended
.
He
saw
the
yellow
flare
in
her
eyes
,
he
knew
the
unthinkable
overweening
assumption
of
primacy
in
her
.
She
was
unconscious
of
it
herself
.
She
was
only
too
ready
to
knock
her
head
on
the
ground
before
a
man
.
But
this
was
only
when
she
was
so
certain
of
her
man
,
that
she
could
worship
him
as
a
woman
worships
her
own
infant
,
with
a
worship
of
perfect
possession
.
It
was
intolerable
,
this
possession
at
the
hands
of
woman
.
Always
a
man
must
be
considered
as
the
broken
off
fragment
of
a
woman
,
and
the
sex
was
the
still
aching
scar
of
the
laceration
.
Man
must
be
added
on
to
a
woman
,
before
he
had
any
real
place
or
wholeness
.
And
why
?
Why
should
we
consider
ourselves
,
men
and
women
,
as
broken
fragments
of
one
whole
?
It
is
not
true
.
We
are
not
broken
fragments
of
one
whole
.
Rather
we
are
the
singling
away
into
purity
and
clear
being
,
of
things
that
were
mixed
.
Rather
the
sex
is
that
which
remains
in
us
of
the
mixed
,
the
unresolved
.
And
passion
is
the
further
separating
of
this
mixture
,
that
which
is
manly
being
taken
into
the
being
of
the
man
,
that
which
is
womanly
passing
to
the
woman
,
till
the
two
are
clear
and
whole
as
angels
,
the
admixture
of
sex
in
the
highest
sense
surpassed
,
leaving
two
single
beings
constellated
together
like
two
stars
.
In
the
old
age
,
before
sex
was
,
we
were
mixed
,
each
one
a
mixture
.
The
process
of
singling
into
individuality
resulted
into
the
great
polarisation
of
sex
.
The
womanly
drew
to
one
side
,
the
manly
to
the
other
.
But
the
separation
was
imperfect
even
them
.
And
so
our
world-cycle
passes
.
There
is
now
to
come
the
new
day
,
when
we
are
beings
each
of
us
,
fulfilled
in
difference
.
The
man
is
pure
man
,
the
woman
pure
woman
,
they
are
perfectly
polarised
.
But
there
is
no
longer
any
of
the
horrible
merging
,
mingling
self-abnegation
of
love
.
There
is
only
the
pure
duality
of
polarisation
,
each
one
free
from
any
contamination
of
the
other
.
In
each
,
the
individual
is
primal
,
sex
is
subordinate
,
but
perfectly
polarised
.
Each
has
a
single
,
separate
being
,
with
its
own
laws
.
The
man
has
his
pure
freedom
,
the
woman
hers
.
Each
acknowledges
the
perfection
of
the
polarised
sex-circuit
.
Each
admits
the
different
nature
in
the
other
.
So
Birkin
meditated
whilst
he
was
ill.
He
liked
sometimes
to
be
ill
enough
to
take
to
his
bed
.
For
then
he
got
better
very
quickly
,
and
things
came
to
him
clear
and
sure
.
Whilst
he
was
laid
up
,
Gerald
came
to
see
him
.
The
two
men
had
a
deep
,
uneasy
feeling
for
each
other
.
Gerald’s
eyes
were
quick
and
restless
,
his
whole
manner
tense
and
impatient
,
he
seemed
strung
up
to
some
activity
.
According
to
conventionality
,
he
wore
black
clothes
,
he
looked
formal
,
handsome
and
comme
il
faut
.
His
hair
was
fair
almost
to
whiteness
,
sharp
like
splinters
of
light
,
his
face
was
keen
and
ruddy
,
his
body
seemed
full
of
northern
energy
.
Gerald
really
loved
Birkin
,
though
he
never
quite
believed
in
him
.
Birkin
was
too
unreal
;
—
clever
,
whimsical
,
wonderful
,
but
not
practical
enough
.
Gerald
felt
that
his
own
understanding
was
much
sounder
and
safer
.
Birkin
was
delightful
,
a
wonderful
spirit
,
but
after
all
,
not
to
be
taken
seriously
,
not
quite
to
be
counted
as
a
man
among
men
.
“
Why
are
you
laid
up
again
?
”
he
asked
kindly
,
taking
the
sick
man’s
hand
.
It
was
always
Gerald
who
was
protective
,
offering
the
warm
shelter
of
his
physical
strength
.
“
For
my
sins
,
I
suppose
,
”
Birkin
said
,
smiling
a
little
ironically
.
“
For
your
sins
?
Yes
,
probably
that
is
so
.
You
should
sin
less
,
and
keep
better
in
health
?
”
“
You’d
better
teach
me
.
”
He
looked
at
Gerald
with
ironic
eyes
.
“
How
are
things
with
you
?
”
asked
Birkin
.
“
With
me
?
”
Gerald
looked
at
Birkin
,
saw
he
was
serious
,
and
a
warm
light
came
into
his
eyes
.
“
I
don’t
know
that
they’re
any
different
.
I
don’t
see
how
they
could
be
.
There’s
nothing
to
change
.
”
“
I
suppose
you
are
conducting
the
business
as
successfully
as
ever
,
and
ignoring
the
demand
of
the
soul
.
”
“
That’s
it
,
”
said
Gerald
.
“
At
least
as
far
as
the
business
is
concerned
.
I
couldn’t
say
about
the
soul
,
I’am
sure
.
”
“
No.
”
“
Surely
you
don’t
expect
me
to
?
”
laughed
Gerald
.
“
No.
How
are
the
rest
of
your
affairs
progressing
,
apart
from
the
business
?
”
“
The
rest
of
my
affairs
?
What
are
those
?
I
couldn’t
say
;
I
don’t
know
what
you
refer
to
.
”
“
Yes
,
you
do
,
”
said
Birkin
.
“
Are
you
gloomy
or
cheerful
?
And
what
about
Gudrun
Brangwen
?
”
“
What
about
her
?
”
A
confused
look
came
over
Gerald
.
“
Well
,
”
he
added
,
“
I
don’t
know
.
I
can
only
tell
you
she
gave
me
a
hit
over
the
face
last
time
I
saw
her
.
”
“
A
hit
over
the
face
!
What
for
?
”
“
That
I
couldn’t
tell
you
,
either
.
”
“
Really
!
But
when
?
”
“
The
night
of
the
party
—
when
Diana
was
drowned
.
She
was
driving
the
cattle
up
the
hill
,
and
I
went
after
her
—
you
remember
.
”
“
Yes
,
I
remember
.
But
what
made
her
do
that
?
You
didn’t
definitely
ask
her
for
it
,
I
suppose
?
”
“
I
?
No
,
not
that
I
know
of
.
I
merely
said
to
her
,
that
it
was
dangerous
to
drive
those
Highland
bullocks
—
as
it
is
.
She
turned
in
such
a
way
,
and
said
—
‘I
suppose
you
think
I’m
afraid
of
you
and
your
cattle
,
don’t
you
?
’
So
I
asked
her
‘why
,
’
and
for
answer
she
flung
me
a
back-hander
across
the
face
.
”
Birkin
laughed
quickly
,
as
if
it
pleased
him
.
Gerald
looked
at
him
,
wondering
,
and
began
to
laugh
as
well
,
saying
:
“
I
didn’t
laugh
at
the
time
,
I
assure
you
.
I
was
never
so
taken
aback
in
my
life
.
”
“
And
weren’t
you
furious
?
”
“
Furious
?
I
should
think
I
was
.
I’d
have
murdered
her
for
two
pins
.
”
“
H’m
!
”
ejaculated
Birkin
.
“
Poor
Gudrun
,
wouldn’t
she
suffer
afterwards
for
having
given
herself
away
!
”
He
was
hugely
delighted
.
“
Would
she
suffer
?
”
asked
Gerald
,
also
amused
now
.
Both
men
smiled
in
malice
and
amusement
.
“
Badly
,
I
should
think
;
seeing
how
self-conscious
she
is
.
”
“
She
is
self-conscious
,
is
she
?
Then
what
made
her
do
it
?
For
I
certainly
think
it
was
quite
uncalled-for
,
and
quite
unjustified
.
”
“
I
suppose
it
was
a
sudden
impulse
.
”
“
Yes
,
but
how
do
you
account
for
her
having
such
an
impulse
?
I’d
done
her
no
harm
.
”
Birkin
shook
his
head
.
“
The
Amazon
suddenly
came
up
in
her
,
I
suppose
,
”
he
said
.
“
Well
,
”
replied
Gerald
,
“
I’d
rather
it
had
been
the
Orinoco
.
”
They
both
laughed
at
the
poor
joke
.
Gerald
was
thinking
how
Gudrun
had
said
she
would
strike
the
last
blow
too
.
But
some
reserve
made
him
keep
this
back
from
Birkin
.
“
And
you
resent
it
?
”
Birkin
asked
.
“
I
don’t
resent
it
.
I
don’t
care
a
tinker’s
curse
about
it
.
”
He
was
silent
a
moment
,
then
he
added
,
laughing
.
“
No
,
I’ll
see
it
through
,
that’s
all
.
She
seemed
sorry
afterwards
.
”
“
Did
she
?
You’ve
not
met
since
that
night
?
”
Gerald’s
face
clouded
.
“
No
,
”
he
said
.
“
We’ve
been
—
you
can
imagine
how
it’s
been
,
since
the
accident
.
”
“
Yes
.
Is
it
calming
down
?
”
“
I
don’t
know
.
It’s
a
shock
,
of
course
.
But
I
don’t
believe
mother
minds
.
I
really
don’t
believe
she
takes
any
notice
.
And
what’s
so
funny
,
she
used
to
be
all
for
the
children
—
nothing
mattered
,
nothing
whatever
mattered
but
the
children
.
And
now
,
she
doesn’t
take
any
more
notice
than
if
it
was
one
of
the
servants
.
”
“
No
?
Did
it
upset
you
very
much
?
”
“
It’s
a
shock
.
But
I
don’t
feel
it
very
much
,
really
.
I
don’t
feel
any
different
.
We’ve
all
got
to
die
,
and
it
doesn’t
seem
to
make
any
great
difference
,
anyhow
,
whether
you
die
or
not
.
I
can’t
feel
any
grief
,
you
know
.
It
leaves
me
cold
.
I
can’t
quite
account
for
it
.
”
“
You
don’t
care
if
you
die
or
not
?
”
asked
Birkin
.
Gerald
looked
at
him
with
eyes
blue
as
the
blue-fibred
steel
of
a
weapon
.
He
felt
awkward
,
but
indifferent
.
As
a
matter
of
fact
,
he
did
care
terribly
,
with
a
great
fear
.
“
Oh
,
”
he
said
,
“
I
don’t
want
to
die
,
why
should
I
?
But
I
never
trouble
.
The
question
doesn’t
seem
to
be
on
the
carpet
for
me
at
all
.
It
doesn’t
interest
me
,
you
know
.
”
“
Timor
mortis
conturbat
me
,
”
quoted
Birkin
,
adding
—
“
No
,
death
doesn’t
really
seem
the
point
any
more
.
It
curiously
doesn’t
concern
one
.
It’s
like
an
ordinary
tomorrow
.
”
Gerald
looked
closely
at
his
friend
.
The
eyes
of
the
two
men
met
,
and
an
unspoken
understanding
was
exchanged
.
Gerald
narrowed
his
eyes
,
his
face
was
cool
and
unscrupulous
as
he
looked
at
Birkin
,
impersonally
,
with
a
vision
that
ended
in
a
point
in
space
,
strangely
keen-eyed
and
yet
blind
.
“
If
death
isn’t
the
point
,
”
he
said
,
in
a
strangely
abstract
,
cold
,
fine
voice
—
“
what
is
?
”
He
sounded
as
if
he
had
been
found
out
.
“
What
is
?
”
re-echoed
Birkin
.
And
there
was
a
mocking
silence
.
“
There’s
long
way
to
go
,
after
the
point
of
intrinsic
death
,
before
we
disappear
,
”
said
Birkin
.
“
There
is
,
”
said
Gerald
.
“
But
what
sort
of
way
?
”
He
seemed
to
press
the
other
man
for
knowledge
which
he
himself
knew
far
better
than
Birkin
did
.
“
Right
down
the
slopes
of
degeneration
—
mystic
,
universal
degeneration
.
There
are
many
stages
of
pure
degradation
to
go
through
:
agelong
.
We
live
on
long
after
our
death
,
and
progressively
,
in
progressive
devolution
.
”
Gerald
listened
with
a
faint
,
fine
smile
on
his
face
,
all
the
time
,
as
if
,
somewhere
,
he
knew
so
much
better
than
Birkin
,
all
about
this
:
as
if
his
own
knowledge
were
direct
and
personal
,
whereas
Birkin’s
was
a
matter
of
observation
and
inference
,
not
quite
hitting
the
nail
on
the
head
:
—
though
aiming
near
enough
at
it
.
But
he
was
not
going
to
give
himself
away
.
If
Birkin
could
get
at
the
secrets
,
let
him
.
Gerald
would
never
help
him
.
Gerald
would
be
a
dark
horse
to
the
end
.
“
Of
course
,
”
he
said
,
with
a
startling
change
of
conversation
,
“
it
is
father
who
really
feels
it
.
It
will
finish
him
.
For
him
the
world
collapses
.
All
his
care
now
is
for
Winnie
—
he
must
save
Winnie
.
He
says
she
ought
to
be
sent
away
to
school
,
but
she
won’t
hear
of
it
,
and
he’ll
never
do
it
.
Of
course
she
is
in
rather
a
queer
way
.
We’re
all
of
us
curiously
bad
at
living
.
We
can
do
things
—
but
we
can’t
get
on
with
life
at
all
.
It’s
curious
—
a
family
failing
.
”
“
She
oughtn’t
to
be
sent
away
to
school
,
”
said
Birkin
,
who
was
considering
a
new
proposition
.
“
She
oughtn’t
.
Why
?
”
“
She’s
a
queer
child
—
a
special
child
,
more
special
even
than
you
.
And
in
my
opinion
special
children
should
never
be
sent
away
to
school
.
Only
moderately
ordinary
children
should
be
sent
to
school
—
so
it
seems
to
me
.
”
“
I’m
inclined
to
think
just
the
opposite
.
I
think
it
would
probably
make
her
more
normal
if
she
went
away
and
mixed
with
other
children
.
”
“
She
wouldn’t
mix
,
you
see
.
You
never
really
mixed
,
did
you
?
And
she
wouldn’t
be
willing
even
to
pretend
to
.
She’s
proud
,
and
solitary
,
and
naturally
apart
.
If
she
has
a
single
nature
,
why
do
you
want
to
make
her
gregarious
?
”
“
No
,
I
don’t
want
to
make
her
anything
.
But
I
think
school
would
be
good
for
her
.
”
“
Was
it
good
for
you
?
”
Gerald’s
eyes
narrowed
uglily
.
School
had
been
torture
to
him
.
Yet
he
had
not
questioned
whether
one
should
go
through
this
torture
.
He
seemed
to
believe
in
education
through
subjection
and
torment
.
“
I
hated
it
at
the
time
,
but
I
can
see
it
was
necessary
,
”
he
said
.
“
It
brought
me
into
line
a
bit
—
and
you
can’t
live
unless
you
do
come
into
line
somewhere
.
”
“
Well
,
”
said
Birkin
,
“
I
begin
to
think
that
you
can’t
live
unless
you
keep
entirely
out
of
the
line
.
It’s
no
good
trying
to
toe
the
line
,
when
your
one
impulse
is
to
smash
up
the
line
.
Winnie
is
a
special
nature
,
and
for
special
natures
you
must
give
a
special
world
.
”
“
Yes
,
but
where’s
your
special
world
?
”
said
Gerald
.
“
Make
it
.
Instead
of
chopping
yourself
down
to
fit
the
world
,
chop
the
world
down
to
fit
yourself
.
As
a
matter
of
fact
,
two
exceptional
people
make
another
world
.
You
and
I
,
we
make
another
,
separate
world
.
You
don’t
want
a
world
same
as
your
brothers-in-law
.
It’s
just
the
special
quality
you
value
.
Do
you
want
to
be
normal
or
ordinary
!
It’s
a
lie
.
You
want
to
be
free
and
extraordinary
,
in
an
extraordinary
world
of
liberty
.
”
Gerald
looked
at
Birkin
with
subtle
eyes
of
knowledge
.
But
he
would
never
openly
admit
what
he
felt
.
He
knew
more
than
Birkin
,
in
one
direction
—
much
more
.
And
this
gave
him
his
gentle
love
for
the
other
man
,
as
if
Birkin
were
in
some
way
young
,
innocent
,
child-like
:
so
amazingly
clever
,
but
incurably
innocent
.
“
Yet
you
are
so
banal
as
to
consider
me
chiefly
a
freak
,
”
said
Birkin
pointedly
.
“
A
freak
!
”
exclaimed
Gerald
,
startled
.
And
his
face
opened
suddenly
,
as
if
lighted
with
simplicity
,
as
when
a
flower
opens
out
of
the
cunning
bud
.
“
No
—
I
never
consider
you
a
freak
.
”
And
he
watched
the
other
man
with
strange
eyes
,
that
Birkin
could
not
understand
.
“
I
feel
,
”
Gerald
continued
,
“
that
there
is
always
an
element
of
uncertainty
about
you
—
perhaps
you
are
uncertain
about
yourself
.
But
I’m
never
sure
of
you
.
You
can
go
away
and
change
as
easily
as
if
you
had
no
soul
.
”
He
looked
at
Birkin
with
penetrating
eyes
.
Birkin
was
amazed
.
He
thought
he
had
all
the
soul
in
the
world
.
He
stared
in
amazement
.
And
Gerald
,
watching
,
saw
the
amazing
attractive
goodliness
of
his
eyes
,
a
young
,
spontaneous
goodness
that
attracted
the
other
man
infinitely
,
yet
filled
him
with
bitter
chagrin
,
because
he
mistrusted
it
so
much
.
He
knew
Birkin
could
do
without
him
—
could
forget
,
and
not
suffer
.
This
was
always
present
in
Gerald’s
consciousness
,
filling
him
with
bitter
unbelief
:
this
consciousness
of
the
young
,
animal-like
spontaneity
of
detachment
.
It
seemed
almost
like
hypocrisy
and
lying
,
sometimes
,
oh
,
often
,
on
Birkin’s
part
,
to
talk
so
deeply
and
importantly
.
Quite
other
things
were
going
through
Birkin’s
mind
.
Suddenly
he
saw
himself
confronted
with
another
problem
—
the
problem
of
love
and
eternal
conjunction
between
two
men
.
Of
course
this
was
necessary
—
it
had
been
a
necessity
inside
himself
all
his
life
—
to
love
a
man
purely
and
fully
.
Of
course
he
had
been
loving
Gerald
all
along
,
and
all
along
denying
it
.
He
lay
in
the
bed
and
wondered
,
whilst
his
friend
sat
beside
him
,
lost
in
brooding
.
Each
man
was
gone
in
his
own
thoughts
.
“
You
know
how
the
old
German
knights
used
to
swear
a
Blutbruderschaft
,
”
he
said
to
Gerald
,
with
quite
a
new
happy
activity
in
his
eyes
.
“
Make
a
little
wound
in
their
arms
,
and
rub
each
other’s
blood
into
the
cut
?
”
said
Gerald
.
“
Yes
—
and
swear
to
be
true
to
each
other
,
of
one
blood
,
all
their
lives
.
That
is
what
we
ought
to
do
.
No
wounds
,
that
is
obsolete
.
But
we
ought
to
swear
to
love
each
other
,
you
and
I
,
implicitly
,
and
perfectly
,
finally
,
without
any
possibility
of
going
back
on
it
.
”
He
looked
at
Gerald
with
clear
,
happy
eyes
of
discovery
.
Gerald
looked
down
at
him
,
attracted
,
so
deeply
bondaged
in
fascinated
attraction
,
that
he
was
mistrustful
,
resenting
the
bondage
,
hating
the
attraction
.
“
We
will
swear
to
each
other
,
one
day
,
shall
we
?
”
pleaded
Birkin
.
“
We
will
swear
to
stand
by
each
other
—
be
true
to
each
other
—
ultimately
—
infallibly
—
given
to
each
other
,
organically
—
without
possibility
of
taking
back
.
”
Birkin
sought
hard
to
express
himself
.
But
Gerald
hardly
listened
.
His
face
shone
with
a
certain
luminous
pleasure
.
He
was
pleased
.
But
he
kept
his
reserve
.
He
held
himself
back
.
“
Shall
we
swear
to
each
other
,
one
day
?
”
said
Birkin
,
putting
out
his
hand
towards
Gerald
.
Gerald
just
touched
the
extended
fine
,
living
hand
,
as
if
withheld
and
afraid
.
“
We’ll
leave
it
till
I
understand
it
better
,
”
he
said
,
in
a
voice
of
excuse
.
Birkin
watched
him
.
A
little
sharp
disappointment
,
perhaps
a
touch
of
contempt
came
into
his
heart
.
“
Yes
,
”
he
said
.
“
You
must
tell
me
what
you
think
,
later
.
You
know
what
I
mean
?
Not
sloppy
emotionalism
.
An
impersonal
union
that
leaves
one
free
.
”
They
lapsed
both
into
silence
.
Birkin
was
looking
at
Gerald
all
the
time
.
He
seemed
now
to
see
,
not
the
physical
,
animal
man
,
which
he
usually
saw
in
Gerald
,
and
which
usually
he
liked
so
much
,
but
the
man
himself
,
complete
,
and
as
if
fated
,
doomed
,
limited
.
This
strange
sense
of
fatality
in
Gerald
,
as
if
he
were
limited
to
one
form
of
existence
,
one
knowledge
,
one
activity
,
a
sort
of
fatal
halfness
,
which
to
himself
seemed
wholeness
,
always
overcame
Birkin
after
their
moments
of
passionate
approach
,
and
filled
him
with
a
sort
of
contempt
,
or
boredom
.
It
was
the
insistence
on
the
limitation
which
so
bored
Birkin
in
Gerald
.
Gerald
could
never
fly
away
from
himself
,
in
real
indifferent
gaiety
.
He
had
a
clog
,
a
sort
of
monomania
.
There
was
silence
for
a
time
.
Then
Birkin
said
,
in
a
lighter
tone
,
letting
the
stress
of
the
contact
pass
:
“
Can’t
you
get
a
good
governess
for
Winifred
?
—
somebody
exceptional
?
”
“
Hermione
Roddice
suggested
we
should
ask
Gudrun
to
teach
her
to
draw
and
to
model
in
clay
.
You
know
Winnie
is
astonishingly
clever
with
that
plasticine
stuff
.
Hermione
declares
she
is
an
artist
.
”
Gerald
spoke
in
the
usual
animated
,
chatty
manner
,
as
if
nothing
unusual
had
passed
.
But
Birkin’s
manner
was
full
of
reminder
.
“
Really
!
I
didn’t
know
that
.
Oh
well
then
,
if
Gudrun
would
teach
her
,
it
would
be
perfect
—
couldn’t
be
anything
better
—
if
Winifred
is
an
artist
.
Because
Gudrun
somewhere
is
one
.
And
every
true
artist
is
the
salvation
of
every
other
.
”
“
I
thought
they
got
on
so
badly
,
as
a
rule
.
”
“
Perhaps
.
But
only
artists
produce
for
each
other
the
world
that
is
fit
to
live
in
.
If
you
can
arrange
that
for
Winifred
,
it
is
perfect
.
”
“
But
you
think
she
wouldn’t
come
?
”
“
I
don’t
know
.
Gudrun
is
rather
self-opinionated
.
She
won’t
go
cheap
anywhere
.
Or
if
she
does
,
she’ll
pretty
soon
take
herself
back
.
So
whether
she
would
condescend
to
do
private
teaching
,
particularly
here
,
in
Beldover
,
I
don’t
know
.
But
it
would
be
just
the
thing
.
Winifred
has
got
a
special
nature
.
And
if
you
can
put
into
her
way
the
means
of
being
self-sufficient
,
that
is
the
best
thing
possible
.
She’ll
never
get
on
with
the
ordinary
life
.
You
find
it
difficult
enough
yourself
,
and
she
is
several
skins
thinner
than
you
are
.
It
is
awful
to
think
what
her
life
will
be
like
unless
she
does
find
a
means
of
expression
,
some
way
of
fulfilment
.
You
can
see
what
mere
leaving
it
to
fate
brings
.
You
can
see
how
much
marriage
is
to
be
trusted
to
—
look
at
your
own
mother
.
”
“
Do
you
think
mother
is
abnormal
?
”
“
No
!
I
think
she
only
wanted
something
more
,
or
other
than
the
common
run
of
life
.
And
not
getting
it
,
she
has
gone
wrong
perhaps
.
”
“
After
producing
a
brood
of
wrong
children
,
”
said
Gerald
gloomily
.
“
No
more
wrong
than
any
of
the
rest
of
us
,
”
Birkin
replied
.
“
The
most
normal
people
have
the
worst
subterranean
selves
,
take
them
one
by
one
.
”
“
Sometimes
I
think
it
is
a
curse
to
be
alive
,
”
said
Gerald
with
sudden
impotent
anger
.
“
Well
,
”
said
Birkin
,
“
why
not
!
Let
it
be
a
curse
sometimes
to
be
alive
—
at
other
times
it
is
anything
but
a
curse
.
You’ve
got
plenty
of
zest
in
it
really
.
”
“
Less
than
you’d
think
,
”
said
Gerald
,
revealing
a
strange
poverty
in
his
look
at
the
other
man
.
There
was
silence
,
each
thinking
his
own
thoughts
.
“
I
don’t
see
what
she
has
to
distinguish
between
teaching
at
the
Grammar
School
,
and
coming
to
teach
Win
,
”
said
Gerald
.
“
The
difference
between
a
public
servant
and
a
private
one
.
The
only
nobleman
today
,
king
and
only
aristocrat
,
is
the
public
,
the
public
.
You
are
quite
willing
to
serve
the
public
—
but
to
be
a
private
tutor
—
”
“
I
don’t
want
to
serve
either
—
”
“
No
!
And
Gudrun
will
probably
feel
the
same
.
”
Gerald
thought
for
a
few
minutes
.
Then
he
said
:
“
At
all
events
,
father
won’t
make
her
feel
like
a
private
servant
.
He
will
be
fussy
and
greatful
enough
.
”
“
So
he
ought
.
And
so
ought
all
of
you
.
Do
you
think
you
can
hire
a
woman
like
Gudrun
Brangwen
with
money
?
She
is
your
equal
like
anything
—
probably
your
superior
.
”
“
Is
she
?
”
said
Gerald
.
“
Yes
,
and
if
you
haven’t
the
guts
to
know
it
,
I
hope
she’ll
leave
you
to
your
own
devices
.
”
“
Nevertheless
,
”
said
Gerald
,
“
if
she
is
my
equal
,
I
wish
she
weren’t
a
teacher
,
because
I
don’t
think
teachers
as
a
rule
are
my
equal
.
”
“
Nor
do
I
,
damn
them
.
But
am
I
a
teacher
because
I
teach
,
or
a
parson
because
I
preach
?
”
Gerald
laughed
.
He
was
always
uneasy
on
this
score
.
He
did
not
want
to
claim
social
superiority
,
yet
he
would
not
claim
intrinsic
personal
superiority
,
because
he
would
never
base
his
standard
of
values
on
pure
being
.
So
he
wobbled
upon
a
tacit
assumption
of
social
standing
.
No
,
Birkin
wanted
him
to
accept
the
fact
of
intrinsic
difference
between
human
beings
,
which
he
did
not
intend
to
accept
.
It
was
against
his
social
honour
,
his
principle
.
He
rose
to
go
.
“
I’ve
been
neglecting
my
business
all
this
while
,
”
he
said
smiling
.
“
I
ought
to
have
reminded
you
before
,
”
Birkin
replied
,
laughing
and
mocking
.
“
I
knew
you’d
say
something
like
that
,
”
laughed
Gerald
,
rather
uneasily
.
“
Did
you
?
”
“
Yes
,
Rupert
.
It
wouldn’t
do
for
us
all
to
be
like
you
are
—
we
should
soon
be
in
the
cart
.
When
I
am
above
the
world
,
I
shall
ignore
all
businesses
.
”
“
Of
course
,
we’re
not
in
the
cart
now
,
”
said
Birkin
,
satirically
.
“
Not
as
much
as
you
make
out
.
At
any
rate
,
we
have
enough
to
eat
and
drink
—
”
“
And
be
satisfied
,
”
added
Birkin
.
Gerald
came
near
the
bed
and
stood
looking
down
at
Birkin
whose
throat
was
exposed
,
whose
tossed
hair
fell
attractively
on
the
warm
brow
,
above
the
eyes
that
were
so
unchallenged
and
still
in
the
satirical
face
.
Gerald
,
full-limbed
and
turgid
with
energy
,
stood
unwilling
to
go
,
he
was
held
by
the
presence
of
the
other
man
.
He
had
not
the
power
to
go
away
.
“
So
,
”
said
Birkin
.
“
Good-bye
.
”
And
he
reached
out
his
hand
from
under
the
bed-clothes
,
smiling
with
a
glimmering
look
.
“
Good-bye
,
”
said
Gerald
,
taking
the
warm
hand
of
his
friend
in
a
firm
grasp
.
“
I
shall
come
again
.
I
miss
you
down
at
the
mill
.
”
“
I’ll
be
there
in
a
few
days
,
”
said
Birkin
.
The
eyes
of
the
two
men
met
again
.
Gerald’s
,
that
were
keen
as
a
hawk’s
,
were
suffused
now
with
warm
light
and
with
unadmitted
love
,
Birkin
looked
back
as
out
of
a
darkness
,
unsounded
and
unknown
,
yet
with
a
kind
of
warmth
,
that
seemed
to
flow
over
Gerald’s
brain
like
a
fertile
sleep
.
“
Good-bye
then
.
There’s
nothing
I
can
do
for
you
?
”
“
Nothing
,
thanks
.
”
Birkin
watched
the
black-clothed
form
of
the
other
man
move
out
of
the
door
,
the
bright
head
was
gone
,
he
turned
over
to
sleep
.
CHAPTER
XVII
.
THE
INDUSTRIAL
MAGNATE
In
Beldover
,
there
was
both
for
Ursula
and
for
Gudrun
an
interval
.
It
seemed
to
Ursula
as
if
Birkin
had
gone
out
of
her
for
the
time
,
he
had
lost
his
significance
,
he
scarcely
mattered
in
her
world
.
She
had
her
own
friends
,
her
own
activities
,
her
own
life
.
She
turned
back
to
the
old
ways
with
zest
,
away
from
him
.
And
Gudrun
,
after
feeling
every
moment
in
all
her
veins
conscious
of
Gerald
Crich
,
connected
even
physically
with
him
,
was
now
almost
indifferent
to
the
thought
of
him
.
She
was
nursing
new
schemes
for
going
away
and
trying
a
new
form
of
life
.
All
the
time
,
there
was
something
in
her
urging
her
to
avoid
the
final
establishing
of
a
relationship
with
Gerald
.
She
felt
it
would
be
wiser
and
better
to
have
no
more
than
a
casual
acquaintance
with
him
.
She
had
a
scheme
for
going
to
St
Petersburg
,
where
she
had
a
friend
who
was
a
sculptor
like
herself
,
and
who
lived
with
a
wealthy
Russian
whose
hobby
was
jewel-making
.
The
emotional
,
rather
rootless
life
of
the
Russians
appealed
to
her
.
She
did
not
want
to
go
to
Paris
.
Paris
was
dry
,
and
essentially
boring
.
She
would
like
to
go
to
Rome
,
Munich
,
Vienna
,
or
to
St
Petersburg
or
Moscow
.
She
had
a
friend
in
St
Petersburg
and
a
friend
in
Munich
.
To
each
of
these
she
wrote
,
asking
about
rooms
.
She
had
a
certain
amount
of
money
.
She
had
come
home
partly
to
save
,
and
now
she
had
sold
several
pieces
of
work
,
she
had
been
praised
in
various
shows
.
She
knew
she
could
become
quite
the
“
go’
if
she
went
to
London
.
But
she
knew
London
,
she
wanted
something
else
.
She
had
seventy
pounds
,
of
which
nobody
knew
anything
.
She
would
move
soon
,
as
soon
as
she
heard
from
her
friends
.
Her
nature
,
in
spite
of
her
apparent
placidity
and
calm
,
was
profoundly
restless
.
The
sisters
happened
to
call
in
a
cottage
in
Willey
Green
to
buy
honey
.
Mrs
Kirk
,
a
stout
,
pale
,
sharp-nosed
woman
,
sly
,
honied
,
with
something
shrewish
and
cat-like
beneath
,
asked
the
girls
into
her
too
cosy
,
too
tidy
kitchen
.
There
was
a
cat-like
comfort
and
cleanliness
everywhere
.
“
Yes
,
Miss
Brangwen
,
”
she
said
,
in
her
slightly
whining
,
insinuating
voice
,
“
and
how
do
you
like
being
back
in
the
old
place
,
then
?
”
Gudrun
,
whom
she
addressed
,
hated
her
at
once
.
“
I
don’t
care
for
it
,
”
she
replied
abruptly
.
“
You
don’t
?
Ay
,
well
,
I
suppose
you
found
a
difference
from
London
.
You
like
life
,
and
big
,
grand
places
.
Some
of
us
has
to
be
content
with
Willey
Green
and
Beldover
.
And
what
do
you
think
of
our
Grammar
School
,
as
there’s
so
much
talk
about
?
”
“
What
do
I
think
of
it
?
”
Gudrun
looked
round
at
her
slowly
.
“
Do
you
mean
,
do
I
think
it’s
a
good
school
?
”
“
Yes
.
What
is
your
opinion
of
it
?
”
“
I
do
think
it’s
a
good
school
.
”
Gudrun
was
very
cold
and
repelling
.
She
knew
the
common
people
hated
the
school
.
“
Ay
,
you
do
,
then
!
I’ve
heard
so
much
,
one
way
and
the
other
.
It’s
nice
to
know
what
those
that’s
in
it
feel
.
But
opinions
vary
,
don’t
they
?
Mr
Crich
up
at
Highclose
is
all
for
it
.
Ay
,
poor
man
,
I’m
afraid
he’s
not
long
for
this
world
.
He’s
very
poorly
.
”
“
Is
he
worse
?
”
asked
Ursula
.
“
Eh
,
yes
—
since
they
lost
Miss
Diana
.
He’s
gone
off
to
a
shadow
.
Poor
man
,
he’s
had
a
world
of
trouble
.
”
“
Has
he
?
”
asked
Gudrun
,
faintly
ironic
.
“
He
has
,
a
world
of
trouble
.
And
as
nice
and
kind
a
gentleman
as
ever
you
could
wish
to
meet
.
His
children
don’t
take
after
him
.
”
“
I
suppose
they
take
after
their
mother
?
”
said
Ursula
.
“
In
many
ways
.
”
Mrs
Krik
lowered
her
voice
a
little
.
“
She
was
a
proud
haughty
lady
when
she
came
into
these
parts
—
my
word
,
she
was
that
!
She
mustn’t
be
looked
at
,
and
it
was
worth
your
life
to
speak
to
her
.
”
The
woman
made
a
dry
,
sly
face
.
“
Did
you
know
her
when
she
was
first
married
?
”
“
Yes
,
I
knew
her
.
I
nursed
three
of
her
children
.
And
proper
little
terrors
they
were
,
little
fiends
—
that
Gerald
was
a
demon
if
ever
there
was
one
,
a
proper
demon
,
ay
,
at
six
months
old
.
”
A
curious
malicious
,
sly
tone
came
into
the
woman’s
voice
.
“
Really
,
”
said
Gudrun
.
“
That
wilful
,
masterful
—
he’d
mastered
one
nurse
at
six
months
.
Kick
,
and
scream
,
and
struggle
like
a
demon
.
Many’s
the
time
I’ve
pinched
his
little
bottom
for
him
,
when
he
was
a
child
in
arms
.
Ay
,
and
he’d
have
been
better
if
he’d
had
it
pinched
oftener
.
But
she
wouldn’t
have
them
corrected
—
no-o
,
wouldn’t
hear
of
it
.
I
can
remember
the
rows
she
had
with
Mr
Crich
,
my
word
.
When
he’d
got
worked
up
,
properly
worked
up
till
he
could
stand
no
more
,
he’d
lock
the
study
door
and
whip
them
.
But
she
paced
up
and
down
all
the
while
like
a
tiger
outside
,
like
a
tiger
,
with
very
murder
in
her
face
.
She
had
a
face
that
could
look
death
.
And
when
the
door
was
opened
,
she’d
go
in
with
her
hands
lifted
—
‘What
have
you
been
doing
to
my
children
,
you
coward.’
She
was
like
one
out
of
her
mind
.
I
believe
he
was
frightened
of
her
;
he
had
to
be
driven
mad
before
he’d
lift
a
finger
.
Didn’t
the
servants
have
a
life
of
it
!
And
didn’t
we
used
to
be
thankful
when
one
of
them
caught
it
.
They
were
the
torment
of
your
life
.
”
“
Really
!
”
said
Gudrun
.
“
In
every
possible
way
.
If
you
wouldn’t
let
them
smash
their
pots
on
the
table
,
if
you
wouldn’t
let
them
drag
the
kitten
about
with
a
string
round
its
neck
,
if
you
wouldn’t
give
them
whatever
they
asked
for
,
every
mortal
thing
—
then
there
was
a
shine
on
,
and
their
mother
coming
in
asking
—
‘What’s
the
matter
with
him
?
What
have
you
done
to
him
?
What
is
it
,
Darling
?
’
And
then
she’d
turn
on
you
as
if
she’d
trample
you
under
her
feet
.
But
she
didn’t
trample
on
me
.
I
was
the
only
one
that
could
do
anything
with
her
demons
—
for
she
wasn’t
going
to
be
bothered
with
them
herself
.
No
,
she
took
no
trouble
for
them
.
But
they
must
just
have
their
way
,
they
mustn’t
be
spoken
to
.
And
Master
Gerald
was
the
beauty
.
I
left
when
he
was
a
year
and
a
half
,
I
could
stand
no
more
.
But
I
pinched
his
little
bottom
for
him
when
he
was
in
arms
,
I
did
,
when
there
was
no
holding
him
,
and
I’m
not
sorry
I
did
—
”
Gudrun
went
away
in
fury
and
loathing
.
The
phrase
,
“
I
pinched
his
little
bottom
for
him
,
”
sent
her
into
a
white
,
stony
fury
.
She
could
not
bear
it
,
she
wanted
to
have
the
woman
taken
out
at
once
and
strangled
.
And
yet
there
the
phrase
was
lodged
in
her
mind
for
ever
,
beyond
escape
.
She
felt
,
one
day
,
she
would
have
to
tell
him
,
to
see
how
he
took
it
.
And
she
loathed
herself
for
the
thought
.
But
at
Shortlands
the
life-long
struggle
was
coming
to
a
close
.
The
father
was
ill
and
was
going
to
die
.
He
had
bad
internal
pains
,
which
took
away
all
his
attentive
life
,
and
left
him
with
only
a
vestige
of
his
consciousness
.
More
and
more
a
silence
came
over
him
,
he
was
less
and
less
acutely
aware
of
his
surroundings
.
The
pain
seemed
to
absorb
his
activity
.
He
knew
it
was
there
,
he
knew
it
would
come
again
.
It
was
like
something
lurking
in
the
darkness
within
him
.
And
he
had
not
the
power
,
or
the
will
,
to
seek
it
out
and
to
know
it
.
There
it
remained
in
the
darkness
,
the
great
pain
,
tearing
him
at
times
,
and
then
being
silent
.
And
when
it
tore
him
he
crouched
in
silent
subjection
under
it
,
and
when
it
left
him
alone
again
,
he
refused
to
know
of
it
.
It
was
within
the
darkness
,
let
it
remain
unknown
.
So
he
never
admitted
it
,
except
in
a
secret
corner
of
himself
,
where
all
his
never-revealed
fears
and
secrets
were
accumulated
.
For
the
rest
,
he
had
a
pain
,
it
went
away
,
it
made
no
difference
.
It
even
stimulated
him
,
excited
him
.
But
it
gradually
absorbed
his
life
.
Gradually
it
drew
away
all
his
potentiality
,
it
bled
him
into
the
dark
,
it
weaned
him
of
life
and
drew
him
away
into
the
darkness
.
And
in
this
twilight
of
his
life
little
remained
visible
to
him
.
The
business
,
his
work
,
that
was
gone
entirely
.
His
public
interests
had
disappeared
as
if
they
had
never
been
.
Even
his
family
had
become
extraneous
to
him
,
he
could
only
remember
,
in
some
slight
non-essential
part
of
himself
,
that
such
and
such
were
his
children
.
But
it
was
historical
fact
,
not
vital
to
him
.
He
had
to
make
an
effort
to
know
their
relation
to
him
.
Even
his
wife
barely
existed
.
She
indeed
was
like
the
darkness
,
like
the
pain
within
him
.
By
some
strange
association
,
the
darkness
that
contained
the
pain
and
the
darkness
that
contained
his
wife
were
identical
.
All
his
thoughts
and
understandings
became
blurred
and
fused
,
and
now
his
wife
and
the
consuming
pain
were
the
same
dark
secret
power
against
him
,
that
he
never
faced
.
He
never
drove
the
dread
out
of
its
lair
within
him
.
He
only
knew
that
there
was
a
dark
place
,
and
something
inhabiting
this
darkness
which
issued
from
time
to
time
and
rent
him
.
But
he
dared
not
penetrate
and
drive
the
beast
into
the
open
.
He
had
rather
ignore
its
existence
.
Only
,
in
his
vague
way
,
the
dread
was
his
wife
,
the
destroyer
,
and
it
was
the
pain
,
the
destruction
,
a
darkness
which
was
one
and
both
.
He
very
rarely
saw
his
wife
.
She
kept
her
room
.
Only
occasionally
she
came
forth
,
with
her
head
stretched
forward
,
and
in
her
low
,
possessed
voice
,
she
asked
him
how
he
was
.
And
he
answered
her
,
in
the
habit
of
more
than
thirty
years
:
“
Well
,
I
don’t
think
I’m
any
the
worse
,
dear
.
”
But
he
was
frightened
of
her
,
underneath
this
safeguard
of
habit
,
frightened
almost
to
the
verge
of
death
.
But
all
his
life
,
he
had
been
so
constant
to
his
lights
,
he
had
never
broken
down
.
He
would
die
even
now
without
breaking
down
,
without
knowing
what
his
feelings
were
,
towards
her
.
All
his
life
,
he
had
said
:
“
Poor
Christiana
,
she
has
such
a
strong
temper
.
”
With
unbroken
will
,
he
had
stood
by
this
position
with
regard
to
her
,
he
had
substituted
pity
for
all
his
hostility
,
pity
had
been
his
shield
and
his
safeguard
,
and
his
infallible
weapon
.
And
still
,
in
his
consciousness
,
he
was
sorry
for
her
,
her
nature
was
so
violent
and
so
impatient
.
But
now
his
pity
,
with
his
life
,
was
wearing
thin
,
and
the
dread
almost
amounting
to
horror
,
was
rising
into
being
.
But
before
the
armour
of
his
pity
really
broke
,
he
would
die
,
as
an
insect
when
its
shell
is
cracked
.
This
was
his
final
resource
.
Others
would
live
on
,
and
know
the
living
death
,
the
ensuing
process
of
hopeless
chaos
.
He
would
not
.
He
denied
death
its
victory
.
He
had
been
so
constant
to
his
lights
,
so
constant
to
charity
,
and
to
his
love
for
his
neighbour
.
Perhaps
he
had
loved
his
neighbour
even
better
than
himself
—
which
is
going
one
further
than
the
commandment
.
Always
,
this
flame
had
burned
in
his
heart
,
sustaining
him
through
everything
,
the
welfare
of
the
people
.
He
was
a
large
employer
of
labour
,
he
was
a
great
mine-owner
.
And
he
had
never
lost
this
from
his
heart
,
that
in
Christ
he
was
one
with
his
workmen
.
Nay
,
he
had
felt
inferior
to
them
,
as
if
they
through
poverty
and
labour
were
nearer
to
God
than
he
.
He
had
always
the
unacknowledged
belief
,
that
it
was
his
workmen
,
the
miners
,
who
held
in
their
hands
the
means
of
salvation
.
To
move
nearer
to
God
,
he
must
move
towards
his
miners
,
his
life
must
gravitate
towards
theirs
.
They
were
,
unconsciously
,
his
idol
,
his
God
made
manifest
.
In
them
he
worshipped
the
highest
,
the
great
,
sympathetic
,
mindless
Godhead
of
humanity
.
And
all
the
while
,
his
wife
had
opposed
him
like
one
of
the
great
demons
of
hell
.
Strange
,
like
a
bird
of
prey
,
with
the
fascinating
beauty
and
abstraction
of
a
hawk
,
she
had
beat
against
the
bars
of
his
philanthropy
,
and
like
a
hawk
in
a
cage
,
she
had
sunk
into
silence
.
By
force
of
circumstance
,
because
all
the
world
combined
to
make
the
cage
unbreakable
,
he
had
been
too
strong
for
her
,
he
had
kept
her
prisoner
.
And
because
she
was
his
prisoner
,
his
passion
for
her
had
always
remained
keen
as
death
.
He
had
always
loved
her
,
loved
her
with
intensity
.
Within
the
cage
,
she
was
denied
nothing
,
she
was
given
all
licence
.
But
she
had
gone
almost
mad
.
Of
wild
and
overweening
temper
,
she
could
not
bear
the
humiliation
of
her
husband’s
soft
,
half-appealing
kindness
to
everybody
.
He
was
not
deceived
by
the
poor
.
He
knew
they
came
and
sponged
on
him
,
and
whined
to
him
,
the
worse
sort
;
the
majority
,
luckily
for
him
,
were
much
too
proud
to
ask
for
anything
,
much
too
independent
to
come
knocking
at
his
door
.
But
in
Beldover
,
as
everywhere
else
,
there
were
the
whining
,
parasitic
,
foul
human
beings
who
come
crawling
after
charity
,
and
feeding
on
the
living
body
of
the
public
like
lice
.
A
kind
of
fire
would
go
over
Christiana
Crich’s
brain
,
as
she
saw
two
more
pale-faced
,
creeping
women
in
objectionable
black
clothes
,
cringing
lugubriously
up
the
drive
to
the
door
.
She
wanted
to
set
the
dogs
on
them
,
“
Hi
Rip
!
Hi
Ring
!
Ranger
!
At
’em
boys
,
set
’em
off
.
”
But
Crowther
,
the
butler
,
with
all
the
rest
of
the
servants
,
was
Mr
Crich’s
man
.
Nevertheless
,
when
her
husband
was
away
,
she
would
come
down
like
a
wolf
on
the
crawling
supplicants
:
“
What
do
you
people
want
?
There
is
nothing
for
you
here
.
You
have
no
business
on
the
drive
at
all
.
Simpson
,
drive
them
away
and
let
no
more
of
them
through
the
gate
.
”
The
servants
had
to
obey
her
.
And
she
would
stand
watching
with
an
eye
like
the
eagle’s
,
whilst
the
groom
in
clumsy
confusion
drove
the
lugubrious
persons
down
the
drive
,
as
if
they
were
rusty
fowls
,
scuttling
before
him
.
But
they
learned
to
know
,
from
the
lodge-keeper
,
when
Mrs
Crich
was
away
,
and
they
timed
their
visits
.
How
many
times
,
in
the
first
years
,
would
Crowther
knock
softly
at
the
door
:
“
Person
to
see
you
,
sir
.
”
“
What
name
?
”
“
Grocock
,
sir
.
”
“
What
do
they
want
?
”
The
question
was
half
impatient
,
half
gratified
.
He
liked
hearing
appeals
to
his
charity
.
“
About
a
child
,
sir
.
”
“
Show
them
into
the
library
,
and
tell
them
they
shouldn’t
come
after
eleven
o’clock
in
the
morning
.
”
“
Why
do
you
get
up
from
dinner
?
—
send
them
off
,
”
his
wife
would
say
abruptly
.
“
Oh
,
I
can’t
do
that
.
It’s
no
trouble
just
to
hear
what
they
have
to
say
.
”
“
How
many
more
have
been
here
today
?
Why
don’t
you
establish
open
house
for
them
?
They
would
soon
oust
me
and
the
children
.
”
“
You
know
dear
,
it
doesn’t
hurt
me
to
hear
what
they
have
to
say
.
And
if
they
really
are
in
trouble
—
well
,
it
is
my
duty
to
help
them
out
of
it
.
”
“
It’s
your
duty
to
invite
all
the
rats
in
the
world
to
gnaw
at
your
bones
.
”
“
Come
,
Christiana
,
it
isn’t
like
that
.
Don’t
be
uncharitable
.
”
But
she
suddenly
swept
out
of
the
room
,
and
out
to
the
study
.
There
sat
the
meagre
charity-seekers
,
looking
as
if
they
were
at
the
doctor’s
.
“
Mr
Crich
can’t
see
you
.
He
can’t
see
you
at
this
hour
.
Do
you
think
he
is
your
property
,
that
you
can
come
whenever
you
like
?
You
must
go
away
,
there
is
nothing
for
you
here
.
”
The
poor
people
rose
in
confusion
.
But
Mr
Crich
,
pale
and
black-bearded
and
deprecating
,
came
behind
her
,
saying
:
“
Yes
,
I
don’t
like
you
coming
as
late
as
this
.
I’ll
hear
any
of
you
in
the
morning
part
of
the
day
,
but
I
can’t
really
do
with
you
after
.
What’s
amiss
then
,
Gittens
.
How
is
your
Missis
?
”
“
Why
,
she’s
sunk
very
low
,
Mester
Crich
,
she’s
a’most
gone
,
she
is
—
”
Sometimes
,
it
seemed
to
Mrs
Crich
as
if
her
husband
were
some
subtle
funeral
bird
,
feeding
on
the
miseries
of
the
people
.
It
seemed
to
her
he
was
never
satisfied
unless
there
was
some
sordid
tale
being
poured
out
to
him
,
which
he
drank
in
with
a
sort
of
mournful
,
sympathetic
satisfaction
.
He
would
have
no
raison
d’être
if
there
were
no
lugubrious
miseries
in
the
world
,
as
an
undertaker
would
have
no
meaning
if
there
were
no
funerals
.
Mrs
Crich
recoiled
back
upon
herself
,
she
recoiled
away
from
this
world
of
creeping
democracy
.
A
band
of
tight
,
baleful
exclusion
fastened
round
her
heart
,
her
isolation
was
fierce
and
hard
,
her
antagonism
was
passive
but
terribly
pure
,
like
that
of
a
hawk
in
a
cage
.
As
the
years
went
on
,
she
lost
more
and
more
count
of
the
world
,
she
seemed
rapt
in
some
glittering
abstraction
,
almost
purely
unconscious
.
She
would
wander
about
the
house
and
about
the
surrounding
country
,
staring
keenly
and
seeing
nothing
.
She
rarely
spoke
,
she
had
no
connection
with
the
world
.
And
she
did
not
even
think
.
She
was
consumed
in
a
fierce
tension
of
opposition
,
like
the
negative
pole
of
a
magnet
.
And
she
bore
many
children
.
For
,
as
time
went
on
,
she
never
opposed
her
husband
in
word
or
deed
.
She
took
no
notice
of
him
,
externally
.
She
submitted
to
him
,
let
him
take
what
he
wanted
and
do
as
he
wanted
with
her
.
She
was
like
a
hawk
that
sullenly
submits
to
everything
.
The
relation
between
her
and
her
husband
was
wordless
and
unknown
,
but
it
was
deep
,
awful
,
a
relation
of
utter
inter-destruction
.
And
he
,
who
triumphed
in
the
world
,
he
became
more
and
more
hollow
in
his
vitality
,
the
vitality
was
bled
from
within
him
,
as
by
some
hæmorrhage
.
She
was
hulked
like
a
hawk
in
a
cage
,
but
her
heart
was
fierce
and
undiminished
within
her
,
though
her
mind
was
destroyed
.
So
to
the
last
he
would
go
to
her
and
hold
her
in
his
arms
sometimes
,
before
his
strength
was
all
gone
.
The
terrible
white
,
destructive
light
that
burned
in
her
eyes
only
excited
and
roused
him
.
Till
he
was
bled
to
death
,
and
then
he
dreaded
her
more
than
anything
.
But
he
always
said
to
himself
,
how
happy
he
had
been
,
how
he
had
loved
her
with
a
pure
and
consuming
love
ever
since
he
had
known
her
.
And
he
thought
of
her
as
pure
,
chaste
;
the
white
flame
which
was
known
to
him
alone
,
the
flame
of
her
sex
,
was
a
white
flower
of
snow
to
his
mind
.
She
was
a
wonderful
white
snow-flower
,
which
he
had
desired
infinitely
.
And
now
he
was
dying
with
all
his
ideas
and
interpretations
intact
.
They
would
only
collapse
when
the
breath
left
his
body
.
Till
then
they
would
be
pure
truths
for
him
.
Only
death
would
show
the
perfect
completeness
of
the
lie
.
Till
death
,
she
was
his
white
snow-flower
.
He
had
subdued
her
,
and
her
subjugation
was
to
him
an
infinite
chastity
in
