Joseph
Conrad
THE
SHADOW-LINE
A
CONFESSION
“
Worthy
of
my
undying
regard
”
London
+
Toronto
J
.
M
.
Dent
+
Sons
Ltd
Paris
:
J.M.
Dent
et
fils
To
BORYS
AND
ALL
OTHERS
who
like
himself
have
crossed
in
early
youth
the
shadow-line
of
their
generation
WITH
LOVE
PART
ONE
I
—
D’autre
fois
,
calme
plat
,
grand
miroir
De
mon
desespoir
.
—
BAUDELAIRE
Only
the
young
have
such
moments
.
I
don’t
mean
the
very
young
.
No.
The
very
young
have
,
properly
speaking
,
no
moments
.
It
is
the
privilege
of
early
youth
to
live
in
advance
of
its
days
in
all
the
beautiful
continuity
of
hope
which
knows
no
pauses
and
no
introspection
.
One
closes
behind
one
the
little
gate
of
mere
boyishness
—
and
enters
an
enchanted
garden
.
Its
very
shades
glow
with
promise
.
Every
turn
of
the
path
has
its
seduction
.
And
it
isn’t
because
it
is
an
undiscovered
country
.
One
knows
well
enough
that
all
mankind
had
streamed
that
way
.
It
is
the
charm
of
universal
experience
from
which
one
expects
an
uncommon
or
personal
sensation
—
a
bit
of
one’s
own
.
One
goes
on
recognizing
the
landmarks
of
the
predecessors
,
excited
,
amused
,
taking
the
hard
luck
and
the
good
luck
together
—
the
kicks
and
the
half-pence
,
as
the
saying
is
—
the
picturesque
common
lot
that
holds
so
many
possibilities
for
the
deserving
or
perhaps
for
the
lucky
.
Yes
.
One
goes
on
.
And
the
time
,
too
,
goes
on
—
till
one
perceives
ahead
a
shadow-line
warning
one
that
the
region
of
early
youth
,
too
,
must
be
left
behind
.
This
is
the
period
of
life
in
which
such
moments
of
which
I
have
spoken
are
likely
to
come
.
What
moments
?
Why
,
the
moments
of
boredom
,
of
weariness
,
of
dissatisfaction
.
Rash
moments
.
I
mean
moments
when
the
still
young
are
inclined
to
commit
rash
actions
,
such
as
getting
married
suddenly
or
else
throwing
up
a
job
for
no
reason
.
This
is
not
a
marriage
story
.
It
wasn’t
so
bad
as
that
with
me
.
My
action
,
rash
as
it
was
,
had
more
the
character
of
divorce
—
almost
of
desertion
.
For
no
reason
on
which
a
sensible
person
could
put
a
finger
I
threw
up
my
job
—
chucked
my
berth
—
left
the
ship
of
which
the
worst
that
could
be
said
was
that
she
was
a
steamship
and
therefore
,
perhaps
,
not
entitled
to
that
blind
loyalty
which
.
.
.
.
However
,
it’s
no
use
trying
to
put
a
gloss
on
what
even
at
the
time
I
myself
half
suspected
to
be
a
caprice
.
It
was
in
an
Eastern
port
.
She
was
an
Eastern
ship
,
inasmuch
as
then
she
belonged
to
that
port
.
She
traded
among
dark
islands
on
a
blue
reef-scarred
sea
,
with
the
Red
Ensign
over
the
taffrail
and
at
her
masthead
a
house-flag
,
also
red
,
but
with
a
green
border
and
with
a
white
crescent
in
it
.
For
an
Arab
owned
her
,
and
a
Syed
at
that
.
Hence
the
green
border
on
the
flag
.
He
was
the
head
of
a
great
House
of
Straits
Arabs
,
but
as
loyal
a
subject
of
the
complex
British
Empire
as
you
could
find
east
of
the
Suez
Canal
.
World
politics
did
not
trouble
him
at
all
,
but
he
had
a
great
occult
power
amongst
his
own
people
.
It
was
all
one
to
us
who
owned
the
ship
.
He
had
to
employ
white
men
in
the
shipping
part
of
his
business
,
and
many
of
those
he
so
employed
had
never
set
eyes
on
him
from
the
first
to
the
last
day
.
I
myself
saw
him
but
once
,
quite
accidentally
on
a
wharf
—
an
old
,
dark
little
man
blind
in
one
eye
,
in
a
snowy
robe
and
yellow
slippers
.
He
was
having
his
hand
severely
kissed
by
a
crowd
of
Malay
pilgrims
to
whom
he
had
done
some
favour
,
in
the
way
of
food
and
money
.
His
alms-giving
,
I
have
heard
,
was
most
extensive
,
covering
almost
the
whole
Archipelago
.
For
isn’t
it
said
that
“
The
charitable
man
is
the
friend
of
Allah
”
?
Excellent
(
and
picturesque
)
Arab
owner
,
about
whom
one
needed
not
to
trouble
one’s
head
,
a
most
excellent
Scottish
ship
—
for
she
was
that
from
the
keep
up
—
excellent
sea-boat
,
easy
to
keep
clean
,
most
handy
in
every
way
,
and
if
it
had
not
been
for
her
internal
propulsion
,
worthy
of
any
man’s
love
,
I
cherish
to
this
day
a
profound
respect
for
her
memory
.
As
to
the
kind
of
trade
she
was
engaged
in
and
the
character
of
my
shipmates
,
I
could
not
have
been
happier
if
I
had
had
the
life
and
the
men
made
to
my
order
by
a
benevolent
Enchanter
.
And
suddenly
I
left
all
this
.
I
left
it
in
that
,
to
us
,
inconsequential
manner
in
which
a
bird
flies
away
from
a
comfortable
branch
.
It
was
as
though
all
unknowing
I
had
heard
a
whisper
or
seen
something
.
Well
—
perhaps
!
One
day
I
was
perfectly
right
and
the
next
everything
was
gone
—
glamour
,
flavour
,
interest
,
contentment
—
everything
.
It
was
one
of
these
moments
,
you
know
.
The
green
sickness
of
late
youth
descended
on
me
and
carried
me
off
.
Carried
me
off
that
ship
,
I
mean
.
We
were
only
four
white
men
on
board
,
with
a
large
crew
of
Kalashes
and
two
Malay
petty
officers
.
The
Captain
stared
hard
as
if
wondering
what
ailed
me
.
But
he
was
a
sailor
,
and
he
,
too
,
had
been
young
at
one
time
.
Presently
a
smile
came
to
lurk
under
his
thick
iron-gray
moustache
,
and
he
observed
that
,
of
course
,
if
I
felt
I
must
go
he
couldn’t
keep
me
by
main
force
.
And
it
was
arranged
that
I
should
be
paid
off
the
next
morning
.
As
I
was
going
out
of
his
cabin
he
added
suddenly
,
in
a
peculiar
wistful
tone
,
that
he
hoped
I
would
find
what
I
was
so
anxious
to
go
and
look
for
.
A
soft
,
cryptic
utterance
which
seemed
to
reach
deeper
than
any
diamond-hard
tool
could
have
done
.
I
do
believe
he
understood
my
case
.
But
the
second
engineer
attacked
me
differently
.
He
was
a
sturdy
young
Scot
,
with
a
smooth
face
and
light
eyes
.
His
honest
red
countenance
emerged
out
of
the
engine-room
companion
and
then
the
whole
robust
man
,
with
shirt
sleeves
turned
up
,
wiping
slowly
the
massive
fore-arms
with
a
lump
of
cotton-waste
.
And
his
light
eyes
expressed
bitter
distaste
,
as
though
our
friendship
had
turned
to
ashes
.
He
said
weightily
:
“
Oh
!
Aye
!
I’ve
been
thinking
it
was
about
time
for
you
to
run
away
home
and
get
married
to
some
silly
girl
.
”
It
was
tacitly
understood
in
the
port
that
John
Nieven
was
a
fierce
misogynist
;
and
the
absurd
character
of
the
sally
convinced
me
that
he
meant
to
be
nasty
—
very
nasty
—
had
meant
to
say
the
most
crushing
thing
he
could
think
of
.
My
laugh
sounded
deprecatory
.
Nobody
but
a
friend
could
be
so
angry
as
that
.
I
became
a
little
crestfallen
.
Our
chief
engineer
also
took
a
characteristic
view
of
my
action
,
but
in
a
kindlier
spirit
.
He
was
young
,
too
,
but
very
thin
,
and
with
a
mist
of
fluffy
brown
beard
all
round
his
haggard
face
.
All
day
long
,
at
sea
or
in
harbour
,
he
could
be
seen
walking
hastily
up
and
down
the
after-deck
,
wearing
an
intense
,
spiritually
rapt
expression
,
which
was
caused
by
a
perpetual
consciousness
of
unpleasant
physical
sensations
in
his
internal
economy
.
For
he
was
a
confirmed
dyspeptic
.
His
view
of
my
case
was
very
simple
.
He
said
it
was
nothing
but
deranged
liver
.
Of
course
!
He
suggested
I
should
stay
for
another
trip
and
meantime
dose
myself
with
a
certain
patent
medicine
in
which
his
own
belief
was
absolute
.
“
I’ll
tell
you
what
I’ll
do
.
I’ll
buy
you
two
bottles
,
out
of
my
own
pocket
.
There
.
I
can’t
say
fairer
than
that
,
can
I
?
”
I
believe
he
would
have
perpetrated
the
atrocity
(
or
generosity
)
at
the
merest
sign
of
weakening
on
my
part
.
By
that
time
,
however
,
I
was
more
discontented
,
disgusted
,
and
dogged
than
ever
.
The
past
eighteen
months
,
so
full
of
new
and
varied
experience
,
appeared
a
dreary
,
prosaic
waste
of
days
.
I
felt
—
how
shall
I
express
it
?
—
that
there
was
no
truth
to
be
got
out
of
them
.
What
truth
?
I
should
have
been
hard
put
to
it
to
explain
.
Probably
,
if
pressed
,
I
would
have
burst
into
tears
simply
.
I
was
young
enough
for
that
.
Next
day
the
Captain
and
I
transacted
our
business
in
the
Harbour
Office
.
It
was
a
lofty
,
big
,
cool
,
white
room
,
where
the
screened
light
of
day
glowed
serenely
.
Everybody
in
it
—
the
officials
,
the
public
—
were
in
white
.
Only
the
heavy
polished
desks
gleamed
darkly
in
a
central
avenue
,
and
some
papers
lying
on
them
were
blue
.
Enormous
punkahs
sent
from
on
high
a
gentle
draught
through
that
immaculate
interior
and
upon
our
perspiring
heads
.
The
official
behind
the
desk
we
approached
grinned
amiably
and
kept
it
up
till
,
in
answer
to
his
perfunctory
question
,
“
Sign
off
and
on
again
?
”
my
Captain
answered
,
“
No
!
Signing
off
for
good
.
”
And
then
his
grin
vanished
in
sudden
solemnity
.
He
did
not
look
at
me
again
till
he
handed
me
my
papers
with
a
sorrowful
expression
,
as
if
they
had
been
my
passports
for
Hades
.
While
I
was
putting
them
away
he
murmured
some
question
to
the
Captain
,
and
I
heard
the
latter
answer
good-humouredly
:
“
No.
He
leaves
us
to
go
home
.
”
“
Oh
!
”
the
other
exclaimed
,
nodding
mournfully
over
my
sad
condition
.
I
didn’t
know
him
outside
the
official
building
,
but
he
leaned
forward
the
desk
to
shake
hands
with
me
,
compassionately
,
as
one
would
with
some
poor
devil
going
out
to
be
hanged
;
and
I
am
afraid
I
performed
my
part
ungraciously
,
in
the
hardened
manner
of
an
impenitent
criminal
.
No
homeward-bound
mail-boat
was
due
for
three
or
four
days
.
Being
now
a
man
without
a
ship
,
and
having
for
a
time
broken
my
connection
with
the
sea
—
become
,
in
fact
,
a
mere
potential
passenger
—
it
would
have
been
more
appropriate
perhaps
if
I
had
gone
to
stay
at
an
hotel
.
There
it
was
,
too
,
within
a
stone’s
throw
of
the
Harbour
Office
,
low
,
but
somehow
palatial
,
displaying
its
white
,
pillared
pavilions
surrounded
by
trim
grass
plots
.
I
would
have
felt
a
passenger
indeed
in
there
!
I
gave
it
a
hostile
glance
and
directed
my
steps
toward
the
Officers’
Sailors’
Home
.
I
walked
in
the
sunshine
,
disregarding
it
,
and
in
the
shade
of
the
big
trees
on
the
esplanade
without
enjoying
it
.
The
heat
of
the
tropical
East
descended
through
the
leafy
boughs
,
enveloping
my
thinly-clad
body
,
clinging
to
my
rebellious
discontent
,
as
if
to
rob
it
of
its
freedom
.
The
Officers’
Home
was
a
large
bungalow
with
a
wide
verandah
and
a
curiously
suburban-looking
little
garden
of
bushes
and
a
few
trees
between
it
and
the
street
.
That
institution
partook
somewhat
of
the
character
of
a
residential
club
,
but
with
a
slightly
Governmental
flavour
about
it
,
because
it
was
administered
by
the
Harbour
Office
.
Its
manager
was
officially
styled
Chief
Steward
.
He
was
an
unhappy
,
wizened
little
man
,
who
if
put
into
a
jockey’s
rig
would
have
looked
the
part
to
perfection
.
But
it
was
obvious
that
at
some
time
or
other
in
his
life
,
in
some
capacity
or
other
,
he
had
been
connected
with
the
sea
.
Possibly
in
the
comprehensive
capacity
of
a
failure
.
I
should
have
thought
his
employment
a
very
easy
one
,
but
he
used
to
affirm
for
some
reason
or
other
that
his
job
would
be
the
death
of
him
some
day
.
It
was
rather
mysterious
.
Perhaps
everything
naturally
was
too
much
trouble
for
him
.
He
certainly
seemed
to
hate
having
people
in
the
house
.
On
entering
it
I
thought
he
must
be
feeling
pleased
.
It
was
as
still
as
a
tomb
.
I
could
see
no
one
in
the
living
rooms
;
and
the
verandah
,
too
,
was
empty
,
except
for
a
man
at
the
far
end
dozing
prone
in
a
long
chair
.
At
the
noise
of
my
footsteps
he
opened
one
horribly
fish-like
eye
.
He
was
a
stranger
to
me
.
I
retreated
from
there
,
and
crossing
the
dining
room
—
a
very
bare
apartment
with
a
motionless
punkah
hanging
over
the
centre
table
—
I
knocked
at
a
door
labelled
in
black
letters
:
“
Chief
Steward
.
”
The
answer
to
my
knock
being
a
vexed
and
doleful
plaint
:
“
Oh
,
dear
!
Oh
,
dear
!
What
is
it
now
?
”
I
went
in
at
once
.
It
was
a
strange
room
to
find
in
the
tropics
.
Twilight
and
stuffiness
reigned
in
there
.
The
fellow
had
hung
enormously
ample
,
dusty
,
cheap
lace
curtains
over
his
windows
,
which
were
shut
.
Piles
of
cardboard
boxes
,
such
as
milliners
and
dressmakers
use
in
Europe
,
cumbered
the
corners
;
and
by
some
means
he
had
procured
for
himself
the
sort
of
furniture
that
might
have
come
out
of
a
respectable
parlour
in
the
East
End
of
London
—
a
horsehair
sofa
,
arm-chairs
of
the
same
.
I
glimpsed
grimy
antimacassars
scattered
over
that
horrid
upholstery
,
which
was
awe-inspiring
,
insomuch
that
one
could
not
guess
what
mysterious
accident
,
need
,
or
fancy
had
collected
it
there
.
Its
owner
had
taken
off
his
tunic
,
and
in
white
trousers
and
a
thin
,
short-sleeved
singlet
prowled
behind
the
chair-backs
nursing
his
meagre
elbows
.
An
exclamation
of
dismay
escaped
him
when
he
heard
that
I
had
come
for
a
stay
;
but
he
could
not
deny
that
there
were
plenty
of
vacant
rooms
.
“
Very
well
.
Can
you
give
me
the
one
I
had
before
?
”
He
emitted
a
faint
moan
from
behind
a
pile
of
cardboard
boxes
on
the
table
,
which
might
have
contained
gloves
or
handkerchiefs
or
neckties
.
I
wonder
what
the
fellow
did
keep
in
them
?
There
was
a
smell
of
decaying
coral
,
or
Oriental
dust
of
zoological
speciments
in
that
den
of
his
.
I
could
only
see
the
top
of
his
head
and
his
unhappy
eyes
levelled
at
me
over
the
barrier
.
“
It’s
only
for
a
couple
of
days
,
”
I
said
,
intending
to
cheer
him
up
.
“
Perhaps
you
would
like
to
pay
in
advance
?
”
he
suggested
eagerly
.
“
Certainly
not
!
”
I
burst
out
directly
I
could
speak
.
“
Never
heard
of
such
a
thing
!
This
is
the
most
infernal
cheek
.
.
.
.
”
He
had
seized
his
head
in
both
hands
—
a
gesture
of
despair
which
checked
my
indignation
.
“
Oh
,
dear
!
Oh
,
dear
!
Don’t
fly
out
like
this
.
I
am
asking
everybody
.
”
“
I
don’t
believe
it
,
”
I
said
bluntly
.
“
Well
,
I
am
going
to
.
And
if
you
gentlemen
all
agreed
to
pay
in
advance
I
could
make
Hamilton
pay
up
,
too
.
He’s
always
turning
up
ashore
dead
broke
,
and
even
when
he
has
some
money
he
won’t
settle
his
bills
.
I
don’t
know
what
to
do
with
him
.
He
swears
at
me
and
tells
me
I
can’t
chuck
a
white
man
out
into
the
street
here
.
So
if
you
only
would
.
.
.
.
”
I
was
amazed
.
Incredulous
,
too
.
I
suspected
the
fellow
of
gratuitous
impertinence
.
I
told
him
with
marked
emphasis
that
I
would
see
him
and
Hamilton
hanged
first
,
and
requested
him
to
conduct
me
to
my
room
with
no
more
of
his
nonsense
.
He
produced
then
a
key
from
somewhere
and
led
the
way
out
of
his
lair
,
giving
me
a
vicious
sidelong
look
in
passing
.
“
Any
one
I
know
staying
here
?
”
I
asked
him
before
he
left
my
room
.
He
had
recovered
his
usual
pained
impatient
tone
,
and
said
that
Captain
Giles
was
there
,
back
from
a
Solo
Sea
trip
.
Two
other
guests
were
staying
also
.
He
paused
.
And
,
of
course
,
Hamilton
,
he
added
.
“
Oh
,
yes
!
Hamilton
,
”
I
said
,
and
the
miserable
creature
took
himself
off
with
a
final
groan
.
His
impudence
still
rankled
when
I
came
into
the
dining
room
at
tiffin
time
.
He
was
there
on
duty
overlooking
the
Chinamen
servants
.
The
tiffin
was
laid
on
one
end
only
of
the
long
table
,
and
the
punkah
was
stirring
the
hot
air
lazily
—
mostly
above
a
barren
waste
of
polished
wood
.
We
were
four
around
the
cloth
.
The
dozing
stranger
from
the
chair
was
one
.
Both
his
eyes
were
partly
opened
now
,
but
they
did
not
seem
to
see
anything
.
He
was
supine
.
The
dignified
person
next
him
,
with
short
side
whiskers
and
a
carefully
scraped
chin
,
was
,
of
course
,
Hamilton
.
I
have
never
seen
any
one
so
full
of
dignity
for
the
station
in
life
Providence
had
been
pleased
to
place
him
in
.
I
had
been
told
that
he
regarded
me
as
a
rank
outsider
.
He
raised
not
only
his
eyes
,
but
his
eyebrows
as
well
,
at
the
sound
I
made
pulling
back
my
chair
.
Captain
Giles
was
at
the
head
of
the
table
.
I
exchanged
a
few
words
of
greeting
with
him
and
sat
down
on
his
left
.
Stout
and
pale
,
with
a
great
shiny
dome
of
a
bald
forehead
and
prominent
brown
eyes
,
he
might
have
been
anything
but
a
seaman
.
You
would
not
have
been
surprised
to
learn
that
he
was
an
architect
.
To
me
(
I
know
how
absurd
it
is
)
he
looked
like
a
churchwarden
.
He
had
the
appearance
of
a
man
from
whom
you
would
expect
sound
advice
,
moral
sentiments
,
with
perhaps
a
platitude
or
two
thrown
in
on
occasion
,
not
from
a
desire
to
dazzle
,
but
from
honest
conviction
.
Though
very
well
known
and
appreciated
in
the
shipping
world
,
he
had
no
regular
employment
.
He
did
not
want
it
.
He
had
his
own
peculiar
position
.
He
was
an
expert
.
An
expert
in
—
how
shall
I
say
it
?
—
in
intricate
navigation
.
He
was
supposed
to
know
more
about
remote
and
imperfectly
charted
parts
of
the
Archipelago
than
any
man
living
.
His
brain
must
have
been
a
perfect
warehouse
of
reefs
,
positions
,
bearings
,
images
of
headlands
,
shapes
of
obscure
coasts
,
aspects
of
innumerable
islands
,
desert
and
otherwise
.
Any
ship
,
for
instance
,
bound
on
a
trip
to
Palawan
or
somewhere
that
way
would
have
Captain
Giles
on
board
,
either
in
temporary
command
or
“
to
assist
the
master
.
”
It
was
said
that
he
had
a
retaining
fee
from
a
wealthy
firm
of
Chinese
steamship
owners
,
in
view
of
such
services
.
Besides
,
he
was
always
ready
to
relieve
any
man
who
wished
to
take
a
spell
ashore
for
a
time
.
No
owner
was
ever
known
to
object
to
an
arrangement
of
that
sort
.
For
it
seemed
to
be
the
established
opinion
at
the
port
that
Captain
Giles
was
as
good
as
the
best
,
if
not
a
little
better
.
But
in
Hamilton’s
view
he
was
an
“
outsider
.
”
I
believe
that
for
Hamilton
the
generalisation
“
outsider
”
covered
the
whole
lot
of
us
;
though
I
suppose
that
he
made
some
distinctions
in
his
mind
.
I
didn’t
try
to
make
conversation
with
Captain
Giles
,
whom
I
had
not
seen
more
than
twice
in
my
life
.
But
,
of
course
,
he
knew
who
I
was
.
After
a
while
,
inclining
his
big
shiny
head
my
way
,
he
addressed
me
first
in
his
friendly
fashion
.
He
presumed
from
seeing
me
there
,
he
said
,
that
I
had
come
ashore
for
a
couple
of
days’
leave
.
He
was
a
low-voiced
man
.
I
spoke
a
little
louder
,
saying
that
:
No
—
I
had
left
the
ship
for
good
.
“
A
free
man
for
a
bit
,
”
was
his
comment
.
“
I
suppose
I
may
call
myself
that
—
since
eleven
o’clock
,
”
I
said
.
Hamilton
had
stopped
eating
at
the
sound
of
our
voices
.
He
laid
down
his
knife
and
fork
gently
,
got
up
,
and
muttering
something
about
“
this
infernal
heat
cutting
one’s
appetite
,
”
went
out
of
the
room
.
Almost
immediately
we
heard
him
leave
the
house
down
the
verandah
steps
.
On
this
Captain
Giles
remarked
easily
that
the
fellow
had
no
doubt
gone
off
to
look
after
my
old
job
.
The
Chief
Steward
,
who
had
been
leaning
against
the
wall
,
brought
his
face
of
an
unhappy
goat
nearer
to
the
table
and
addressed
us
dolefully
.
His
object
was
to
unburden
himself
of
his
eternal
grievance
against
Hamilton
.
The
man
kept
him
in
hot
water
with
the
Harbour
Office
as
to
the
state
of
his
accounts
.
He
wished
to
goodness
he
would
get
my
job
,
though
in
truth
what
would
it
be
?
Temporary
relief
at
best
.
I
said
:
“
You
needn’t
worry
.
He
won’t
get
my
job
.
My
successor
is
on
board
already
.
”
He
was
surprised
,
and
I
believe
his
face
fell
a
little
at
the
news
.
Captain
Giles
gave
a
soft
laugh
.
We
got
up
and
went
out
on
the
verandah
,
leaving
the
supine
stranger
to
be
dealt
with
by
the
Chinamen
.
The
last
thing
I
saw
they
had
put
a
plate
with
a
slice
of
pine-apple
on
it
before
him
and
stood
back
to
watch
what
would
happen
.
But
the
experiment
seemed
a
failure
.
He
sat
insensible
.
It
was
imparted
to
me
in
a
low
voice
by
Captain
Giles
that
this
was
an
officer
of
some
Rajah’s
yacht
which
had
come
into
our
port
to
be
dry-docked
.
Must
have
been
“
seeing
life
”
last
night
,
he
added
,
wrinkling
his
nose
in
an
intimate
,
confidential
way
which
pleased
me
vastly
.
For
Captain
Giles
had
prestige
.
He
was
credited
with
wonderful
adventures
and
with
some
mysterious
tragedy
in
his
life
.
And
no
man
had
a
word
to
say
against
him
.
He
continued
:
“
I
remember
him
first
coming
ashore
here
some
years
ago
.
Seems
only
the
other
day
.
He
was
a
nice
boy
.
Oh
!
these
nice
boys
!
”
I
could
not
help
laughing
aloud
.
He
looked
startled
,
then
joined
in
the
laugh
.
“
No
!
No
!
I
didn’t
mean
that
,
”
he
cried
.
“
What
I
meant
is
that
some
of
them
do
go
soft
mighty
quick
out
here
.
”
Jocularly
I
suggested
the
beastly
heat
as
the
first
cause
.
But
Captain
Giles
disclosed
himself
possessed
of
a
deeper
philosophy
.
Things
out
East
were
made
easy
for
white
men
.
That
was
all
right
.
The
difficulty
was
to
go
on
keeping
white
,
and
some
of
these
nice
boys
did
not
know
how
.
He
gave
me
a
searching
look
,
and
in
a
benevolent
,
heavy-uncle
manner
asked
point
blank
:
“
Why
did
you
throw
up
your
berth
?
”
I
became
angry
all
of
a
sudden
;
for
you
can
understand
how
exasperating
such
a
question
was
to
a
man
who
didn’t
know
.
I
said
to
myself
that
I
ought
to
shut
up
that
moralist
;
and
to
him
aloud
I
said
with
challenging
politeness
:
“
Why
.
.
.
?
Do
you
disapprove
?
”
He
was
too
disconcerted
to
do
more
than
mutter
confusedly
:
“
I
!
.
.
.
In
a
general
way
.
.
.
”
and
then
gave
me
up
.
But
he
retired
in
good
order
,
under
the
cover
of
a
heavily
humorous
remark
that
he
,
too
,
was
getting
soft
,
and
that
this
was
his
time
for
taking
his
little
siesta
—
when
he
was
on
shore
.
“
Very
bad
habit
.
Very
bad
habit
.
”
There
was
a
simplicity
in
the
man
which
would
have
disarmed
a
touchiness
even
more
youthful
than
mine
.
So
when
next
day
at
tiffin
he
bent
his
head
toward
me
and
said
that
he
had
met
my
late
Captain
last
evening
,
adding
in
an
undertone
:
“
He’s
very
sorry
you
left
.
He
had
never
had
a
mate
that
suited
him
so
well
,
”
I
answered
him
earnestly
,
without
any
affectation
,
that
I
certainly
hadn’t
been
so
comfortable
in
any
ship
or
with
any
commander
in
all
my
sea-going
days
.
“
Well
—
then
,
”
he
murmured
.
“
Haven’t
you
heard
,
Captain
Giles
,
that
I
intend
to
go
home
?
”
“
Yes
,
”
he
said
benevolently
.
“
I
have
heard
that
sort
of
thing
so
often
before
.
”
“
What
of
that
?
”
I
cried
.
I
thought
he
was
the
most
dull
,
unimaginative
man
I
had
ever
met
.
I
don’t
know
what
more
I
would
have
said
,
but
the
much-belated
Hamilton
came
in
just
then
and
took
his
usual
seat
.
So
I
dropped
into
a
mumble
.
“
Anyhow
,
you
shall
see
it
done
this
time
.
”
Hamilton
,
beautifully
shaved
,
gave
Captain
Giles
a
curt
nod
,
but
didn’t
even
condescend
to
raise
his
eyebrows
at
me
;
and
when
he
spoke
it
was
only
to
tell
the
Chief
Steward
that
the
food
on
his
plate
wasn’t
fit
to
be
set
before
a
gentleman
.
The
individual
addressed
seemed
much
too
unhappy
to
groan
.
He
cast
his
eyes
up
to
the
punkah
and
that
was
all
.
Captain
Giles
and
I
got
up
from
the
table
,
and
the
stranger
next
to
Hamilton
followed
our
example
,
manoeuvring
himself
to
his
feet
with
difficulty
.
He
,
poor
fellow
,
not
because
he
was
hungry
but
I
verily
believe
only
to
recover
his
self-respect
,
had
tried
to
put
some
of
that
unworthy
food
into
his
mouth
.
But
after
dropping
his
fork
twice
and
generally
making
a
failure
of
it
,
he
had
sat
still
with
an
air
of
intense
mortification
combined
with
a
ghastly
glazed
stare
.
Both
Giles
and
I
had
avoided
looking
his
way
at
table
.
On
the
verandah
he
stopped
short
on
purpose
to
address
to
us
anxiously
a
long
remark
which
I
failed
to
understand
completely
.
It
sounded
like
some
horrible
unknown
language
.
But
when
Captain
Giles
,
after
only
an
instant
for
reflection
,
assured
him
with
homely
friendliness
,
“
Aye
,
to
be
sure
.
You
are
right
there
,
”
he
appeared
very
much
gratified
indeed
,
and
went
away
(
pretty
straight
,
too
)
to
seek
a
distant
long
chair
.
“
What
was
he
trying
to
say
?
”
I
asked
with
disgust
.
“
I
don’t
know
.
Mustn’t
be
down
too
much
on
a
fellow
.
He’s
feeling
pretty
wretched
,
you
may
be
sure
;
and
to-morrow
he’ll
feel
worse
yet
.
”
Judging
by
the
man’s
appearance
it
seemed
impossible
.
I
wondered
what
sort
of
complicated
debauch
had
reduced
him
to
that
unspeakable
condition
.
Captain
Giles’
benevolence
was
spoiled
by
a
curious
air
of
complacency
which
I
disliked
.
I
said
with
a
little
laugh
:
“
Well
,
he
will
have
you
to
look
after
him
.
”
He
made
a
deprecatory
gesture
,
sat
down
,
and
took
up
a
paper
.
I
did
the
same
.
The
papers
were
old
and
uninteresting
,
filled
up
mostly
with
dreary
stereotyped
descriptions
of
Queen
Victoria’s
first
jubilee
celebrations
.
Probably
we
should
have
quickly
fallen
into
a
tropical
afternoon
doze
if
it
had
not
been
for
Hamilton’s
voice
raised
in
the
dining
room
.
He
was
finishing
his
tiffin
there
.
The
big
double
doors
stood
wide
open
permanently
,
and
he
could
not
have
had
any
idea
how
near
to
the
doorway
our
chairs
were
placed
.
He
was
heard
in
a
loud
,
supercilious
tone
answering
some
statement
ventured
by
the
Chief
Steward
.
“
I
am
not
going
to
be
rushed
into
anything
.
They
will
be
glad
enough
to
get
a
gentleman
I
imagine
.
There
is
no
hurry
.
”
A
loud
whispering
from
the
Steward
succeeded
and
then
again
Hamilton
was
heard
with
even
intenser
scorn
.
“
What
?
That
young
ass
who
fancies
himself
for
having
been
chief
mate
with
Kent
so
long
?
.
.
.
Preposterous
.
”
Giles
and
I
looked
at
each
other
.
Kent
being
the
name
of
my
late
commander
,
Captain
Giles’
whisper
,
“
He’s
talking
of
you
,
”
seemed
to
me
sheer
waste
of
breath
.
The
Chief
Steward
must
have
stuck
to
his
point
,
whatever
it
was
,
because
Hamilton
was
heard
again
more
supercilious
if
possible
,
and
also
very
emphatic
:
“
Rubbish
,
my
good
man
!
One
doesn’t
compete
with
a
rank
outsider
like
that
.
There’s
plenty
of
time
.
”
Then
there
were
pushing
of
chairs
,
footsteps
in
the
next
room
,
and
plaintive
expostulations
from
the
Steward
,
who
was
pursuing
Hamilton
,
even
out
of
doors
through
the
main
entrance
.
“
That’s
a
very
insulting
sort
of
man
,
”
remarked
Captain
Giles
—
superfluously
,
I
thought
.
“
Very
insulting
.
You
haven’t
offended
him
in
some
way
,
have
you
?
”
“
Never
spoke
to
him
in
my
life
,
”
I
said
grumpily
.
“
Can’t
imagine
what
he
means
by
competing
.
He
has
been
trying
for
my
job
after
I
left
—
and
didn’t
get
it
.
But
that
isn’t
exactly
competition
.
”
Captain
Giles
balanced
his
big
benevolent
head
thoughtfully
.
“
He
didn’t
get
it
,
”
he
repeated
very
slowly
.
“
No
,
not
likely
either
,
with
Kent
.
Kent
is
no
end
sorry
you
left
him
.
He
gives
you
the
name
of
a
good
seaman
,
too
.
”
I
flung
away
the
paper
I
was
still
holding
.
I
sat
up
,
I
slapped
the
table
with
my
open
palm
.
I
wanted
to
know
why
he
would
keep
harping
on
that
,
my
absolutely
private
affair
.
It
was
exasperating
,
really
.
Captain
Giles
silenced
me
by
the
perfect
equanimity
of
his
gaze
.
“
Nothing
to
be
annoyed
about
,
”
he
murmured
reasonably
,
with
an
evident
desire
to
soothe
the
childish
irritation
he
had
aroused
.
And
he
was
really
a
man
of
an
appearance
so
inoffensive
that
I
tried
to
explain
myself
as
much
as
I
could
.
I
told
him
that
I
did
not
want
to
hear
any
more
about
what
was
past
and
gone
.
It
had
been
very
nice
while
it
lasted
,
but
now
it
was
done
with
I
preferred
not
to
talk
about
it
or
even
think
about
it
.
I
had
made
up
my
mind
to
go
home
.
He
listened
to
the
whole
tirade
in
a
particular
lending-the-ear
attitude
,
as
if
trying
to
detect
a
false
note
in
it
somewhere
;
then
straightened
himself
up
and
appeared
to
ponder
sagaciously
over
the
matter
.
“
Yes
.
You
told
me
you
meant
to
go
home
.
Anything
in
view
there
?
”
Instead
of
telling
him
that
it
was
none
of
his
business
I
said
sullenly
:
“
Nothing
that
I
know
of
.
”
I
had
indeed
considered
that
rather
blank
side
of
the
situation
I
had
created
for
myself
by
leaving
suddenly
my
very
satisfactory
employment
.
And
I
was
not
very
pleased
with
it
.
I
had
it
on
the
tip
of
my
tongue
to
say
that
common
sense
had
nothing
to
do
with
my
action
,
and
that
therefore
it
didn’t
deserve
the
interest
Captain
Giles
seemed
to
be
taking
in
it
.
But
he
was
puffing
at
a
short
wooden
pipe
now
,
and
looked
so
guileless
,
dense
,
and
commonplace
,
that
it
seemed
hardly
worth
while
to
puzzle
him
either
with
truth
or
sarcasm
.
He
blew
a
cloud
of
smoke
,
then
surprised
me
by
a
very
abrupt
:
“
Paid
your
passage
money
yet
?
”
Overcome
by
the
shameless
pertinacity
of
a
man
to
whom
it
was
rather
difficult
to
be
rude
,
I
replied
with
exaggerated
meekness
that
I
had
not
done
so
yet
.
I
thought
there
would
be
plenty
of
time
to
do
that
to-morrow
.
And
I
was
about
to
turn
away
,
withdrawing
my
privacy
from
his
fatuous
,
objectless
attempts
to
test
what
sort
of
stuff
it
was
made
of
,
when
he
laid
down
his
pipe
in
an
extremely
significant
manner
,
you
know
,
as
if
a
critical
moment
had
come
,
and
leaned
sideways
over
the
table
between
us
.
“
Oh
!
You
haven’t
yet
!
”
He
dropped
his
voice
mysteriously
.
“
Well
,
then
I
think
you
ought
to
know
that
there’s
something
going
on
here
.
”
I
had
never
in
my
life
felt
more
detached
from
all
earthly
goings
on
.
Freed
from
the
sea
for
a
time
,
I
preserved
the
sailor’s
consciousness
of
complete
independence
from
all
land
affairs
.
How
could
they
concern
me
?
I
gazed
at
Captain
Giles’
animation
with
scorn
rather
than
with
curiosity
.
To
his
obviously
preparatory
question
whether
our
Steward
had
spoken
to
me
that
day
I
said
he
hadn’t
.
And
what’s
more
he
would
have
had
precious
little
encouragement
if
he
had
tried
to
.
I
didn’t
want
the
fellow
to
speak
to
me
at
all
.
Unrebuked
by
my
petulance
,
Captain
Giles
,
with
an
air
of
immense
sagacity
,
began
to
tell
me
a
minute
tale
about
a
Harbour
Office
peon
.
It
was
absolutely
pointless
.
A
peon
was
seen
walking
that
morning
on
the
verandah
with
a
letter
in
his
hand
.
It
was
in
an
official
envelope
.
As
the
habit
of
these
fellows
is
,
he
had
shown
it
to
the
first
white
man
he
came
across
.
That
man
was
our
friend
in
the
arm-chair
.
He
,
as
I
knew
,
was
not
in
a
state
to
interest
himself
in
any
sublunary
matters
.
He
could
only
wave
the
peon
away
.
The
peon
then
wandered
on
along
the
verandah
and
came
upon
Captain
Giles
,
who
was
there
by
an
extraordinary
chance
.
.
.
.
At
this
point
he
stopped
with
a
profound
look
.
The
letter
,
he
continued
,
was
addressed
to
the
Chief
Steward
.
Now
what
could
Captain
Ellis
,
the
Master
Attendant
,
want
to
write
to
the
Steward
for
?
The
fellow
went
every
morning
,
anyhow
,
to
the
Harbour
Office
with
his
report
,
for
orders
or
what
not
.
He
hadn’t
been
back
more
than
an
hour
before
there
was
an
office
peon
chasing
him
with
a
note
.
Now
what
was
that
for
?
And
he
began
to
speculate
.
It
was
not
for
this
—
and
it
could
not
be
for
that
.
As
to
that
other
thing
it
was
unthinkable
.
The
fatuousness
of
all
this
made
me
stare
.
If
the
man
had
not
been
somehow
a
sympathetic
personality
I
would
have
resented
it
like
an
insult
.
As
it
was
,
I
felt
only
sorry
for
him
.
Something
remarkably
earnest
in
his
gaze
prevented
me
from
laughing
in
his
face
.
Neither
did
I
yawn
at
him
.
I
just
stared
.
His
tone
became
a
shade
more
mysterious
.
Directly
the
fellow
(
meaning
the
Steward
)
got
that
note
he
rushed
for
his
hat
and
bolted
out
of
the
house
.
But
it
wasn’t
because
the
note
called
him
to
the
Harbour
Office
.
He
didn’t
go
there
.
He
was
not
absent
long
enough
for
that
.
He
came
darting
back
in
no
time
,
flung
his
hat
away
,
and
raced
about
the
dining
room
moaning
and
slapping
his
forehead
.
All
these
exciting
facts
and
manifestations
had
been
observed
by
Captain
Giles
.
He
had
,
it
seems
,
been
meditating
upon
them
ever
since
.
I
began
to
pity
him
profoundly
.
And
in
a
tone
which
I
tried
to
make
as
little
sarcastic
as
possible
I
said
that
I
was
glad
he
had
found
something
to
occupy
his
morning
hours
.
With
his
disarming
simplicity
he
made
me
observe
,
as
if
it
were
a
matter
of
some
consequence
,
how
strange
it
was
that
he
should
have
spent
the
morning
indoors
at
all
.
He
generally
was
out
before
tiffin
,
visiting
various
offices
,
seeing
his
friends
in
the
harbour
,
and
so
on
.
He
had
felt
out
of
sorts
somewhat
on
rising
.
Nothing
much
.
Just
enough
to
make
him
feel
lazy
.
All
this
with
a
sustained
,
holding
stare
which
,
in
conjunction
with
the
general
inanity
of
the
discourse
,
conveyed
the
impression
of
mild
,
dreary
lunacy
.
And
when
he
hitched
his
chair
a
little
and
dropped
his
voice
to
the
low
note
of
mystery
,
it
flashed
upon
me
that
high
professional
reputation
was
not
necessarily
a
guarantee
of
sound
mind
.
It
never
occurred
to
me
then
that
I
didn’t
know
in
what
soundness
of
mind
exactly
consisted
and
what
a
delicate
and
,
upon
the
whole
,
unimportant
matter
it
was
.
With
some
idea
of
not
hurting
his
feelings
I
blinked
at
him
in
an
interested
manner
.
But
when
he
proceeded
to
ask
me
mysteriously
whether
I
remembered
what
had
passed
just
now
between
that
Steward
of
ours
and
“
that
man
Hamilton
,
”
I
only
grunted
sourly
assent
and
turned
away
my
head
.
“
Aye
.
But
do
you
remember
every
word
?
”
he
insisted
tactfully
.
“
I
don’t
know
.
It’s
none
of
my
business
,
”
I
snapped
out
,
consigning
,
moreover
,
the
Steward
and
Hamilton
aloud
to
eternal
perdition
.
I
meant
to
be
very
energetic
and
final
,
but
Captain
Giles
continued
to
gaze
at
me
thoughtfully
.
Nothing
could
stop
him
.
He
went
on
to
point
out
that
my
personality
was
involved
in
that
conversation
.
When
I
tried
to
preserve
the
semblance
of
unconcern
he
became
positively
cruel
.
I
heard
what
the
man
had
said
?
Yes
?
What
did
I
think
of
it
then
?
—
he
wanted
to
know
.
Captain
Giles’
appearance
excluding
the
suspicion
of
mere
sly
malice
,
I
came
to
the
conclusion
that
he
was
simply
the
most
tactless
idiot
on
earth
.
I
almost
despised
myself
for
the
weakness
of
attempting
to
enlighten
his
common
understanding
.
I
started
to
explain
that
I
did
not
think
anything
whatever
.
Hamilton
was
not
worth
a
thought
.
What
such
an
offensive
loafer
.
.
.
“
Aye
!
that
he
is
,
”
interjected
Captain
Giles
.
.
.
thought
or
said
was
below
any
decent
man’s
contempt
,
and
I
did
not
propose
to
take
the
slightest
notice
of
it
.
This
attitude
seemed
to
me
so
simple
and
obvious
that
I
was
really
astonished
at
Giles
giving
no
sign
of
assent
.
Such
perfect
stupidity
was
almost
interesting
.
“
What
would
you
like
me
to
do
?
”
I
asked
,
laughing
.
“
I
can’t
start
a
row
with
him
because
of
the
opinion
he
has
formed
of
me
.
Of
course
,
I’ve
heard
of
the
contemptuous
way
he
alludes
to
me
.
But
he
doesn’t
intrude
his
contempt
on
my
notice
.
He
has
never
expressed
it
in
my
hearing
.
For
even
just
now
he
didn’t
know
we
could
hear
him
.
I
should
only
make
myself
ridiculous
.
”
That
hopeless
Giles
went
on
puffing
at
his
pipe
moodily
.
All
at
once
his
face
cleared
,
and
he
spoke
.
“
You
missed
my
point
.
”
“
Have
I
?
I
am
very
glad
to
hear
it
,
”
I
said
.
With
increasing
animation
he
stated
again
that
I
had
missed
his
point
.
Entirely
.
And
in
a
tone
of
growing
self-conscious
complacency
he
told
me
that
few
things
escaped
his
attention
,
and
he
was
rather
used
to
think
them
out
,
and
generally
from
his
experience
of
life
and
men
arrived
at
the
right
conclusion
.
This
bit
of
self-praise
,
of
course
,
fitted
excellently
the
laborious
inanity
of
the
whole
conversation
.
The
whole
thing
strengthened
in
me
that
obscure
feeling
of
life
being
but
a
waste
of
days
,
which
,
half-unconsciously
,
had
driven
me
out
of
a
comfortable
berth
,
away
from
men
I
liked
,
to
flee
from
the
menace
of
emptiness
.
.
.
and
to
find
inanity
at
the
first
turn
.
Here
was
a
man
of
recognized
character
and
achievement
disclosed
as
an
absurd
and
dreary
chatterer
.
And
it
was
probably
like
this
everywhere
—
from
east
to
west
,
from
the
bottom
to
the
top
of
the
social
scale
.
A
great
discouragement
fell
on
me
.
A
spiritual
drowsiness
.
Giles’
voice
was
going
on
complacently
;
the
very
voice
of
the
universal
hollow
conceit
.
And
I
was
no
longer
angry
with
it
.
There
was
nothing
original
,
nothing
new
,
startling
,
informing
,
to
expect
from
the
world
;
no
opportunities
to
find
out
something
about
oneself
,
no
wisdom
to
acquire
,
no
fun
to
enjoy
.
Everything
was
stupid
and
overrated
,
even
as
Captain
Giles
was
.
So
be
it
.
The
name
of
Hamilton
suddenly
caught
my
ear
and
roused
me
up
.
“
I
thought
we
had
done
with
him
,
”
I
said
,
with
the
greatest
possible
distaste
.
“
Yes
.
But
considering
what
we
happened
to
hear
just
now
I
think
you
ought
to
do
it
.
”
“
Ought
to
do
it
?
”
I
sat
up
bewildered
.
“
Do
what
?
”
Captain
Giles
confronted
me
very
much
surprised
.
“
Why
!
Do
what
I
have
been
advising
you
to
try
.
You
go
and
ask
the
Steward
what
was
there
in
that
letter
from
the
Harbour
Office
.
Ask
him
straight
out
.
”
I
remained
speechless
for
a
time
.
Here
was
something
unexpected
and
original
enough
to
be
altogether
incomprehensible
.
I
murmured
,
astounded
:
“
But
I
thought
it
was
Hamilton
that
you
.
.
.
”
“
Exactly
.
Don’t
you
let
him
.
You
do
what
I
tell
you
.
You
tackle
that
Steward
.
You’ll
make
him
jump
,
I
bet
,
”
insisted
Captain
Giles
,
waving
his
smouldering
pipe
impressively
at
me
.
Then
he
took
three
rapid
puffs
at
it
.
His
aspect
of
triumphant
acuteness
was
indescribable
.
Yet
the
man
remained
a
strangely
sympathetic
creature
.
Benevolence
radiated
from
him
ridiculously
,
mildly
,
impressively
.
It
was
irritating
,
too
.
But
I
pointed
out
coldly
,
as
one
who
deals
with
the
incomprehensible
,
that
I
didn’t
see
any
reason
to
expose
myself
to
a
snub
from
the
fellow
.
He
was
a
very
unsatisfactory
steward
and
a
miserable
wretch
besides
,
but
I
would
just
as
soon
think
of
tweaking
his
nose
.
“
Tweaking
his
nose
,
”
said
Captain
Giles
in
a
scandalized
tone
.
“
Much
use
it
would
be
to
you
.
”
That
remark
was
so
irrelevant
that
one
could
make
no
answer
to
it
.
But
the
sense
of
the
absurdity
was
beginning
at
last
to
exercise
its
well-known
fascination
.
I
felt
I
must
not
let
the
man
talk
to
me
any
more
.
I
got
up
,
observing
curtly
that
he
was
too
much
for
me
—
that
I
couldn’t
make
him
out
.
Before
I
had
time
to
move
away
he
spoke
again
in
a
changed
tone
of
obstinacy
and
puffing
nervously
at
his
pipe
.
“
Well
—
he’s
a
—
no
account
cuss
—
anyhow
.
You
just
—
ask
him
.
That’s
all
.
”
That
new
manner
impressed
me
—
or
rather
made
me
pause
.
But
sanity
asserting
its
sway
at
once
I
left
the
verandah
after
giving
him
a
mirthless
smile
.
In
a
few
strides
I
found
myself
in
the
dining
room
,
now
cleared
and
empty
.
But
during
that
short
time
various
thoughts
occurred
to
me
,
such
as
:
that
Giles
had
been
making
fun
of
me
,
expecting
some
amusement
at
my
expense
;
that
I
probably
looked
silly
and
gullible
;
that
I
knew
very
little
of
life
.
.
.
.
The
door
facing
me
across
the
dining
room
flew
open
to
my
extreme
surprise
.
It
was
the
door
inscribed
with
the
word
“
Steward
”
and
the
man
himself
ran
out
of
his
stuffy
,
Philistinish
lair
in
his
absurd
,
hunted-animal
manner
,
making
for
the
garden
door
.
To
this
day
I
don’t
know
what
made
me
call
after
him
.
“
I
say
!
Wait
a
minute
.
”
Perhaps
it
was
the
sidelong
glance
he
gave
me
;
or
possibly
I
was
yet
under
the
influence
of
Captain
Giles’
mysterious
earnestness
.
Well
,
it
was
an
impulse
of
some
sort
;
an
effect
of
that
force
somewhere
within
our
lives
which
shapes
them
this
way
or
that
.
For
if
these
words
had
not
escaped
from
my
lips
(
my
will
had
nothing
to
do
with
that
)
my
existence
would
,
to
be
sure
,
have
been
still
a
seaman’s
existence
,
but
directed
on
now
to
me
utterly
inconceivable
lines
.
No.
My
will
had
nothing
to
do
with
it
.
Indeed
,
no
sooner
had
I
made
that
fateful
noise
than
I
became
extremely
sorry
for
it
.
Had
the
man
stopped
and
faced
me
I
would
have
had
to
retire
in
disorder
.
For
I
had
no
notion
to
carry
out
Captain
Giles’
idiotic
joke
,
either
at
my
own
expense
or
at
the
expense
of
the
Steward
.
But
here
the
old
human
instinct
of
the
chase
came
into
play
.
He
pretended
to
be
deaf
,
and
I
,
without
thinking
a
second
about
it
,
dashed
along
my
own
side
of
the
dining
table
and
cut
him
off
at
the
very
door
.
“
Why
can’t
you
answer
when
you
are
spoken
to
?
”
I
asked
roughly
.
He
leaned
against
the
lintel
of
the
door
.
He
looked
extremely
wretched
.
Human
nature
is
,
I
fear
,
not
very
nice
right
through
.
There
are
ugly
spots
in
it
.
I
found
myself
growing
angry
,
and
that
,
I
believe
,
only
because
my
quarry
looked
so
woe-begone
.
Miserable
beggar
!
I
went
for
him
without
more
ado
.
“
I
understand
there
was
an
official
communication
to
the
Home
from
the
Harbour
Office
this
morning
.
Is
that
so
?
”
Instead
of
telling
me
to
mind
my
own
business
,
as
he
might
have
done
,
he
began
to
whine
with
an
undertone
of
impudence
.
He
couldn’t
see
me
anywhere
this
morning
.
He
couldn’t
be
expected
to
run
all
over
the
town
after
me
.
“
Who
wants
you
to
?
”
I
cried
.
And
then
my
eyes
became
opened
to
the
inwardness
of
things
and
speeches
the
triviality
of
which
had
been
so
baffling
and
tiresome
.
I
told
him
I
wanted
to
know
what
was
in
that
letter
.
My
sternness
of
tone
and
behaviour
was
only
half
assumed
.
Curiosity
can
be
a
very
fierce
sentiment
—
at
times
.
He
took
refuge
in
a
silly
,
muttering
sulkiness
.
It
was
nothing
to
me
,
he
mumbled
.
I
had
told
him
I
was
going
home
.
And
since
I
was
going
home
he
didn’t
see
why
he
should
.
.
.
.
That
was
the
line
of
his
argument
,
and
it
was
irrelevant
enough
to
be
almost
insulting
.
Insulting
to
one’s
intelligence
,
I
mean
.
In
that
twilight
region
between
youth
and
maturity
,
in
which
I
had
my
being
then
,
one
is
peculiarly
sensitive
to
that
kind
of
insult
.
I
am
afraid
my
behaviour
to
the
Steward
became
very
rough
indeed
.
But
it
wasn’t
in
him
to
face
out
anything
or
anybody
.
Drug
habit
or
solitary
tippling
,
perhaps
.
And
when
I
forgot
myself
so
far
as
to
swear
at
him
he
broke
down
and
began
to
shriek
.
I
don’t
mean
to
say
that
he
made
a
great
outcry
.
It
was
a
cynical
shrieking
confession
,
only
faint
—
piteously
faint
.
It
wasn’t
very
coherent
either
,
but
sufficiently
so
to
strike
me
dumb
at
first
.
I
turned
my
eyes
from
him
in
righteous
indignation
,
and
perceived
Captain
Giles
in
the
verandah
doorway
surveying
quietly
the
scene
,
his
own
handiwork
,
if
I
may
express
it
in
that
way
.
His
smouldering
black
pipe
was
very
noticeable
in
his
big
,
paternal
fist
.
So
,
too
,
was
the
glitter
of
his
heavy
gold
watch-chain
across
the
breast
of
his
white
tunic
.
He
exhaled
an
atmosphere
of
virtuous
sagacity
serene
enough
for
any
innocent
soul
to
fly
to
confidently
.
I
flew
to
him
.
“
You
would
never
believe
it
,
”
I
cried
.
“
It
was
a
notification
that
a
master
is
wanted
for
some
ship
.
There’s
a
command
apparently
going
about
and
this
fellow
puts
the
thing
in
his
pocket
.
”
The
Steward
screamed
out
in
accents
of
loud
despair
:
“
You
will
be
the
death
of
me
!
”
The
mighty
slap
he
gave
his
wretched
forehead
was
very
loud
,
too
.
But
when
I
turned
to
look
at
him
he
was
no
longer
there
.
He
had
rushed
away
somewhere
out
of
sight
.
This
sudden
disappearance
made
me
laugh
.
This
was
the
end
of
the
incident
—
for
me
.
Captain
Giles
,
however
,
staring
at
the
place
where
the
Steward
had
been
,
began
to
haul
at
his
gorgeous
gold
chain
till
at
last
the
watch
came
up
from
the
deep
pocket
like
solid
truth
from
a
well
.
Solemnly
he
lowered
it
down
again
and
only
then
said
:
“
Just
three
o’clock
.
You
will
be
in
time
—
if
you
don’t
lose
any
,
that
is
.
”
“
In
time
for
what
?
”
I
asked
.
“
Good
Lord
!
For
the
Harbour
Office
.
This
must
be
looked
into
.
”
Strictly
speaking
,
he
was
right
.
But
I’ve
never
had
much
taste
for
investigation
,
for
showing
people
up
and
all
that
no
doubt
ethically
meritorious
kind
of
work
.
And
my
view
of
the
episode
was
purely
ethical
.
If
any
one
had
to
be
the
death
of
the
Steward
I
didn’t
see
why
it
shouldn’t
be
Captain
Giles
himself
,
a
man
of
age
and
standing
,
and
a
permanent
resident
.
Whereas
,
I
in
comparison
,
felt
myself
a
mere
bird
of
passage
in
that
port
.
In
fact
,
it
might
have
been
said
that
I
had
already
broken
off
my
connection
.
I
muttered
that
I
didn’t
think
—
it
was
nothing
to
me
.
.
.
.
“
Nothing
!
”
repeated
Captain
Giles
,
giving
some
signs
of
quiet
,
deliberate
indignation
.
“
Kent
warned
me
you
were
a
peculiar
young
fellow
.
You
will
tell
me
next
that
a
command
is
nothing
to
you
—
and
after
all
the
trouble
I’ve
taken
,
too
!
”
“
The
trouble
!
”
I
murmured
,
uncomprehending
.
What
trouble
?
All
I
could
remember
was
being
mystified
and
bored
by
his
conversation
for
a
solid
hour
after
tiffin
.
And
he
called
that
taking
a
lot
of
trouble
.
He
was
looking
at
me
with
a
self-complacency
which
would
have
been
odious
in
any
other
man
.
All
at
once
,
as
if
a
page
of
a
book
had
been
turned
over
disclosing
a
word
which
made
plain
all
that
had
gone
before
,
I
perceived
that
this
matter
had
also
another
than
an
ethical
aspect
.
And
still
I
did
not
move
.
Captain
Giles
lost
his
patience
a
little
.
With
an
angry
puff
at
his
pipe
he
turned
his
back
on
my
hesitation
.
But
it
was
not
hesitation
on
my
part
.
I
had
been
,
if
I
may
express
myself
so
,
put
out
of
gear
mentally
.
But
as
soon
as
I
had
convinced
myself
that
this
stale
,
unprofitable
world
of
my
discontent
contained
such
a
thing
as
a
command
to
be
seized
,
I
recovered
my
powers
of
locomotion
.
It’s
a
good
step
from
the
Officers’
Home
to
the
Harbour
Office
;
but
with
the
magic
word
“
Command
”
in
my
head
I
found
myself
suddenly
on
the
quay
as
if
transported
there
in
the
twinkling
of
an
eye
,
before
a
portal
of
dressed
white
stone
above
a
flight
of
shallow
white
steps
.
All
this
seemed
to
glide
toward
me
swiftly
.
The
whole
great
roadstead
to
the
right
was
just
a
mere
flicker
of
blue
,
and
the
dim
cool
hall
swallowed
me
up
out
of
the
heat
and
glare
of
which
I
had
not
been
aware
till
the
very
moment
I
passed
in
from
it
.
The
broad
inner
staircase
insinuated
itself
under
my
feet
somehow
.
Command
is
a
strong
magic
.
The
first
human
beings
I
perceived
distinctly
since
I
had
parted
with
the
indignant
back
of
Captain
Giles
were
the
crew
of
the
harbour
steam-launch
lounging
on
the
spacious
landing
about
the
curtained
archway
of
the
shipping
office
.
It
was
there
that
my
buoyancy
abandoned
me
.
The
atmosphere
of
officialdom
would
kill
anything
that
breathes
the
air
of
human
endeavour
,
would
extinguish
hope
and
fear
alike
in
the
supremacy
of
paper
and
ink
.
I
passed
heavily
under
the
curtain
which
the
Malay
coxswain
of
the
harbour
launch
raised
for
me
.
There
was
nobody
in
the
office
except
the
clerks
,
writing
in
two
industrious
rows
.
But
the
head
Shipping-Master
hopped
down
from
his
elevation
and
hurried
along
on
the
thick
mats
to
meet
me
in
the
broad
central
passage
.
He
had
a
Scottish
name
,
but
his
complexion
was
of
a
rich
olive
hue
,
his
short
beard
was
jet
black
,
and
his
eyes
,
also
black
,
had
a
languishing
expression
.
He
asked
confidentially
:
“
You
want
to
see
Him
?
”
All
lightness
of
spirit
and
body
having
departed
from
me
at
the
touch
of
officialdom
,
I
looked
at
the
scribe
without
animation
and
asked
in
my
turn
wearily
:
“
What
do
you
think
?
Is
it
any
use
?
”
“
My
goodness
!
He
has
asked
for
you
twice
today
.
”
This
emphatic
He
was
the
supreme
authority
,
the
Marine
Superintendent
,
the
Harbour-Master
—
a
very
great
person
in
the
eyes
of
every
single
quill-driver
in
the
room
.
But
that
was
nothing
to
the
opinion
he
had
of
his
own
greatness
.
Captain
Ellis
looked
upon
himself
as
a
sort
of
divine
(
pagan
)
emanation
,
the
deputy-Neptune
for
the
circumambient
seas
.
If
he
did
not
actually
rule
the
waves
,
he
pretended
to
rule
the
fate
of
the
mortals
whose
lives
were
cast
upon
the
waters
.
This
uplifting
illusion
made
him
inquisitorial
and
peremptory
.
And
as
his
temperament
was
choleric
there
were
fellows
who
were
actually
afraid
of
him
.
He
was
redoubtable
,
not
in
virtue
of
his
office
,
but
because
of
his
unwarrantable
assumptions
.
I
had
never
had
anything
to
do
with
him
before
.
I
said
:
“
Oh
!
He
has
asked
for
me
twice
.
Then
perhaps
I
had
better
go
in
.
”
“
You
must
!
You
must
!
”
The
Shipping-Master
led
the
way
with
a
mincing
gait
around
the
whole
system
of
desks
to
a
tall
and
important-looking
door
,
which
he
opened
with
a
deferential
action
of
the
arm
.
He
stepped
right
in
(
but
without
letting
go
of
the
handle
)
and
,
after
gazing
reverently
down
the
room
for
a
while
,
beckoned
me
in
by
a
silent
jerk
of
the
head
.
Then
he
slipped
out
at
once
and
shut
the
door
after
me
most
delicately
.
Three
lofty
windows
gave
on
the
harbour
.
There
was
nothing
in
them
but
the
dark-blue
sparkling
sea
and
the
paler
luminous
blue
of
the
sky
.
My
eye
caught
in
the
depths
and
distances
of
these
blue
tones
the
white
speck
of
some
big
ship
just
arrived
and
about
to
anchor
in
the
outer
roadstead
.
A
ship
from
home
—
after
perhaps
ninety
days
at
sea
.
There
is
something
touching
about
a
ship
coming
in
from
sea
and
folding
her
white
wings
for
a
rest
.
The
next
thing
I
saw
was
the
top-knot
of
silver
hair
surmounting
Captain
Ellis’
smooth
red
face
,
which
would
have
been
apoplectic
if
it
hadn’t
had
such
a
fresh
appearance
.
Our
deputy-Neptune
had
no
beard
on
his
chin
,
and
there
was
