wouldhave
let
you
know
.
”
“
I
beg
your
pardon
,
sir
,
”
Dermody
interposed
,
very
respectfully
and
very
firmly
at
the
same
time
.
“
There
are
many
things
which
a
master
in
a
hot
temper
is
privileged
to
say
to
the
man
who
serves
him
.
But
you
have
gone
beyond
your
privilege
.
You
have
shamed
me
,
sir
,
in
the
presence
of
my
mother
,
in
the
hearing
of
my
child
—
”
My
father
checked
him
there
.
“
You
may
spare
the
rest
of
it
,
”
he
said
.
“
We
are
master
and
servant
no
longer
.
When
my
son
came
hanging
about
your
cottage
,
and
playing
at
sweethearts
with
your
girl
there
,
your
duty
was
to
close
the
door
on
him
.
You
have
failed
in
your
duty
.
I
trust
you
no
longer
.
Take
a
month’s
notice
,
Dermody
.
You
leave
my
service
.
”
The
bailiff
steadily
met
my
father
on
his
ground
.
He
was
no
longer
the
easy
,
sweet-tempered
,
modest
man
who
was
the
man
of
my
remembrance
.
“
I
beg
to
decline
taking
your
month’s
notice
,
sir
,
”
he
answered
.
“
You
shall
have
no
opportunity
of
repeating
what
you
have
just
said
to
me
.
I
will
send
in
my
accounts
to-night
.
And
I
will
leave
your
service
to-morrow
.
”
“
We
agree
for
once
,
”
retorted
my
father
.
“
The
sooner
you
go
,
the
better
.
”
He
stepped
across
the
room
and
put
his
hand
on
my
shoulder
.
“
Listen
to
me
,
”
he
said
,
making
a
last
effort
to
control
himself
.
“
I
don’t
want
to
quarrel
with
you
before
a
discarded
servant
.
There
must
be
an
end
to
this
nonsense
.
Leave
these
people
to
pack
up
and
go
,
and
come
back
to
the
house
with
me
.
”
His
heavy
hand
,
pressing
on
my
shoulder
,
seemed
to
press
the
spirit
of
resistance
out
of
me
.
I
so
far
gave
way
as
to
try
to
melt
him
by
entreaties
.
“
Oh
,
papa
!
papa
!
”
I
cried
.
“
Don’t
part
me
from
Mary
!
See
how
pretty
and
good
she
is
!
She
has
made
me
a
flag
for
my
boat
.
Let
me
come
here
and
see
her
sometimes
.
I
can’t
live
without
her
.
”
I
could
say
no
more
.
My
poor
little
Mary
burst
out
crying
.
Her
tears
and
my
entreaties
were
alike
wasted
on
my
father
.
“
Take
your
choice
,
”
he
said
,
“
between
coming
away
of
your
own
accord
,
or
obliging
me
to
take
you
away
by
force
.
I
mean
to
part
you
and
Dermody’s
girl
.
”
“
Neither
you
nor
any
man
can
part
them
,
”
interposed
a
voice
,
speaking
behind
us
.
“
Rid
your
mind
of
that
notion
,
master
,
before
it
is
too
late
.
”
My
father
looked
round
quickly
,
and
discovered
Dame
Dermody
facing
him
in
the
full
light
of
the
window
.
She
had
stepped
back
,
at
the
outset
of
the
dispute
,
into
the
corner
behind
the
fireplace
.
There
she
had
remained
,
biding
her
time
to
speak
,
until
my
father’s
last
threat
brought
her
out
of
her
place
of
retirement
.
They
looked
at
each
other
for
a
moment
.
My
father
seemed
to
think
it
beneath
his
dignity
to
answer
her
.
He
went
on
with
what
he
had
to
say
to
me
.
“
I
shall
count
three
slowly
,
”
he
resumed
.
“
Before
I
get
to
the
last
number
,
make
up
your
mind
to
do
what
I
tell
you
,
or
submit
to
the
disgrace
of
being
taken
away
by
force
.
”
“
Take
him
where
you
may
,
”
said
Dame
Dermody
,
“
he
will
still
be
on
his
way
to
his
marriage
with
my
grandchild
.
”
“
And
where
shall
I
be
,
if
you
please
?
”
asked
my
father
,
stung
into
speaking
to
her
this
time
.
The
answer
followed
instantly
in
these
startling
words
:
“
You
will
be
on
your
way
to
your
ruin
and
your
death
.
”
My
father
turned
his
back
on
the
prophetess
with
a
smile
of
contempt
.
“
One
!
”
he
said
,
beginning
to
count
.
I
set
my
teeth
,
and
clasped
both
arms
round
Mary
as
he
spoke
.
I
had
inherited
some
of
his
temper
,
and
he
was
now
to
know
it
.
“
Two
!
”
proceeded
my
father
,
after
waiting
a
little
.
Mary
put
her
trembling
lips
to
my
ear
,
and
whispered
:
“
Let
me
go
,
George
!
I
can’t
bear
to
see
it
.
Oh
,
look
how
he
frowns
!
I
know
he’ll
hurt
you
.
”
My
father
lifted
his
forefinger
as
a
preliminary
warning
before
he
counted
Three
.
“
Stop
!
”
cried
Dame
Dermody
.
My
father
looked
round
at
her
again
with
sardonic
astonishment
.
“
I
beg
your
pardon
,
ma’am
—
have
you
anything
particular
to
say
to
me
?
”
he
asked
.
“
Man
!
”
returned
the
Sibyl
,
“
you
speak
lightly
.
Have
I
spoken
lightly
to
You
?
I
warn
you
to
bow
your
wicked
will
before
a
Will
that
is
mightier
than
yours
.
The
spirits
of
these
children
are
kindred
spirits
.
For
time
and
for
eternity
they
are
united
one
to
the
other
.
Put
land
and
sea
between
them
—
they
will
still
be
together
;
they
will
communicate
in
visions
,
they
will
be
revealed
to
each
other
in
dreams
.
Bind
them
by
worldly
ties
;
wed
your
son
,
in
the
time
to
come
,
to
another
woman
,
and
my
grand-daughter
to
another
man
.
In
vain
!
I
tell
you
,
in
vain
!
You
may
doom
them
to
misery
,
you
may
drive
them
to
sin
—
the
day
of
their
union
on
earth
is
still
a
day
predestined
in
heaven
.
It
will
come
!
it
will
come
!
Submit
,
while
the
time
for
submission
is
yours
.
You
are
a
doomed
man
.
I
see
the
shadow
of
disaster
,
I
see
the
seal
of
death
,
on
your
face
.
Go
;
and
leave
these
consecrated
ones
to
walk
the
dark
ways
of
the
world
together
,
in
the
strength
of
their
innocence
,
in
the
light
of
their
love
.
Go
—
and
God
forgive
you
!
”
In
spite
of
himself
,
my
father
was
struck
by
the
irresistible
strength
of
conviction
which
inspired
those
words
.
The
bailiff’s
mother
had
impressed
him
as
a
tragic
actress
might
have
impressed
him
on
the
stage
.
She
had
checked
the
mocking
answer
on
his
lips
,
but
she
had
not
shaken
his
iron
will
.
His
face
was
as
hard
as
ever
when
he
turned
my
way
once
more
.
“
The
last
chance
,
George
,
”
he
said
,
and
counted
the
last
number
:
“
Three
!
”
I
neither
moved
nor
answered
him
.
“
You
will
have
it
?
”
he
said
,
as
he
fastened
his
hold
on
my
arm
.
I
fastened
my
hold
on
Mary
;
I
whispered
to
her
,
“
I
won’t
leave
you
!
”
She
seemed
not
to
hear
me
.
She
trembled
from
head
to
foot
in
my
arms
.
A
faint
cry
of
terror
fluttered
from
her
lips
.
Dermody
instantly
stepped
forward
.
Before
my
father
could
wrench
me
away
from
her
,
he
had
said
in
my
ear
,
“
You
can
give
her
to
me
,
Master
George
,
”
and
had
released
his
child
from
my
embrace
.
She
stretched
her
little
frail
hands
out
yearningly
to
me
,
as
she
lay
in
Dermody’s
arms
.
“
Good-by
,
dear
,
”
she
said
,
faintly
.
I
saw
her
head
sink
on
her
father’s
bosom
as
I
was
dragged
to
the
door
.
In
my
helpless
rage
and
misery
,
I
struggled
against
the
cruel
hands
that
had
got
me
with
all
the
strength
I
had
left
.
I
cried
out
to
her
,
“
I
love
you
,
Mary
!
I
will
come
back
to
you
,
Mary
!
I
will
never
marry
any
one
but
you
!
”
Step
by
step
,
I
was
forced
further
and
further
away
.
The
last
I
saw
of
her
,
my
darling’s
head
was
still
resting
on
Dermody’s
breast
.
Her
grandmother
stood
near
,
and
shook
her
withered
hands
at
my
father
,
and
shrieked
her
terrible
prophecy
,
in
the
hysteric
frenzy
that
possessed
her
when
she
saw
the
separation
accomplished
.
“
Go
!
—
you
go
to
your
ruin
!
you
go
to
your
death
!
”
While
her
voice
still
rang
in
my
ears
,
the
cottage
door
was
opened
and
closed
again
.
It
was
all
over
.
The
modest
world
of
my
boyish
love
and
my
boyish
joy
disappeared
like
the
vision
of
a
dream
.
The
empty
outer
wilderness
,
which
was
my
father’s
world
,
opened
before
me
void
of
love
and
void
of
joy
.
God
forgive
me
—
how
I
hated
him
at
that
moment
!
FOR
the
rest
of
the
day
,
and
through
the
night
,
I
was
kept
a
close
prisoner
in
my
room
,
watched
by
a
man
on
whose
fidelity
my
father
could
depend
.
The
next
morning
I
made
an
effort
to
escape
,
and
was
discovered
before
I
had
got
free
of
the
house
.
Confined
again
to
my
room
,
I
contrived
to
write
to
Mary
,
and
to
slip
my
note
into
the
willing
hand
of
the
housemaid
who
attended
on
me
.
Useless
!
The
vigilance
of
my
guardian
was
not
to
be
evaded
.
The
woman
was
suspected
and
followed
,
and
the
letter
was
taken
from
her
.
My
father
tore
it
up
with
his
own
hands
.
Later
in
the
day
,
my
mother
was
permitted
to
see
me
.
She
was
quite
unfit
,
poor
soul
,
to
intercede
for
me
,
or
to
serve
my
interests
in
any
way
.
My
father
had
completely
overwhelmed
her
by
announcing
that
his
wife
and
his
son
were
to
accompany
him
,
when
he
returned
to
America
.
“
Every
farthing
he
has
in
the
world
,
”
said
my
mother
,
“
is
to
be
thrown
into
that
hateful
speculation
.
He
has
raised
money
in
London
;
he
has
let
the
house
to
some
rich
tradesman
for
seven
years
;
he
has
sold
the
plate
,
and
the
jewels
that
came
to
me
from
his
mother
.
The
land
in
America
swallows
it
all
up
.
We
have
no
home
,
George
,
and
no
choice
but
to
go
with
him
.
”
An
hour
afterward
the
post-chaise
was
at
the
door
.
My
father
himself
took
me
to
the
carriage
.
I
broke
away
from
him
,
with
a
desperation
which
not
even
his
resolution
could
resist
.
I
ran
,
I
flew
,
along
the
path
that
led
to
Dermody’s
cottage
.
The
door
stood
open
;
the
parlor
was
empty
.
I
went
into
the
kitchen
;
I
went
into
the
upper
rooms
.
Solitude
everywhere
.
The
bailiff
had
left
the
place
;
and
his
mother
and
his
daughter
had
gone
with
him
.
No
friend
or
neighbor
lingered
near
with
a
message
;
no
letter
lay
waiting
for
me
;
no
hint
was
left
to
tell
me
in
what
direction
they
had
taken
their
departure
.
After
the
insulting
words
which
his
master
had
spoken
to
him
,
Dermody’s
pride
was
concerned
in
leaving
no
trace
of
his
whereabouts
;
my
father
might
consider
it
as
a
trace
purposely
left
with
the
object
of
reuniting
Mary
and
me
.
I
had
no
keepsake
to
speak
to
me
of
my
lost
darling
but
the
flag
which
she
had
embroidered
with
her
own
hand
.
The
furniture
still
remained
in
the
cottage
.
I
sat
down
in
our
customary
corner
,
by
Mary’s
empty
chair
,
and
looked
again
at
the
pretty
green
flag
,
and
burst
out
crying
.
A
light
touch
roused
me
.
My
father
had
so
far
yielded
as
to
leave
to
my
mother
the
responsibility
of
bringing
me
back
to
the
traveling
carriage
.
“
We
shall
not
find
Mary
here
,
George
,
”
she
said
,
gently
.
“
And
we
may
hear
of
her
in
London
.
Come
with
me
.
”
I
rose
and
silently
gave
her
my
hand
.
Something
low
down
on
the
clean
white
door-post
caught
my
eye
as
we
passed
it
.
I
stooped
,
and
discovered
some
writing
in
pencil
.
I
looked
closer
—
it
was
writing
in
Mary’s
hand
!
The
unformed
childish
characters
traced
these
last
words
of
farewell
:
“
Good-by
,
dear
.
Don’t
forget
Mary
.
”
I
knelt
down
and
kissed
the
writing
.
It
comforted
me
—
it
was
like
a
farewell
touch
from
Mary’s
hand
.
I
followed
my
mother
quietly
to
the
carriage
.
Late
that
night
we
were
in
London
.
My
good
mother
did
all
that
the
most
compassionate
kindness
could
do
(
in
her
position
)
to
comfort
me
.
She
privately
wrote
to
the
solicitors
employed
by
her
family
,
inclosing
a
description
of
Dermody
and
his
mother
and
daughter
and
directing
inquiries
to
be
made
at
the
various
coach-offices
in
London
.
She
also
referred
the
lawyers
to
two
of
Dermody’s
relatives
,
who
lived
in
the
city
,
and
who
might
know
something
of
his
movements
after
he
left
my
father’s
service
.
When
she
had
done
this
,
she
had
done
all
that
lay
in
her
power
.
We
neither
of
us
possessed
money
enough
to
advertise
in
the
newspapers
.
A
week
afterward
we
sailed
for
the
United
States
.
Twice
in
that
interval
I
communicated
with
the
lawyers
;
and
twice
I
was
informed
that
the
inquiries
had
led
to
nothing
.
With
this
the
first
epoch
in
my
love
story
comes
to
an
end
.
For
ten
long
years
afterward
I
never
again
met
with
my
little
Mary
;
I
never
even
heard
whether
she
had
lived
to
grow
to
womanhood
or
not
.
I
still
kept
the
green
flag
,
with
the
dove
worked
on
it
.
For
the
rest
,
the
waters
of
oblivion
had
closed
over
the
old
golden
days
at
Greenwater
Broad
.
The
end
of
the
prelude
The
Story
.
[
From
the
manuscript
of
George
Germaine
.
]
CHAPTER
I
.
Ten
years
of
my
life
WHEN
YOU
last
saw
me
,
I
was
a
boy
of
thirteen
.
You
now
see
me
a
man
of
twenty-three
.
The
story
of
my
life
,
in
the
interval
between
these
two
ages
,
is
a
story
that
can
be
soon
told
.
Speaking
of
my
father
first
,
I
have
to
record
that
the
end
of
his
career
did
indeed
come
as
Dame
Dermody
had
foretold
it
.
Before
we
had
been
a
year
in
America
,
the
total
collapse
of
his
land
speculation
was
followed
by
his
death
.
The
catastrophe
was
complete
.
But
for
my
mother’s
little
income
(
settled
on
her
at
her
marriage
)
we
should
both
have
been
left
helpless
at
the
mercy
of
the
world
.
We
made
some
kind
friends
among
the
hearty
and
hospitable
people
of
the
United
States
,
whom
we
were
unaffectedly
sorry
to
leave
.
But
there
were
reasons
which
inclined
us
to
return
to
our
own
country
after
my
father’s
death
;
and
we
did
return
accordingly
.
Besides
her
brother-in-law
(
already
mentioned
in
the
earlier
pages
of
my
narrative
)
,
my
mother
had
another
relative
—
a
cousin
named
Germaine
—
on
whose
assistance
she
mainly
relied
for
starting
me
,
when
the
time
came
,
in
a
professional
career
.
I
remember
it
as
a
family
rumor
,
that
Mr.
Germaine
had
been
an
unsuccessful
suitor
for
my
mother’s
hand
in
the
days
when
they
were
young
people
together
.
He
was
still
a
bachelor
at
the
later
period
when
his
eldest
brother’s
death
without
issue
placed
him
in
possession
of
a
handsome
fortune
.
The
accession
of
wealth
made
no
difference
in
his
habits
of
life
:
he
was
a
lonely
old
man
,
estranged
from
his
other
relatives
,
when
my
mother
and
I
returned
to
England
.
If
I
could
only
succeed
in
pleasing
Mr.
Germaine
,
I
might
consider
my
prospects
(
in
some
degree
,
at
least
)
as
being
prospects
assured
.
This
was
one
consideration
that
influenced
us
in
leaving
America
.
There
was
another
—
in
which
I
was
especially
interested
—
that
drew
me
back
to
the
lonely
shores
of
Greenwater
Broad
.
My
only
hope
of
recovering
a
trace
of
Mary
was
to
make
inquiries
among
the
cottagers
in
the
neighborhood
of
my
old
home
.
The
good
bailiff
had
been
heartily
liked
and
respected
in
his
little
sphere
.
It
seemed
at
least
possible
that
some
among
his
many
friends
in
Suffolk
might
have
discovered
traces
of
him
,
in
the
year
that
had
passed
since
I
had
left
England
.
In
my
dreams
of
Mary
—
and
I
dreamed
of
her
constantly
—
the
lake
and
its
woody
banks
formed
a
frequent
background
in
the
visionary
picture
of
my
lost
companion
.
To
the
lake
shores
I
looked
,
with
a
natural
superstition
,
as
to
my
way
back
to
the
one
life
that
had
its
promise
of
happiness
for
me
—
my
life
with
Mary
.
On
our
arrival
in
London
,
I
started
for
Suffolk
alone
—
at
my
mother’s
request
.
At
her
age
she
naturally
shrank
from
revisiting
the
home
scenes
now
occupied
by
the
strangers
to
whom
our
house
had
been
let
.
Ah
,
how
my
heart
ached
(
young
as
I
was
)
when
I
saw
the
familiar
green
waters
of
the
lake
once
more
!
It
was
evening
.
The
first
object
that
caught
my
eye
was
the
gayly
painted
boat
,
once
mine
,
in
which
Mary
and
I
had
so
often
sailed
together
.
The
people
in
possession
of
our
house
were
sailing
now
.
The
sound
of
their
laughter
floated
toward
me
merrily
over
the
still
water
.
Their
flag
flew
at
the
little
mast-head
,
from
which
Mary’s
flag
had
never
fluttered
in
the
pleasant
breeze
.
I
turned
my
eyes
from
the
boat
;
it
hurt
me
to
look
at
it
.
A
few
steps
onward
brought
me
to
a
promontory
on
the
shore
,
and
revealed
the
brown
archways
of
the
decoy
on
the
opposite
bank
.
There
was
the
paling
behind
which
we
had
knelt
to
watch
the
snaring
of
the
ducks
;
there
was
the
hole
through
which
“
Trim
,
”
the
terrier
,
had
shown
himself
to
rouse
the
stupid
curiosity
of
the
water-fowl
;
there
,
seen
at
intervals
through
the
trees
,
was
the
winding
woodland
path
along
which
Mary
and
I
had
traced
our
way
to
Dermody’s
cottage
on
the
day
when
my
father’s
cruel
hand
had
torn
us
from
each
other
.
How
wisely
my
good
mother
had
shrunk
from
looking
again
at
the
dear
old
scenes
!
I
turned
my
back
on
the
lake
,
to
think
with
calmer
thoughts
in
the
shadowy
solitude
of
the
woods
.
An
hour’s
walk
along
the
winding
banks
brought
me
round
to
the
cottage
which
had
once
been
Mary’s
home
.
The
door
was
opened
by
a
woman
who
was
a
stranger
to
me
.
She
civilly
asked
me
to
enter
the
parlor
.
I
had
suffered
enough
already
;
I
made
my
inquiries
,
standing
on
the
doorstep
.
They
were
soon
at
an
end
.
The
woman
was
a
stranger
in
our
part
of
Suffolk
;
neither
she
nor
her
husband
had
ever
heard
of
Dermody’s
name
.
I
pursued
my
investigations
among
the
peasantry
,
passing
from
cottage
to
cottage
.
The
twilight
came
;
the
moon
rose
;
the
lights
began
to
vanish
from
the
lattice-windows
;
and
still
I
continued
my
weary
pilgrimage
;
and
still
,
go
where
I
might
,
the
answer
to
my
questions
was
the
same
.
Nobody
knew
anything
of
Dermody
.
Everybody
asked
if
I
had
not
brought
news
of
him
myself
.
It
pains
me
even
now
to
recall
the
cruelly
complete
defeat
of
every
effort
which
I
made
on
that
disastrous
evening
.
I
passed
the
night
in
one
of
the
cottages
;
and
I
returned
to
London
the
next
day
,
broken
by
disappointment
,
careless
what
I
did
,
or
where
I
went
next
.
Still
,
we
were
not
wholly
parted
.
I
saw
Mary
—
as
Dame
Dermody
said
I
should
see
her
—
in
dreams
.
Sometimes
she
came
to
me
with
the
green
flag
in
her
hand
,
and
repeated
her
farewell
words
—
“
Don’t
forget
Mary
!
”
Sometimes
she
led
me
to
our
well-remembered
corner
in
the
cottage
parlor
,
and
opened
the
paper
on
which
her
grandmother
had
written
our
prayers
for
us
.
We
prayed
together
again
,
and
sung
hymns
together
again
,
as
if
the
old
times
had
come
back
.
Once
she
appeared
to
me
,
with
tears
in
her
eyes
,
and
said
,
“
We
must
wait
,
dear
:
our
time
has
not
come
yet
.
”
Twice
I
saw
her
looking
at
me
,
like
one
disturbed
by
anxious
thoughts
;
and
twice
I
heard
her
say
,
“
Live
patiently
,
live
innocently
,
George
,
for
my
sake
.
”
We
settled
in
London
,
where
my
education
was
undertaken
by
a
private
tutor
.
Before
we
had
been
long
in
our
new
abode
,
an
unexpected
change
in
our
prospects
took
place
.
To
my
mother’s
astonishment
she
received
an
offer
of
marriage
(
addressed
to
her
in
a
letter
)
from
Mr.
Germaine
.
“
I
entreat
you
not
to
be
startled
by
my
proposal
!
”
(
the
old
gentleman
wrote
)
.
“
You
can
hardly
have
forgotten
that
I
was
once
fond
of
you
,
in
the
days
when
we
were
both
young
and
both
poor
.
No
return
to
the
feelings
associated
with
that
time
is
possible
now
.
At
my
age
,
all
I
ask
of
you
is
to
be
the
companion
of
the
closing
years
of
my
life
,
and
to
give
me
something
of
a
father’s
interest
in
promoting
the
future
welfare
of
your
son
.
Consider
this
,
my
dear
,
and
tell
me
whether
you
will
take
the
empty
chair
at
an
old
man’s
lonely
fireside
.
”
My
mother
(
looking
almost
as
confused
,
poor
soul
!
as
if
she
had
become
a
young
girl
again
)
left
the
whole
responsibility
of
decision
on
the
shoulders
of
her
son
!
I
was
not
long
in
making
up
my
mind
.
If
she
said
Yes
,
she
would
accept
the
hand
of
a
man
of
worth
and
honor
,
who
had
been
throughout
his
whole
life
devoted
to
her
;
and
she
would
recover
the
comfort
,
the
luxury
,
the
social
prosperity
and
position
of
which
my
father’s
reckless
course
of
life
had
deprived
her
.
Add
to
this
,
that
I
liked
Mr.
Germaine
,
and
that
Mr.
Germaine
liked
me
.
Under
these
circumstances
,
why
should
my
mother
say
No
?
She
could
produce
no
satisfactory
answer
to
that
question
when
I
put
it
.
As
the
necessary
consequence
,
she
became
,
in
due
course
of
time
,
Mrs.
Germaine
.
I
have
only
to
add
that
,
to
the
end
of
her
life
,
my
good
mother
congratulated
herself
(
in
this
case
at
least
)
on
having
taken
her
son’s
advice
.
The
years
went
on
,
and
still
Mary
and
I
were
parted
,
except
in
my
dreams
.
The
years
went
on
,
until
the
perilous
time
which
comes
in
every
man’s
life
came
in
mine
.
I
reached
the
age
when
the
strongest
of
all
the
passions
seizes
on
the
senses
,
and
asserts
its
mastery
over
mind
and
body
alike
.
I
had
hitherto
passively
endured
the
wreck
of
my
earliest
and
dearest
hopes
:
I
had
lived
patiently
,
and
lived
innocently
,
for
Mary’s
sake
.
Now
my
patience
left
me
;
my
innocence
was
numbered
among
the
lost
things
of
the
past
.
My
days
,
it
is
true
,
were
still
devoted
to
the
tasks
set
me
by
my
tutor
;
but
my
nights
were
given
,
in
secret
,
to
a
reckless
profligacy
,
which
(
in
my
present
frame
of
mind
)
I
look
back
on
with
disgust
and
dismay
.
I
profaned
my
remembrances
of
Mary
in
the
company
of
women
who
had
reached
the
lowest
depths
of
degradation
.
I
impiously
said
to
myself
:
“
I
have
hoped
for
her
long
enough
;
I
have
waited
for
her
long
enough
.
The
one
thing
now
to
do
is
to
enjoy
my
youth
and
to
forget
her
.
”
From
the
moment
when
I
dropped
into
this
degradation
,
I
might
sometimes
think
regretfully
of
Mary
—
at
the
morning
time
,
when
penitent
thoughts
mostly
come
to
us
;
but
I
ceased
absolutely
to
see
her
in
my
dreams
.
We
were
now
,
in
the
completest
sense
of
the
word
,
parted
.
Mary’s
pure
spirit
could
hold
no
communion
with
mine
;
Mary’s
pure
spirit
had
left
me
.
It
is
needless
to
say
that
I
failed
to
keep
the
secret
of
my
depravity
from
the
knowledge
of
my
mother
.
The
sight
of
her
grief
was
the
first
influence
that
sobered
me
.
In
some
degree
at
least
I
restrained
myself
:
I
made
the
effort
to
return
to
purer
ways
of
life
.
Mr.
Germaine
,
though
I
had
disappointed
him
,
was
too
just
a
man
to
give
me
up
as
lost
.
He
advised
me
,
as
a
means
of
self-reform
,
to
make
my
choice
of
a
profession
,
and
to
absorb
myself
in
closer
studies
than
any
that
I
had
yet
pursued
.
I
made
my
peace
with
this
good
friend
and
second
father
,
not
only
by
following
his
advice
,
but
by
adopting
the
profession
to
which
he
had
been
himself
attached
before
he
inherited
his
fortune
—
the
profession
of
medicine
.
Mr.
Germaine
had
been
a
surgeon
:
I
resolved
on
being
a
surgeon
too
.
Having
entered
,
at
rather
an
earlier
age
than
usual
,
on
my
new
way
of
life
,
I
may
at
least
say
for
myself
that
I
worked
hard
.
I
won
,
and
kept
,
the
interest
of
the
professors
under
whom
I
studied
.
On
the
other
hand
,
it
cannot
be
denied
that
my
reformation
was
,
morally
speaking
,
far
from
being
complete
.
I
worked
;
but
what
I
did
was
done
selfishly
,
bitterly
,
with
a
hard
heart
.
In
religion
and
morals
I
adopted
the
views
of
a
materialist
companion
of
my
studies
—
a
worn-out
man
of
more
than
double
my
age
.
I
believed
in
nothing
but
what
I
could
see
,
or
taste
,
or
feel
.
I
lost
all
faith
in
humanity
.
With
the
one
exception
of
my
mother
,
I
had
no
respect
for
women
.
My
remembrances
of
Mary
deteriorated
until
they
became
little
more
than
a
lost
link
of
association
with
the
past
.
I
still
preserved
the
green
flag
as
a
matter
of
habit
;
but
it
was
no
longer
kept
about
me
;
it
was
left
undisturbed
in
a
drawer
of
my
writing-desk
.
Now
and
then
a
wholesome
doubt
,
whether
my
life
was
not
utterly
unworthy
of
me
,
would
rise
in
my
mind
.
But
it
held
no
long
possession
of
my
thoughts
.
Despising
others
,
it
was
in
the
logical
order
of
things
that
I
should
follow
my
conclusions
to
their
bitter
end
,
and
consistently
despise
myself
.
The
term
of
my
majority
arrived
.
I
was
twenty-one
years
old
;
and
of
the
illusions
of
my
youth
not
a
vestige
remained
.
Neither
my
mother
nor
Mr.
Germaine
could
make
any
positive
complaint
of
my
conduct
.
But
they
were
both
thoroughly
uneasy
about
me
.
After
anxious
consideration
,
my
step-father
arrived
at
a
conclusion
.
He
decided
that
the
one
chance
of
restoring
me
to
my
better
and
brighter
self
was
to
try
the
stimulant
of
a
life
among
new
people
and
new
scenes
.
At
the
period
of
which
I
am
now
writing
,
the
home
government
had
decided
on
sending
a
special
diplomatic
mission
to
one
of
the
native
princes
ruling
over
a
remote
province
of
our
Indian
empire
.
In
the
disturbed
state
of
the
province
at
that
time
,
the
mission
,
on
its
arrival
in
India
,
was
to
be
accompanied
to
the
prince’s
court
by
an
escort
,
including
the
military
as
well
as
the
civil
servants
of
the
crown
.
The
surgeon
appointed
to
sail
with
the
expedition
from
England
was
an
old
friend
of
Mr.
Germaine’s
,
and
was
in
want
of
an
assistant
on
whose
capacity
he
could
rely
.
Through
my
stepfather’s
interest
,
the
post
was
offered
to
me
.
I
accepted
it
without
hesitation
.
My
only
pride
left
was
the
miserable
pride
of
indifference
.
So
long
as
I
pursued
my
profession
,
the
place
in
which
I
pursued
it
was
a
matter
of
no
importance
to
my
mind
.
It
was
long
before
we
could
persuade
my
mother
even
to
contemplate
the
new
prospect
now
set
before
me
.
When
she
did
at
length
give
way
,
she
yielded
most
unwillingly
.
I
confess
I
left
her
with
the
tears
in
my
eyes
—
the
first
I
had
shed
for
many
a
long
year
past
.
The
history
of
our
expedition
is
part
of
the
history
of
British
India
.
It
has
no
place
in
this
narrative
.
Speaking
personally
,
I
have
to
record
that
I
was
rendered
incapable
of
performing
my
professional
duties
in
less
than
a
week
from
the
time
when
the
mission
reached
its
destination
.
We
were
encamped
outside
the
city
;
and
an
attack
was
made
on
us
,
under
cover
of
darkness
,
by
the
fanatical
natives
.
The
attempt
was
defeated
with
little
difficulty
,
and
with
only
a
trifling
loss
on
our
side
.
I
was
among
the
wounded
,
having
been
struck
by
a
javelin
,
or
spear
,
while
I
was
passing
from
one
tent
to
another
.
Inflicted
by
a
European
weapon
,
my
injury
would
have
been
of
no
serious
consequence
.
But
the
tip
of
the
Indian
spear
had
been
poisoned
.
I
escaped
the
mortal
danger
of
lockjaw
;
but
,
through
some
peculiarity
in
the
action
of
the
poison
on
my
constitution
(
which
I
am
quite
unable
to
explain
)
,
the
wound
obstinately
refused
to
heal
.
I
was
invalided
and
sent
to
Calcutta
,
where
the
best
surgical
help
was
at
my
disposal
.
To
all
appearance
,
the
wound
healed
there
—
then
broke
out
again
.
Twice
this
happened
;
and
the
medical
men
agreed
that
the
best
course
to
take
would
be
to
send
me
home
.
They
calculated
on
the
invigorating
effect
of
the
sea
voyage
,
and
,
failing
this
,
on
the
salutary
influence
of
my
native
air
.
In
the
Indian
climate
I
was
pronounced
incurable
.
Two
days
before
the
ship
sailed
a
letter
from
my
mother
brought
me
startling
news
.
My
life
to
come
—
if
I
had
a
life
to
come
—
had
been
turned
into
a
new
channel
.
Mr.
Germaine
had
died
suddenly
,
of
heart-disease
.
His
will
,
bearing
date
at
the
time
when
I
left
England
,
bequeathed
an
income
for
life
to
my
mother
,
and
left
the
bulk
of
his
property
to
me
,
on
the
one
condition
that
I
adopted
his
name
.
I
accepted
the
condition
,
of
course
,
and
became
George
Germaine
.
Three
months
later
,
my
mother
and
I
were
restored
to
each
other
.
Except
that
I
still
had
some
trouble
with
my
wound
,
behold
me
now
to
all
appearance
one
of
the
most
enviable
of
existing
mortals
;
promoted
to
the
position
of
a
wealthy
gentleman
;
possessor
of
a
house
in
London
and
of
a
country-seat
in
Perthshire
;
and
,
nevertheless
,
at
twenty-three
years
of
age
,
one
of
the
most
miserable
men
living
!
And
Mary
?
In
the
ten
years
that
had
now
passed
over
,
what
had
become
of
Mary
?
You
have
heard
my
story
.
Read
the
few
pages
that
follow
,
and
you
will
hear
hers
.
CHAPTER
II
.
HER
STORY
.
WHAT
I
have
now
to
tell
you
of
Mary
is
derived
from
information
obtained
at
a
date
in
my
life
later
by
many
years
than
any
date
of
which
I
have
written
yet
.
Be
pleased
to
remember
this
.
Dermody
,
the
bailiff
,
possessed
relatives
in
London
,
of
whom
he
occasionally
spoke
,
and
relatives
in
Scotland
,
whom
he
never
mentioned
.
My
father
had
a
strong
prejudice
against
the
Scotch
nation
.
Dermody
knew
his
master
well
enough
to
be
aware
that
the
prejudice
might
extend
to
him
,
if
he
spoke
of
his
Scotch
kindred
.
He
was
a
discreet
man
,
and
he
never
mentioned
them
.
On
leaving
my
father’s
service
,
he
had
made
his
way
,
partly
by
land
and
partly
by
sea
,
to
Glasgow
—
in
which
city
his
friends
resided
.
With
his
character
and
his
experience
,
Dermody
was
a
man
in
a
thousand
to
any
master
who
was
lucky
enough
to
discover
him
.
His
friends
bestirred
themselves
.
In
six
weeks’
time
he
was
placed
in
charge
of
a
gentleman’s
estate
on
the
eastern
coast
of
Scotland
,
and
was
comfortably
established
with
his
mother
and
his
daughter
in
a
new
home
.
The
insulting
language
which
my
father
had
addressed
to
him
had
sunk
deep
in
Dermody’s
mind
.
He
wrote
privately
to
his
relatives
in
London
,
telling
them
that
he
had
found
a
new
situation
which
suited
him
,
and
that
he
had
his
reasons
for
not
at
present
mentioning
his
address
.
In
this
way
he
baffled
the
inquiries
which
my
mother’s
lawyers
(
failing
to
discover
a
trace
of
him
in
other
directions
)
addressed
to
his
London
friends
.
Stung
by
his
old
master’s
reproaches
,
he
sacrificed
his
daughter
and
he
sacrificed
me
—
partly
to
his
own
sense
of
self-respect
,
partly
to
his
conviction
that
the
difference
between
us
in
rank
made
it
his
duty
to
check
all
further
intercourse
before
it
was
too
late
.
Buried
in
their
retirement
in
a
remote
part
of
Scotland
,
the
little
household
lived
,
lost
to
me
,
and
lost
to
the
world
.
In
dreams
,
I
had
seen
and
heard
Mary
.
In
dreams
,
Mary
saw
and
heard
me
.
The
innocent
longings
and
wishes
which
filled
my
heart
while
I
was
still
a
boy
were
revealed
to
her
in
the
mystery
of
sleep
.
Her
grandmother
,
holding
firmly
to
her
faith
in
the
predestined
union
between
us
,
sustained
the
girl’s
courage
and
cheered
her
heart
.
She
could
hear
her
father
say
(
as
my
father
had
said
)
that
we
were
parted
to
meet
no
more
,
and
could
privately
think
of
her
happy
dreams
as
the
sufficient
promise
of
another
future
than
the
future
which
Dermody
contemplated
.
So
she
still
lived
with
me
in
the
spirit
—
and
lived
in
hope
.
The
first
affliction
that
befell
the
little
household
was
the
death
of
the
grandmother
,
by
the
exhaustion
of
extreme
old
age
.
In
her
last
conscious
moments
,
she
said
to
Mary
,
“
Never
forget
that
you
and
George
are
spirits
consecrated
to
each
other
.
Wait
—
in
the
certain
knowledge
that
no
human
power
can
hinder
your
union
in
the
time
to
come
.
”
While
those
words
were
still
vividly
present
to
Mary’s
mind
,
our
visionary
union
by
dreams
was
abruptly
broken
on
her
side
,
as
it
had
been
abruptly
broken
on
mine
.
In
the
first
days
of
my
self-degradation
,
I
had
ceased
to
see
Mary
.
Exactly
at
the
same
period
Mary
ceased
to
see
me
.
The
girl’s
sensitive
nature
sunk
under
the
shock
.
She
had
now
no
elder
woman
to
comfort
and
advise
her
;
she
lived
alone
with
her
father
,
who
invariably
changed
the
subject
whenever
she
spoke
of
the
old
times
.
The
secret
sorrow
that
preys
on
body
and
mind
alike
preyed
on
her
.
A
cold
,
caught
at
the
inclement
season
,
turned
to
fever
.
For
weeks
she
was
in
danger
of
death
.
When
she
recovered
,
her
head
had
been
stripped
of
its
beautiful
hair
by
the
doctor’s
order
.
The
sacrifice
had
been
necessary
to
save
her
life
.
It
proved
to
be
,
in
one
respect
,
a
cruel
sacrifice
—
her
hair
never
grew
plentifully
again
.
When
it
did
reappear
,
it
had
completely
lost
its
charming
mingled
hues
of
deep
red
and
brown
;
it
was
now
of
one
monotonous
light-brown
color
throughout
.
At
first
sight
,
Mary’s
Scotch
friends
hardly
knew
her
again
.
But
Nature
made
amends
for
what
the
head
had
lost
by
what
the
face
and
the
figure
gained
.
In
a
year
from
the
date
of
her
illness
,
the
frail
little
child
of
the
old
days
at
Greenwater
Broad
had
ripened
,
in
the
bracing
Scotch
air
and
the
healthy
mode
of
life
,
into
a
comely
young
woman
.
Her
features
were
still
,
as
in
her
early
years
,
not
regularly
beautiful
;
but
the
change
in
her
was
not
the
less
marked
on
that
account
.
The
wan
face
had
filled
out
,
and
the
pale
complexion
had
found
its
color
.
As
to
her
figure
,
its
remarkable
development
was
perceived
even
by
the
rough
people
about
her
.
Promising
nothing
when
she
was
a
child
,
it
had
now
sprung
into
womanly
fullness
,
symmetry
,
and
grace
.
It
was
a
strikingly
beautiful
figure
,
in
the
strictest
sense
of
the
word
.
Morally
as
well
as
physically
,
there
were
moments
,
at
this
period
of
their
lives
,
when
even
her
own
father
hardly
recognized
his
daughter
of
former
days
.
She
had
lost
her
childish
vivacity
—
her
sweet
,
equable
flow
of
good
humor
.
Silent
and
self-absorbed
,
she
went
through
the
daily
routine
of
her
duties
enduringly
.
The
hope
of
meeting
me
again
had
sunk
to
a
dead
hope
in
her
by
this
time
.
She
made
no
complaint
.
The
bodily
strength
that
she
had
gained
in
these
later
days
had
its
sympathetic
influence
in
steadying
her
mind
.
When
her
father
once
or
twice
ventured
to
ask
if
she
was
still
thinking
of
me
,
she
answered
quietly
that
she
had
brought
herself
to
share
his
opinions
.
She
could
not
doubt
that
I
had
long
since
ceased
to
think
of
her
.
Even
if
I
had
remained
faithful
to
her
,
she
was
old
enough
now
to
know
that
the
difference
between
us
in
rank
made
our
union
by
marriage
an
impossibility
.
It
would
be
best
(
she
thought
)
not
to
refer
any
more
to
the
past
,
best
to
forget
me
,
as
I
had
forgotten
her
.
So
she
spoke
now
.
So
,
tried
by
the
test
of
appearances
,
Dame
Dermody’s
confident
forecast
of
our
destinies
had
failed
to
justify
itself
,
and
had
taken
its
place
among
the
predictions
that
are
never
fulfilled
.
The
next
notable
event
in
the
family
annals
which
followed
Mary’s
illness
happened
when
she
had
attained
the
age
of
nineteen
years
.
Even
at
this
distance
of
time
my
heart
sinks
,
my
courage
fails
me
,
at
the
critical
stage
in
my
narrative
which
I
have
now
reached
.
A
storm
of
unusual
severity
burst
over
the
eastern
coast
of
Scotland
.
Among
the
ships
that
were
lost
in
the
tempest
was
a
vessel
bound
from
Holland
,
which
was
wrecked
on
the
rocky
shore
near
Dermody’s
place
of
abode
.
Leading
the
way
in
all
good
actions
,
the
bailiff
led
the
way
in
rescuing
the
passengers
and
crew
of
the
lost
ship
.
He
had
brought
one
man
alive
to
land
,
and
was
on
his
way
back
to
the
vessel
,
when
two
heavy
seas
,
following
in
close
succession
,
dashed
him
against
the
rocks
.
He
was
rescued
,
at
the
risk
of
their
own
lives
,
by
his
neighbors
.
The
medical
examination
disclosed
a
broken
bone
and
severe
bruises
and
lacerations
.
So
far
,
Dermody’s
sufferings
were
easy
of
relief
.
But
,
after
a
lapse
of
time
,
symptoms
appeared
in
the
patient
which
revealed
to
his
medical
attendant
the
presence
of
serious
internal
injury
.
In
the
doctor’s
opinion
,
he
could
never
hope
to
resume
the
active
habits
of
his
life
.
He
would
be
an
invalid
and
a
crippled
man
for
the
rest
of
his
days
.
Under
these
melancholy
circumstances
,
the
bailiff’s
employer
did
all
that
could
be
strictly
expected
of
him
,
He
hired
an
assistant
to
undertake
the
supervision
of
the
farm
work
,
and
he
permitted
Dermody
to
occupy
his
cottage
for
the
next
three
months
.
This
concession
gave
the
poor
man
time
to
recover
such
relics
of
strength
as
were
still
left
to
him
,
and
to
consult
his
friends
in
Glasgow
on
the
doubtful
question
of
his
life
to
come
.
The
prospect
was
a
serious
one
.
Dermody
was
quite
unfit
for
any
sedentary
employment
;
and
the
little
money
that
he
had
saved
was
not
enough
to
support
his
daughter
and
himself
.
The
Scotch
friends
were
willing
and
kind
;
but
they
had
domestic
claims
on
them
,
and
they
had
no
money
to
spare
.
In
this
emergency
,
the
passenger
in
the
wrecked
vessel
(
whose
life
Dermody
had
saved
)
came
forward
with
a
proposal
which
took
father
and
daughter
alike
by
surprise
.
He
made
Mary
an
offer
of
marriage
;
on
the
express
understanding
(
if
she
accepted
him
)
that
her
home
was
to
be
her
father’s
home
also
to
the
end
of
his
life
.
The
person
who
thus
associated
himself
with
the
Dermodys
in
the
time
of
their
trouble
was
a
Dutch
gentleman
,
named
Ernest
Van
Brandt
.
He
possessed
a
share
in
a
fishing
establishment
on
the
shores
of
the
Zuyder
Zee
;
and
he
was
on
his
way
to
establish
a
correspondence
with
the
fisheries
in
the
North
of
Scotland
when
the
vessel
was
wrecked
.
Mary
had
produced
a
strong
impression
on
him
when
they
first
met
.
He
had
lingered
in
the
neighborhood
,
in
the
hope
of
gaining
her
favorable
regard
,
with
time
to
help
him
.
Personally
he
was
a
handsome
man
,
in
the
prime
of
life
;
and
he
was
possessed
of
a
sufficient
income
to
marry
on
.
In
making
his
proposal
,
he
produced
references
to
persons
of
high
social
position
in
Holland
,
who
could
answer
for
him
,
so
far
as
the
questions
of
character
and
position
were
concerned
.
Mary
was
long
in
considering
which
course
it
would
be
best
for
her
helpless
father
,
and
best
for
herself
,
to
adopt
.
The
hope
of
a
marriage
with
me
had
been
a
hope
abandoned
by
her
years
since
.
No
woman
looks
forward
willingly
to
a
life
of
cheerless
celibacy
.
In
thinking
of
her
future
,
Mary
naturally
thought
of
herself
in
the
character
of
a
wife
.
Could
she
fairly
expect
in
the
time
to
come
to
receive
any
more
attractive
proposal
than
the
proposal
now
addressed
to
her
?
Mr.
Van
Brandt
had
every
personal
advantage
that
a
woman
could
desire
;
he
was
devotedly
in
love
with
her
;
and
he
felt
a
grateful
affection
for
her
father
as
the
man
to
whom
he
owed
his
life
.
With
no
other
hope
in
her
heart
—
with
no
other
prospect
in
view
—
what
could
she
do
better
than
marry
Mr.
Van
Brandt
?
Influenced
by
these
considerations
,
she
decided
on
speaking
the
fatal
word
.
She
said
,
“
Yes
.
”
At
the
same
time
,
she
spoke
plainly
to
Mr.
Van
Brandt
,
unreservedly
acknowledging
that
she
had
contemplated
another
future
than
the
future
now
set
before
her
.
She
did
not
conceal
that
there
had
once
been
an
old
love
in
her
heart
,
and
that
a
new
love
was
more
than
she
could
command
.
Esteem
,
gratitude
,
and
regard
she
could
honestly
offer
;
and
,
with
time
,
love
might
come
.
For
the
rest
,
she
had
long
since
disassociated
herself
from
the
past
,
and
had
definitely
given
up
all
the
hopes
and
wishes
once
connected
with
it
.
Repose
for
her
father
,
and
tranquil
happiness
for
herself
,
were
the
only
favors
that
she
asked
of
fortune
now
.
These
she
might
find
under
the
roof
of
an
honorable
man
who
loved
and
respected
her
.
She
could
promise
,
on
her
side
,
to
make
him
a
good
and
faithful
wife
,
if
she
could
promise
no
more
.
It
rested
with
Mr.
Van
Brandt
to
say
whether
he
really
believed
that
he
would
be
consulting
his
own
happiness
in
marrying
her
on
these
terms
.
Mr.
Van
Brandt
accepted
the
terms
without
a
moment’s
hesitation
.
They
would
have
been
married
immediately
but
for
an
alarming
change
for
the
worse
in
the
condition
of
Dermody’s
health
.
Symptoms
showed
themselves
,
which
the
doctor
confessed
that
he
had
not
anticipated
when
he
had
given
his
opinion
on
the
case
.
He
warned
Mary
that
the
end
might
be
near
.
A
physician
was
summoned
from
Edinburgh
,
at
Mr.
Van
Brandt’s
expense
.
He
confirmed
the
opinion
entertained
by
the
country
doctor
.
For
some
days
longer
the
good
bailiff
lingered
.
On
the
last
morning
,
he
put
his
daughter’s
hand
in
Van
Brandt’s
hand
.
“
Make
her
happy
,
sir
,
”
he
said
,
in
his
simple
way
,
“
and
you
will
be
even
with
me
for
saving
your
life
.
”
The
same
day
he
died
quietly
in
his
daughter’s
arms
.
Mary’s
future
was
now
entirely
in
her
lover’s
hands
.
The
relatives
in
Glasgow
had
daughters
of
their
own
to
provide
for
.
The
relatives
in
London
resented
Dermody’s
neglect
of
them
.
Van
Brandt
waited
,
delicately
and
considerately
,
until
the
first
violence
of
the
girl’s
grief
had
worn
itself
out
,
and
then
he
pleaded
irresistibly
for
a
husband’s
claim
to
console
her
.
The
time
at
which
they
were
married
in
Scotland
was
also
the
time
at
which
I
was
on
my
way
home
from
India
.
Mary
had
then
reached
the
age
of
twenty
years
.
The
story
of
our
ten
years’
separation
is
now
told
;
the
narrative
leaves
us
at
the
outset
of
our
new
lives
.
I
am
with
my
mother
,
beginning
my
career
as
a
country
gentleman
on
the
estate
in
Perthshire
which
I
have
inherited
from
Mr.
Germaine
.
Mary
is
with
her
husband
,
enjoying
her
new
privileges
,
learning
her
new
duties
,
as
a
wife
.
She
,
too
,
is
living
in
Scotland
—
living
,
by
a
strange
fatality
,
not
very
far
distant
from
my
country-house
.
I
have
no
suspicion
that
she
is
so
near
to
me
:
the
name
of
Mrs.
Van
Brandt
(
even
if
I
had
heard
it
)
appeals
to
no
familiar
association
in
my
mind
.
Still
the
kindred
spirits
are
parted
.
Still
there
is
no
idea
on
her
side
,
and
no
idea
on
mine
,
that
we
shall
ever
meet
again
.
CHAPTER
III
.
THE
WOMAN
ON
THE
BRIDGE
.
MY
mother
looked
in
at
the
library
door
,
and
disturbed
me
over
my
books
.
“
I
have
been
hanging
a
little
picture
in
my
room
,
”
she
said
.
“
Come
upstairs
,
my
dear
,
and
give
me
your
opinion
of
it
.
”
I
rose
and
followed
her
.
She
pointed
to
a
miniature
portrait
,
hanging
above
the
mantelpiece
.
“
Do
you
know
whose
likeness
that
is
?
”
she
asked
,
half
sadly
,
half
playfully
.
“
George
!
Do
you
really
not
recognize
yourself
at
thirteen
years
old
?
”
How
should
I
recognize
myself
?
Worn
by
sickness
and
sorrow
;
browned
by
the
sun
on
my
long
homeward
voyage
;
my
hair
already
growing
thin
over
my
forehead
;
my
eyes
already
habituated
to
their
one
sad
and
weary
look
;
what
had
I
in
common
with
the
fair
,
plump
,
curly-headed
,
bright-eyed
boy
who
confronted
me
in
the
miniature
?
The
mere
sight
of
the
portrait
produced
the
most
extraordinary
effect
on
my
mind
.
It
struck
me
with
an
overwhelming
melancholy
;
it
filled
me
with
a
despair
of
myself
too
dreadful
to
be
endured
.
Making
the
best
excuse
I
could
to
my
mother
,
I
left
the
room
.
In
another
minute
I
was
out
of
the
house
.
I
crossed
the
park
,
and
left
my
own
possessions
behind
me
.
Following
a
by-road
,
I
came
to
our
well-known
river
;
so
beautiful
in
itself
,
so
famous
among
trout-fishers
throughout
Scotland
.
It
was
not
then
the
fishing
season
.
No
human
being
was
in
sight
as
I
took
my
seat
on
the
bank
.
The
old
stone
bridge
which
spanned
the
stream
was
within
a
hundred
yards
of
me
;
the
setting
sun
still
tinged
the
swift-flowing
water
under
the
arches
with
its
red
and
dying
light
.
Still
the
boy’s
face
in
the
miniature
pursued
me
.
Still
the
portrait
seemed
to
reproach
me
in
a
merciless
language
of
its
own
:
“
Look
at
what
you
were
once
;
think
of
what
you
are
now
!
”
I
hid
my
face
in
the
soft
,
fragrant
grass
.
I
thought
of
the
wasted
years
of
my
life
between
thirteen
and
twenty-three
.
How
was
it
to
end
?
If
I
lived
to
the
ordinary
life
of
man
,
what
prospect
had
I
before
me
?
Love
?
Marriage
?
I
burst
out
laughing
as
the
idea
crossed
my
mind
.
Since
the
innocently
happy
days
of
my
boyhood
I
had
known
no
more
of
love
than
the
insect
that
now
crept
over
my
hand
as
it
lay
on
the
grass
.
My
money
,
to
be
sure
,
would
buy
me
a
wife
;
but
would
my
money
make
her
dear
to
me
?
dear
as
Mary
had
once
been
,
in
the
golden
time
when
my
portrait
was
first
painted
?
Mary
!
Was
she
still
living
?
Was
she
married
?
Should
I
know
her
again
if
I
saw
her
?
Absurd
!
I
had
not
seen
her
since
she
was
ten
years
old
:
she
was
now
a
woman
,
as
I
was
a
man
.
Would
she
know
me
if
we
met
?
The
portrait
,
still
pursuing
me
,
answered
the
question
:
“
Look
at
what
you
were
once
;
think
of
what
you
are
now
!
”
I
rose
and
walked
backward
and
forward
,
and
tried
to
turn
the
current
of
my
thoughts
in
some
new
direction
.
It
was
not
to
be
done
.
After
a
banishment
of
years
,
Mary
had
got
back
again
into
my
mind
.
I
sat
down
once
more
on
the
river
bank
.
The
sun
was
sinking
fast
.
Black
shadows
hovered
under
the
arches
of
the
old
stone
bridge
.
The
red
light
had
faded
from
the
swift-flowing
water
,
and
had
left
it
overspread
with
one
monotonous
hue
of
steely
gray
.
The
first
stars
looked
down
peacefully
from
the
cloudless
sky
.
The
first
shiverings
of
the
night
breeze
were
audible
among
the
trees
,
and
visible
here
and
there
in
the
shallow
places
of
the
stream
.
And
still
,
the
darker
it
grew
,
the
more
persistently
my
portrait
led
me
back
to
the
past
,
the
more
vividly
the
long-lost
image
of
the
child
Mary
showed
itself
to
me
in
my
thoughts
.
Was
this
the
prelude
of
her
coming
back
to
me
in
dreams
;
in
her
perfected
womanhood
,
in
the
young
prime
of
her
life
?
It
might
be
so
.
I
was
no
longer
unworthy
of
her
,
as
I
had
once
been
.
The
effect
produced
on
me
by
the
sight
of
my
portrait
was
in
itself
due
to
moral
and
mental
changes
in
me
for
the
better
,
which
had
been
steadily
proceeding
since
the
time
when
my
wound
had
laid
me
helpless
among
strangers
in
a
strange
land
.
Sickness
,
which
has
made
itself
teacher
and
friend
to
many
a
man
,
had
made
itself
teacher
and
friend
to
me
.
I
looked
back
with
horror
at
the
vices
of
my
youth
;
at
the
fruitless
after-days
when
I
had
impiously
doubted
all
that
is
most
noble
,
all
that
is
most
consoling
in
human
life
.
Consecrated
by
sorrow
,
purified
by
repentance
,
was
it
vain
in
me
to
hope
that
her
spirit
a
nd
my
spirit
might
yet
be
united
again
?
Who
could
tell
?
I
rose
once
more
.
It
could
serve
no
good
purpose
to
linger
until
night
by
the
banks
of
the
river
.
I
had
left
the
house
,
feeling
the
impulse
which
drives
us
,
in
certain
excited
conditions
of
the
mind
,
to
take
refuge
in
movement
and
change
.
The
remedy
had
failed
;
my
mind
was
as
strangely
disturbed
as
ever
.
My
wisest
course
would
be
to
go
home
,
and
keep
my
good
mother
company
over
her
favorite
game
of
piquet
.
I
turned
to
take
the
road
back
,
and
stopped
,
struck
by
the
tranquil
beauty
of
the
last
faint
light
in
the
western
sky
,
shining
behind
the
black
line
formed
by
the
parapet
of
the
bridge
.
In
the
grand
gathering
of
the
night
shadows
,
in
the
deep
stillness
of
the
dying
day
,
I
stood
alone
and
watched
the
sinking
light
.
As
I
looked
,
there
came
a
change
over
the
scene
.
Suddenly
and
softly
a
living
figure
glided
into
view
on
the
bridge
.
It
passed
behind
the
black
line
of
the
parapet
,
in
the
last
long
rays
of
the
western
light
.
It
crossed
the
bridge
.
It
paused
,
and
crossed
back
again
half-way
.
Then
it
stopped
.
The
minutes
passed
,
and
there
the
figure
stood
,
a
motionless
black
object
,
behind
the
black
parapet
of
the
bridge
.
I
advanced
a
little
,
moving
near
enough
to
obtain
a
closer
view
of
the
dress
in
which
the
figure
was
attired
.
The
dress
showed
me
that
the
solitary
stranger
was
a
woman
.
She
did
not
notice
me
in
the
shadow
which
the
trees
cast
on
the
bank
.
She
stood
with
her
arms
folded
in
her
cloak
,
looking
down
at
the
darkening
river
.
Why
was
she
waiting
there
at
the
close
of
evening
alone
?
As
the
question
occurred
to
me
,
I
saw
her
head
move
.
She
looked
along
the
bridge
,
first
on
one
side
of
her
,
then
on
the
other
.
Was
she
waiting
for
some
person
who
was
to
meet
her
?
Or
was
she
suspicious
of
observation
,
and
anxious
to
make
sure
that
she
was
alone
?
A
sudden
doubt
of
her
purpose
in
seeking
that
solitary
place
,
a
sudden
distrust
of
the
lonely
bridge
and
the
swift-flowing
river
,
set
my
heart
beating
quickly
and
roused
me
to
instant
action
.
I
hurried
up
the
rising
ground
which
led
from
the
river-bank
to
the
bridge
,
determined
on
speaking
to
her
while
the
opportunity
was
still
mine
.
She
neither
saw
nor
heard
me
until
I
was
close
to
her
.
I
approached
with
an
irrepressible
feeling
of
agitation
;
not
knowing
how
she
might
receive
me
when
I
spoke
to
her
.
The
moment
she
turned
and
faced
me
,
my
composure
came
back
.
It
was
as
if
,
expecting
to
see
a
stranger
,
I
had
unexpectedly
encountered
a
friend
.
And
yet
she
was
a
stranger
.
I
had
never
before
looked
on
that
grave
and
noble
face
,
on
that
grand
figure
whose
exquisite
grace
and
symmetry
even
her
long
cloak
could
not
wholly
hide
.
She
was
not
,
perhaps
,
a
strictly
beautiful
woman
.
There
were
defects
in
her
which
were
sufficiently
marked
to
show
themselves
in
the
fading
light
.
Her
hair
,
for
example
,
seen
under
the
large
garden
hat
that
she
wore
,
looked
almost
as
short
as
the
hair
of
a
man
;
and
the
color
of
it
was
of
that
dull
,
lusterless
brown
hue
which
is
so
commonly
seen
in
English
women
of
the
ordinary
type
.
Still
,
in
spite
of
these
drawbacks
,
there
was
a
latent
charm
in
her
expression
,
there
was
an
inbred
fascination
in
her
manner
,
which
instantly
found
its
way
to
my
sympathies
and
its
hold
on
my
admiration
.
She
won
me
in
the
moment
when
I
first
looked
at
her
.
“
May
I
inquire
if
you
have
lost
your
way
?
”
I
asked
.
Her
eyes
rested
on
my
face
with
a
strange
look
of
inquiry
in
them
.
She
did
not
appear
to
be
surprised
or
confused
at
my
venturing
to
address
her
.
“
I
know
this
part
of
the
country
well
,
”
I
went
on
.
“
Can
I
be
of
any
use
to
you
?
”
She
still
looked
at
me
with
steady
,
inquiring
eyes
.
For
a
moment
,
stranger
as
I
was
,
my
face
seemed
to
trouble
her
as
if
it
had
been
a
face
that
she
had
seen
and
forgotten
again
.
If
she
really
had
this
idea
,
she
at
once
dismissed
it
with
a
little
toss
of
her
head
,
and
looked
away
at
the
river
as
if
she
felt
no
further
interest
in
me
.
“
Thank
you
.
I
have
not
lost
