occurredto
any
gentleman
,
Mr.
Jarndyce
,
but
especially
a
gentleman
formerly
known
to
Lady
Dedlock
,
and
indeed
claiming
some
distant
connection
with
her
,
and
for
whom
(
as
I
learn
from
my
Lady
herself
)
she
entertains
a
high
respect
,
does
,
I
assure
you
,
give
—
Me
—
pain
.
”
“
Pray
say
no
more
about
it
,
Sir
Leicester
,
”
returned
my
guardian
.
“
I
am
very
sensible
,
as
I
am
sure
we
all
are
,
of
your
consideration
.
Indeed
the
mistake
was
mine
,
and
I
ought
to
apologise
for
it
.
”
I
had
not
once
looked
up
.
I
had
not
seen
the
visitor
,
and
had
not
even
appeared
to
myself
to
hear
the
conversation
.
It
surprises
me
to
find
that
I
can
recall
it
,
for
it
seemed
to
make
no
impression
on
me
as
it
passed
.
I
heard
them
speaking
,
but
my
mind
was
so
confused
,
and
my
instinctive
avoidance
of
this
gentleman
made
his
presence
so
distressing
to
me
,
that
I
thought
I
understood
nothing
,
through
the
rushing
in
my
head
and
the
beating
of
my
heart
.
“
I
mentioned
the
subject
to
Lady
Dedlock
,
”
said
Sir
Leicester
,
rising
,
“
and
my
Lady
informed
me
that
she
had
had
the
pleasure
of
exchanging
a
few
words
with
Mr.
Jarndyce
and
his
wards
,
on
the
occasion
of
an
accidental
meeting
during
their
sojourn
in
the
vicinity
.
Permit
me
,
Mr.
Jarndyce
,
to
repeat
to
yourself
,
and
to
these
ladies
,
the
assurance
I
have
already
tendered
to
Mr.
Skimpole
.
Circumstances
undoubtedly
prevent
my
saying
that
it
would
afford
me
any
gratification
to
hear
that
Mr.
Boythorn
had
favored
my
house
with
his
presence
;
but
those
circumstances
are
confined
to
that
gentleman
himself
,
and
do
not
extend
beyond
him
.
”
“
You
know
my
old
opinion
of
him
,
”
said
Mr.
Skimpole
,
lightly
appealing
to
us
.
“
An
amiable
bull
,
who
is
determined
to
make
every
colour
scarlet
!
”
Sir
Leicester
Dedlock
coughed
,
as
if
he
could
not
possibly
hear
another
word
in
reference
to
such
an
individual
;
and
took
his
leave
with
great
ceremony
and
politeness
.
I
got
to
my
own
room
with
all
possible
speed
,
and
remained
there
until
I
had
recovered
my
self-command
.
It
had
been
very
much
disturbed
;
but
I
was
thankful
to
find
,
when
I
went
downstairs
again
,
that
they
only
rallied
me
for
having
been
shy
and
mute
before
the
great
Lincolnshire
baronet
.
By
that
time
I
had
made
up
my
mind
that
the
period
was
come
when
I
must
tell
my
guardian
what
I
knew
.
The
possibility
of
my
being
brought
into
contact
with
my
mother
,
of
my
being
taken
to
her
house
,
—
even
of
Mr.
Skimpole
's
,
however
distantly
associated
with
me
,
receiving
kindnesses
and
obligations
from
her
husband
,
—
was
so
painful
,
that
I
felt
I
could
no
longer
guide
myself
without
his
assistance
.
When
we
had
retired
for
the
night
,
and
Ada
and
I
had
had
our
usual
talk
in
our
pretty
room
,
I
went
out
at
my
door
again
,
and
sought
my
guardian
among
his
books
.
I
knew
he
always
read
at
that
hour
;
and
as
I
drew
near
,
I
saw
the
light
shining
out
into
the
passage
from
his
reading-lamp
.
“
May
I
come
in
,
guardian
?
”
“
Surely
,
little
woman
.
What
's
the
matter
?
”
“
Nothing
is
the
matter
.
I
thought
I
would
like
to
take
this
quiet
time
of
saying
a
word
to
you
about
myself
.
”
He
put
a
chair
for
me
,
shut
his
book
,
and
put
it
by
,
and
turned
his
kind
attentive
face
towards
me
.
I
could
not
help
observing
that
it
wore
that
curious
expression
I
had
observed
in
it
once
before
—
on
that
night
when
he
had
said
that
he
was
in
no
trouble
which
I
could
readily
understand
.
“
What
concerns
you
,
my
dear
Esther
,
”
said
he
“
concerns
us
all
.
You
cannot
be
more
ready
to
speak
than
I
am
to
hear
.
”
“
I
know
that
,
guardian
.
But
I
have
such
need
of
your
advice
and
support
.
O
!
you
do
n't
know
how
much
need
I
have
to-night
.
”
He
looked
unprepared
for
my
being
so
earnest
,
and
even
a
little
alarmed
.
“
Or
how
anxious
I
have
been
to
speak
to
you
,
”
said
I
,
“
ever
since
the
visitor
was
here
to-day
.
”
“
The
visitor
,
my
dear
!
Sir
Leicester
Dedlock
?
”
“
Yes
.
”
He
folded
his
arms
,
and
sat
looking
at
me
with
an
air
of
the
profoundest
astonishment
,
awaiting
what
I
should
say
next
.
I
did
not
know
how
to
prepare
him
.
“
Why
,
Esther
,
”
said
he
,
breaking
into
a
smile
,
“
our
visitor
and
you
are
the
two
last
persons
on
earth
I
should
have
thought
of
connecting
together
!
”
“
O
yes
,
guardian
,
I
know
it
.
And
I
too
,
but
a
little
while
ago
.
”
The
smile
passed
from
his
face
,
and
he
became
graver
than
before
.
He
crossed
to
the
door
to
see
that
it
was
shut
(
but
I
had
seen
to
that
)
,
and
resumed
his
seat
before
me
.
“
Guardian
,
”
said
I
,
“
do
you
remember
,
when
we
were
overtaken
by
the
thunderstorm
,
Lady
Dedlock
's
speaking
to
you
of
her
sister
?
”
“
Of
course
.
Of
course
I
do
.
”
“
And
reminding
you
that
she
and
her
sister
had
differed
;
had
‘gone
their
several
ways
?
’
”
“
Of
course
.
”
“
Why
did
they
separate
,
guardian
?
”
His
face
quite
altered
as
he
looked
at
me
.
“
My
child
,
what
questions
are
these
!
I
never
knew
.
No
one
but
themselves
ever
did
know
,
I
believe
.
Who
could
tell
what
the
secrets
of
those
two
handsome
and
proud
women
were
!
You
have
seen
Lady
Dedlock
.
If
you
had
ever
seen
her
sister
,
you
would
know
her
to
have
been
as
resolute
and
haughty
as
she
.
”
“
O
guardian
,
I
have
seen
her
many
and
many
a
time
!
”
“
Seen
her
?
”
He
paused
a
little
,
biting
his
lip
.
“
Then
,
Esther
,
when
you
spoke
to
me
long
ago
of
Boythorn
,
and
when
I
told
you
that
he
was
all
but
married
once
,
and
that
the
lady
did
not
die
,
but
died
to
him
,
and
that
that
time
had
had
its
influence
on
his
later
life
—
did
you
know
it
all
,
and
know
who
the
lady
was
?
”
“
No
,
guardian
,
”
I
returned
,
fearful
of
the
light
that
dimly
broke
upon
me
.
“
Nor
do
I
know
yet
.
”
“
Lady
Dedlock
's
sister
.
”
“
And
why
,
”
I
could
scarcely
ask
him
,
“
why
,
guardian
,
pray
tell
me
why
were
they
parted
?
”
“
It
was
her
act
,
and
she
kept
its
motives
in
her
inflexible
heart
.
He
afterwards
did
conjecture
(
but
it
was
mere
conjecture
)
,
that
some
injury
which
her
haughty
spirit
had
received
in
her
cause
of
quarrel
with
her
sister
,
had
wounded
her
beyond
all
reason
;
but
she
wrote
him
that
from
the
date
of
that
letter
she
died
to
him
—
as
in
literal
truth
she
did
—
and
that
the
resolution
was
exacted
from
her
by
her
knowledge
of
his
proud
temper
and
his
strained
sense
of
honour
,
which
were
both
her
nature
too
.
In
consideration
for
those
master
points
in
him
,
and
even
in
consideration
for
them
in
herself
,
she
made
the
sacrifice
,
she
said
,
and
would
live
in
it
and
die
in
it
.
She
did
both
,
I
fear
:
certainly
he
never
saw
her
,
never
heard
of
her
from
that
hour
.
Nor
did
any
one
.
”
“
O
guardian
,
what
have
I
done
!
”
I
cried
,
giving
way
to
my
grief
;
“
what
sorrow
have
I
innocently
caused
!
”
“
You
caused
,
Esther
?
”
“
Yes
,
guardian
.
Innocently
,
but
most
surely
.
That
secluded
sister
is
my
first
remembrance
.
”
“
No
,
no
!
”
he
cried
,
starting
.
“
Yes
,
guardian
,
yes
!
And
her
sister
is
my
mother
!
”
I
would
have
told
him
all
my
mother
's
letter
,
but
he
would
not
hear
it
then
.
He
spoke
so
tenderly
and
wisely
to
me
,
and
he
put
so
plainly
before
me
all
I
had
myself
imperfectly
thought
and
hoped
in
my
better
state
of
mind
,
that
,
penetrated
as
I
had
been
with
fervent
gratitude
towards
him
through
so
many
years
,
I
believed
I
had
never
loved
him
so
dearly
,
never
thanked
him
in
my
heart
so
fully
,
as
I
did
that
night
.
And
when
he
had
taken
me
to
my
room
and
kissed
me
at
the
door
,
and
when
at
last
I
lay
down
to
sleep
,
my
thought
was
how
could
I
ever
be
busy
enough
,
how
could
I
ever
be
good
enough
,
how
in
my
little
way
could
I
ever
hope
to
be
forgetful
enough
of
myself
,
devoted
enough
to
him
,
and
useful
enough
to
others
,
to
show
him
how
I
blessed
and
honored
him
.
CHAPTER
XLIV
.
THE
LETTER
AND
THE
ANSWER
.
MY
guardian
called
me
into
his
room
next
morning
,
and
then
I
told
him
what
had
been
left
untold
on
the
previous
night
.
There
was
nothing
to
be
done
,
he
said
,
but
to
keep
the
secret
,
and
to
avoid
another
such
encounter
as
that
of
yesterday
.
He
understood
my
feeling
,
and
entirely
shared
it
.
He
charged
himself
even
with
restraining
Mr.
Skimpole
from
improving
his
opportunity
.
One
person
whom
he
need
not
name
to
me
,
it
was
not
now
possible
for
him
to
advise
or
help
.
He
wished
it
were
;
but
no
such
thing
could
be
.
If
her
mistrust
of
the
lawyer
whom
she
had
mentioned
were
well-founded
,
which
he
scarcely
doubted
,
he
dreaded
discovery
.
He
knew
something
of
him
,
both
by
sight
and
by
reputation
,
and
it
was
certain
that
he
was
a
dangerous
man
.
Whatever
happened
,
he
repeatedly
impressed
upon
me
with
anxious
affection
and
kindness
,
I
was
as
innocent
of
,
as
himself
;
and
as
unable
to
influence
.
“
Nor
do
I
understand
,
”
said
he
,
“
that
any
doubts
tend
towards
you
,
my
dear
.
Much
suspicion
may
exist
without
that
connexion
.
”
“
With
the
lawyer
,
”
I
returned
.
“
But
two
other
persons
have
come
into
my
mind
since
I
have
been
anxious
.
”
Then
I
told
him
all
about
Mr.
Guppy
,
who
I
feared
might
have
had
his
vague
surmises
when
I
little
understood
his
meaning
,
but
in
whose
silence
after
our
last
interview
I
expressed
perfect
confidence
.
”
“
Well
,
”
said
my
guardian
.
“
Then
we
may
dismiss
him
for
the
present
.
Who
is
the
other
?
”
I
called
to
his
recollection
the
French
maid
,
and
the
eager
offer
of
herself
she
had
made
to
me
.
“
Ha
!
”
he
returned
thoughtfully
,
“
that
is
a
more
alarming
person
than
the
clerk
.
But
after
all
,
my
dear
,
it
was
but
seeking
for
a
new
service
.
She
had
seen
you
and
Ada
a
little
while
before
,
and
it
was
natural
that
you
should
come
into
her
head
.
She
merely
proposed
herself
for
your
maid
,
you
know
.
She
did
nothing
more
.
”
“
Her
manner
was
strange
,
”
said
I
.
“
Yes
,
and
her
manner
was
strange
when
she
took
her
shoes
off
,
and
showed
that
cool
relish
for
a
walk
that
might
have
ended
in
her
deathbed
,
”
said
my
guardian
.
“
It
would
be
useless
self-distress
and
torment
to
reckon
up
such
chances
and
possibilities
.
There
are
very
few
harmless
circumstances
that
would
not
seem
full
of
perilous
meaning
,
so
considered
.
Be
hopeful
,
little
woman
.
You
can
be
nothing
better
than
yourself
;
be
that
,
through
this
knowledge
,
as
you
were
before
you
had
it
.
It
is
the
best
you
can
do
,
for
everybody
's
sake
.
I
sharing
the
secret
with
you
—
”
“
And
lightening
it
,
guardian
,
so
much
,
”
said
I
.
“
—
Will
be
attentive
to
what
passes
in
that
family
,
so
far
as
I
can
observe
it
from
my
distance
.
And
if
the
time
should
come
when
I
can
stretch
out
a
hand
to
render
the
least
service
to
one
whom
it
is
better
not
to
name
even
here
,
I
will
not
fail
to
do
it
for
her
dear
daughter
's
sake
.
”
I
thanked
him
with
my
whole
heart
.
What
could
I
ever
do
but
thank
him
!
I
was
going
out
at
the
door
,
when
he
asked
me
to
stay
a
moment
.
Quickly
turning
round
,
I
saw
that
same
expression
on
his
face
again
;
and
all
at
once
,
I
do
n't
know
how
,
it
flashed
upon
me
as
a
new
and
far
off
possibility
that
I
understood
it
.
“
My
dear
Esther
,
”
said
my
guardian
,
“
I
have
long
had
something
in
my
thoughts
that
I
have
wished
to
say
to
you
.
”
“
Indeed
?
”
“
I
have
had
some
difficulty
in
approaching
it
,
and
I
still
have
.
I
should
wish
it
to
be
so
deliberately
said
,
and
so
deliberately
considered
.
Would
you
object
to
my
writing
it
?
”
“
Dear
guardian
,
how
could
I
object
to
your
writing
anything
for
me
to
read
?
”
“
Then
see
,
my
love
,
”
said
he
,
with
his
cheery
smile
;
“
am
I
at
this
moment
quite
as
plain
and
easy
—
do
I
seem
as
open
,
as
honest
and
old-fashioned
,
as
I
am
at
any
time
?
”
I
answered
,
in
all
earnestness
,
“
Quite
.
”
With
the
strictest
truth
,
for
his
momentary
hesitation
was
gone
(
it
had
not
lasted
a
minute
)
,
and
his
fine
,
sensible
,
cordial
,
sterling
manner
was
restored
.
“
Do
I
look
as
if
I
suppressed
anything
,
meant
anything
but
what
I
said
,
had
any
reservation
at
all
,
no
matter
what
?
”
said
he
,
with
his
bright
clear
eyes
on
mine
.
I
answered
,
most
assuredly
he
did
not
.
“
Can
you
fully
trust
me
,
and
thoroughly
rely
on
what
I
profess
,
Esther
?
”
“
Most
thoroughly
,
”
said
I
with
my
whole
heart
.
“
My
dear
girl
,
”
returned
my
guardian
,
“
give
me
your
hand
.
”
He
took
it
in
his
,
holding
me
lightly
with
his
arm
,
and
,
looking
down
into
my
face
with
the
same
genuine
freshness
and
faithfulness
of
manner
—
the
old
protecting
manner
which
had
made
that
house
my
home
in
a
moment
—
said
,
“
You
have
wrought
changes
in
me
,
little
woman
,
since
the
winter
day
in
the
stage
coach
.
First
and
last
you
have
done
me
a
world
of
good
,
since
that
time
.
”
“
Ah
,
guardian
,
what
have
you
done
for
me
since
that
time
!
”
“
But
,
”
said
he
,
“
that
is
not
to
be
remembered
now
.
”
“
It
never
can
be
forgotten
.
”
“
Yes
,
Esther
,
”
said
he
,
with
a
gentle
seriousness
,
“
it
is
to
be
forgotten
now
;
to
be
forgotten
for
a
while
.
You
are
only
to
remember
now
,
that
nothing
can
change
me
as
you
know
me
.
Can
you
feel
quite
assured
of
that
,
my
dear
?
”
“
I
can
,
and
I
do
,
”
I
said
.
“
That
's
much
,
”
he
answered
.
“
That
's
everything
.
But
I
must
not
take
that
,
at
a
word
.
I
will
not
write
this
something
in
my
thoughts
,
until
you
have
quite
resolved
within
yourself
that
nothing
can
change
me
as
you
know
me
.
If
you
doubt
that
in
the
least
degree
I
will
never
write
it
.
If
you
are
sure
of
that
,
on
good
consideration
,
send
Charley
to
me
this
night
week
—
‘for
the
letter.’
But
if
you
are
not
quite
certain
,
never
send
.
Mind
,
I
trust
to
your
truth
,
in
this
thing
as
in
everything
.
If
you
are
not
quite
certain
on
that
one
point
,
never
send
!
”
“
Guardian
,
”
said
I
,
“
I
am
already
certain
.
I
can
no
more
be
changed
in
that
conviction
,
than
you
can
be
changed
towards
me
.
I
shall
send
Charley
for
the
letter
.
”
He
shook
my
hand
and
said
no
more
.
Nor
was
any
more
said
in
reference
to
this
conversation
,
either
by
him
or
me
,
through
the
whole
week
.
When
the
appointed
night
came
,
I
said
to
Charley
as
soon
as
I
was
alone
,
“
Go
and
knock
at
Mr.
Jarndyce
's
door
,
Charley
,
and
say
you
have
come
from
me
—
‘for
the
letter.’
”
Charley
went
up
the
stairs
,
and
down
the
stairs
,
and
along
the
passages
—
the
zig-zag
way
about
the
old-fashioned
house
seemed
very
long
in
my
listening
ears
that
night
—
and
so
came
back
,
along
the
passages
,
and
down
the
stairs
,
and
up
the
stairs
,
and
brought
the
letter
.
“
Lay
it
on
the
table
,
Charley
,
”
said
I
.
So
Charley
laid
it
on
the
table
and
went
to
bed
,
and
I
sat
looking
at
it
without
taking
it
up
,
thinking
of
many
things
.
I
began
with
my
overshadowed
childhood
,
and
passed
through
those
timid
days
to
the
heavy
time
when
my
aunt
lay
dead
,
with
her
resolute
face
so
cold
and
set
;
and
when
I
was
more
solitary
with
Mrs.
Rachael
,
than
if
I
had
had
no
one
in
the
world
to
speak
to
or
to
look
at
.
I
passed
to
the
altered
days
when
I
was
so
blest
as
to
find
friends
in
all
around
me
,
and
to
be
beloved
.
I
came
to
the
time
when
I
first
saw
my
dear
girl
,
and
was
received
into
that
sisterly
affection
which
was
the
grace
and
beauty
of
my
life
.
I
recalled
the
first
bright
gleam
of
welcome
which
had
shone
out
of
those
very
windows
upon
our
expectant
faces
on
that
cold
bright
night
,
and
which
had
never
paled
.
I
lived
my
happy
life
there
over
again
,
I
went
through
my
illness
and
recovery
,
I
thought
of
myself
so
altered
and
of
those
around
me
so
unchanged
;
and
all
this
happiness
shone
like
a
light
,
from
one
central
figure
,
represented
before
me
by
the
letter
on
the
table
.
I
opened
it
and
read
it
.
It
was
so
impressive
in
its
love
for
me
,
and
in
the
unselfish
caution
it
gave
me
,
and
the
consideration
it
showed
for
me
in
every
word
,
that
my
eyes
were
too
often
blinded
to
read
much
at
a
time
.
But
I
read
it
through
three
times
,
before
I
laid
it
down
.
I
had
thought
beforehand
that
I
knew
its
purport
,
and
I
did
.
It
asked
me
would
I
be
the
mistress
of
Bleak
House
.
It
was
not
a
love
letter
though
it
expressed
so
much
love
,
but
was
written
just
as
he
would
at
any
time
have
spoken
to
me
.
I
saw
his
face
,
and
heard
his
voice
,
and
felt
the
influence
of
his
kind
protecting
manner
,
in
every
line
.
It
addressed
me
as
if
our
places
were
reversed
:
as
if
all
the
good
deeds
had
been
mine
,
and
all
the
feelings
they
had
awakened
,
his
.
It
dwelt
on
my
being
young
,
and
he
past
the
prime
of
life
;
on
his
having
attained
a
ripe
age
,
while
I
was
a
child
;
on
his
writing
to
me
with
a
silvered
head
,
and
knowing
all
this
so
well
as
to
set
it
in
full
before
me
for
mature
deliberation
.
It
told
me
that
I
would
gain
nothing
by
such
a
marriage
,
and
lose
nothing
by
rejecting
it
;
for
no
new
relation
could
enhance
the
tenderness
in
which
he
held
me
,
and
whatever
my
decision
was
,
he
was
certain
it
would
be
right
.
But
he
had
considered
this
step
anew
,
since
our
late
confidence
,
and
had
decided
on
taking
it
;
if
it
only
served
to
show
me
,
through
one
poor
instance
,
that
the
whole
world
would
readily
unite
to
falsify
the
stern
prediction
of
my
childhood
.
I
was
the
last
to
know
what
happiness
I
could
bestow
upon
him
,
but
of
that
he
said
no
more
;
for
I
was
always
to
remember
that
I
owed
him
nothing
,
and
that
he
was
my
debtor
,
and
for
very
much
.
He
had
often
thought
of
our
future
;
and
,
foreseeing
that
the
time
must
come
,
and
fearing
that
it
might
come
soon
,
when
Ada
(
now
very
nearly
of
age
)
would
leave
us
,
and
when
our
present
mode
of
life
must
be
broken
up
,
had
become
accustomed
to
reflect
on
this
proposal
.
Thus
he
made
it
.
If
I
felt
that
I
could
ever
give
him
the
best
right
he
could
have
to
be
my
protector
,
and
if
I
felt
that
I
could
happily
and
justly
become
the
dear
companion
of
his
remaining
life
,
superior
to
all
lighter
chances
and
changes
than
Death
,
even
then
he
could
not
have
me
bind
myself
irrevocably
,
while
this
letter
was
yet
so
new
to
me
;
but
,
even
then
,
I
must
have
ample
time
for
reconsideration
.
In
that
case
,
or
in
the
opposite
case
,
let
him
be
unchanged
in
his
old
relation
,
in
his
old
manner
,
in
the
old
name
by
which
I
called
him
.
And
as
to
his
bright
Dame
Durden
and
little
housekeeper
,
she
would
ever
be
the
same
,
he
knew
.
This
was
the
substance
of
the
letter
;
written
throughout
with
a
justice
and
a
dignity
,
as
if
he
were
indeed
my
responsible
guardian
,
impartially
representing
the
proposal
of
a
friend
against
whom
in
his
integrity
he
stated
the
full
case
.
But
he
did
not
hint
to
me
,
that
when
I
had
been
better-looking
,
he
had
had
this
same
proceeding
in
his
thoughts
,
and
had
refrained
from
it
.
That
when
my
old
face
was
gone
from
me
,
and
I
had
no
attractions
,
he
could
love
me
just
as
well
as
in
my
fairer
days
.
That
the
discovery
of
my
birth
gave
him
no
shock
.
That
his
generosity
rose
above
my
disfigurement
,
and
my
inheritance
of
shame
.
That
the
more
I
stood
in
need
of
such
fidelity
,
the
more
firmly
I
might
trust
in
him
to
the
last
.
But
I
knew
it
,
I
knew
it
well
now
.
It
came
upon
me
as
the
close
of
the
benignant
history
I
had
been
pursuing
,
and
I
felt
that
I
had
but
one
thing
to
do
.
To
devote
my
life
to
his
happiness
was
to
thank
him
poorly
,
and
what
had
I
wished
for
the
other
night
but
some
new
means
of
thanking
him
?
Still
I
cried
very
much
;
not
only
in
the
fulness
of
my
heart
after
reading
the
letter
,
not
only
in
the
strangeness
of
the
prospect
—
for
it
was
strange
though
I
had
expected
the
contents
—
but
as
if
something
for
which
there
was
no
name
or
distinct
idea
were
indefinitely
lost
to
me
.
I
was
very
happy
,
very
thankful
,
very
hopeful
;
but
I
cried
very
much
.
By-and-by
I
went
to
my
old
glass
.
My
eyes
were
red
and
swollen
,
and
I
said
,
“
O
Esther
,
Esther
,
can
that
be
you
!
”
I
am
afraid
the
face
in
the
glass
was
going
to
cry
again
at
this
reproach
,
but
I
held
up
my
finger
at
it
,
and
it
stopped
.
“
That
is
more
like
the
composed
look
you
comforted
me
with
,
my
dear
,
when
you
showed
me
such
a
change
!
”
said
I
,
beginning
to
let
down
my
hair
.
“
When
you
are
mistress
of
Bleak
House
,
you
are
to
be
as
cheerful
as
a
bird
.
In
fact
,
you
are
always
to
be
cheerful
;
so
let
us
begin
for
once
and
for
all
.
”
I
went
on
with
my
hair
now
,
quite
comfortably
.
I
sobbed
a
little
still
,
but
that
was
because
I
had
been
crying
;
not
because
I
was
crying
then
.
“
And
so
Esther
,
my
dear
,
you
are
happy
for
life
.
Happy
with
your
best
friends
,
happy
in
your
old
home
,
happy
in
the
power
of
doing
a
great
deal
of
good
,
and
happy
in
the
undeserved
love
of
the
best
of
men
.
”
I
thought
,
all
at
once
,
if
my
guardian
had
married
some
one
else
,
how
should
I
have
felt
,
and
what
should
I
have
done
!
That
would
have
been
a
change
indeed
.
It
presented
my
life
in
such
a
new
and
blank
form
,
that
I
rang
my
housekeeping
keys
and
gave
them
a
kiss
before
I
laid
them
down
in
their
basket
again
.
Then
I
went
on
to
think
,
as
I
dressed
my
hair
before
the
glass
,
how
often
had
I
considered
within
myself
that
the
deep
traces
of
my
illness
,
and
the
circumstances
of
my
birth
,
were
only
new
reasons
why
I
should
be
busy
,
busy
,
busy
—
useful
,
amiable
,
serviceable
,
in
all
honest
unpretending
ways
.
This
was
a
good
time
,
to
be
sure
,
to
sit
down
morbidly
and
cry
!
As
to
its
seeming
at
all
strange
to
me
at
first
(
if
that
were
any
excuse
for
crying
,
which
it
was
not
)
that
I
was
one
day
to
be
the
mistress
of
Bleak
House
,
why
should
it
seem
strange
?
Other
people
had
thought
of
such
things
,
if
I
had
not
.
“
Do
n't
you
remember
,
my
plain
dear
,
”
I
asked
myself
,
looking
at
the
glass
,
“
what
Mrs.
Woodcourt
said
before
those
scars
were
there
,
about
your
marrying
—
”
Perhaps
the
name
brought
them
to
my
remembrance
.
The
dried
remains
of
the
flowers
.
It
would
be
better
not
to
keep
them
now
.
They
had
only
been
preserved
in
memory
of
something
wholly
past
and
gone
,
but
it
would
be
better
not
to
keep
them
now
.
They
were
in
a
book
,
and
it
happened
to
be
in
the
next
room
—
our
sitting-room
,
dividing
Ada
's
chamber
from
mine
.
I
took
a
candle
,
and
went
softly
in
to
fetch
it
from
its
shelf
.
After
I
had
it
in
my
hand
,
I
saw
my
beautiful
darling
,
through
the
open
door
,
lying
asleep
,
and
I
stole
in
to
kiss
her
.
It
was
weak
in
me
,
I
know
,
and
I
could
have
no
reason
for
crying
;
but
I
dropped
a
tear
upon
her
dear
face
,
and
another
,
and
another
.
Weaker
than
that
,
I
took
the
withered
flowers
out
,
and
put
them
for
a
moment
to
her
lips
.
I
thought
about
her
love
for
Richard
;
though
,
indeed
,
the
flowers
had
nothing
to
do
with
that
.
Then
I
took
them
into
my
own
room
,
and
burned
them
at
the
candle
,
and
they
were
dust
in
an
instant
.
On
entering
the
breakfast-room
next
morning
,
I
found
my
guardian
just
as
usual
;
quite
as
frank
,
as
open
,
and
free
.
There
being
not
the
least
constraint
in
his
manner
,
there
was
none
(
or
I
think
there
was
none
)
in
mine
.
I
was
with
him
several
times
in
the
course
of
the
morning
,
in
and
out
,
when
there
was
no
one
there
;
and
I
thought
it
not
unlikely
that
he
might
speak
to
me
about
the
letter
;
but
he
did
not
say
a
word
.
So
,
on
the
next
morning
,
and
the
next
,
and
for
at
least
a
week
;
over
which
time
Mr.
Skimpole
prolonged
his
stay
.
I
expected
,
every
day
,
that
my
guardian
might
speak
to
me
about
the
letter
;
but
he
never
did
.
I
thought
then
,
growing
uneasy
,
that
I
ought
to
write
an
answer
.
I
tried
over
and
over
again
in
my
own
room
at
night
,
but
I
could
not
write
an
answer
that
at
all
began
like
a
good
answer
;
so
I
thought
each
night
I
would
wait
one
more
day
.
And
I
waited
seven
more
days
,
and
he
never
said
a
word
.
At
last
Mr.
Skimpole
having
departed
,
we
three
were
one
afternoon
going
out
for
a
ride
;
and
I
being
dressed
before
Ada
,
and
going
down
,
came
upon
my
guardian
,
with
his
back
towards
me
,
standing
at
the
drawing-room
window
looking
out
.
He
turned
on
my
coming
in
,
and
said
,
smiling
,
“
Aye
,
it
's
you
,
little
woman
,
is
it
?
”
and
looked
out
again
.
I
had
made
up
my
mind
to
speak
to
him
now
.
In
short
,
I
had
come
down
on
purpose
.
“
Guardian
,
”
I
said
,
rather
hesitating
and
trembling
,
“
when
would
you
like
to
have
the
answer
to
the
letter
Charley
came
for
?
”
“
When
it
's
ready
,
my
dear
,
”
he
replied
.
“
I
think
it
is
ready
,
”
said
I
.
“
Is
Charley
to
bring
it
?
”
he
asked
,
pleasantly
.
“
No.
I
have
brought
it
myself
,
guardian
,
”
I
returned
.
I
put
my
two
arms
round
his
neck
and
kissed
him
;
and
he
said
was
this
the
mistress
of
Bleak
House
;
and
I
said
yes
;
and
it
made
no
difference
presently
,
and
we
all
went
out
together
,
and
I
said
nothing
to
my
precious
pet
about
it
.
CHAPTER
XLV
.
IN
TRUST
.
ONE
morning
when
I
had
done
jingling
about
with
my
baskets
of
keys
,
as
my
beauty
and
I
were
walking
round
and
round
the
garden
I
happened
to
turn
my
eyes
towards
the
house
,
and
saw
a
long
thin
shadow
going
in
which
looked
like
Mr.
Vholes
.
Ada
had
been
telling
me
only
that
morning
,
of
her
hopes
that
Richard
might
exhaust
his
ardor
in
the
Chancery
suit
by
being
so
very
earnest
in
it
;
and
therefore
,
not
to
damp
my
dear
girl
's
spirits
,
I
said
nothing
about
Mr.
Vholes
's
shadow
.
Presently
came
Charley
,
lightly
winding
among
the
bushes
,
and
tripping
along
the
paths
,
as
rosy
and
pretty
as
one
of
Flora
's
attendants
instead
of
my
maid
,
saying
,
“
O
if
you
please
,
miss
,
would
you
step
and
speak
to
Mr.
Jarndyce
!
”
It
was
one
of
Charley
's
peculiarities
,
that
whenever
she
was
charged
with
a
message
she
always
began
to
deliver
it
as
soon
as
she
beheld
,
at
any
distance
,
the
person
for
whom
it
was
intended
.
Therefore
I
saw
Charley
,
asking
me
in
her
usual
form
of
words
,
to
“
step
and
speak
”
to
Mr.
Jarndyce
,
long
before
I
heard
her
.
And
when
I
did
hear
her
,
she
had
said
it
so
often
that
she
was
out
of
breath
.
I
told
Ada
I
would
make
haste
back
,
and
inquired
of
Charley
,
as
we
went
in
,
whether
there
was
not
a
gentleman
with
Mr.
Jarndyce
?
To
which
Charley
,
whose
grammar
,
I
confess
to
my
shame
,
never
did
any
credit
to
my
educational
powers
,
replied
,
“
Yes
,
miss.
Him
as
come
down
in
the
country
with
Mr.
Richard
.
”
A
more
complete
contrast
than
my
guardian
and
Mr.
Vholes
,
I
suppose
there
could
not
be
.
I
found
them
looking
at
one
another
across
a
table
;
the
one
so
open
,
and
the
other
so
close
;
the
one
so
broad
and
upright
,
and
the
other
so
narrow
and
stooping
;
the
one
giving
out
what
he
had
to
say
in
such
a
rich
ringing
voice
,
and
the
other
keeping
it
in
in
such
a
cold-blooded
,
gasping
,
fish-like
manner
;
that
I
thought
I
never
had
seen
two
people
so
unmatched
.
“
You
know
Mr.
Vholes
,
my
dear
,
”
said
my
guardian
.
Not
with
the
greatest
urbanity
,
I
must
say
.
Mr.
Vholes
rose
,
gloved
and
buttoned
up
as
usual
,
and
seated
himself
again
,
just
as
he
had
seated
himself
beside
Richard
in
the
gig
.
Not
having
Richard
to
look
at
,
he
looked
straight
before
him
.
“
Mr.
Vholes
,
”
said
my
guardian
,
eyeing
his
black
figure
,
as
if
he
were
a
bird
of
ill
omen
,
“
has
brought
an
ugly
report
of
our
most
unfortunate
Rick
.
”
Laying
a
marked
emphasis
on
most
unfortunate
,
as
if
the
words
were
rather
descriptive
of
his
connexion
with
Mr.
Vholes
.
I
sat
down
between
them
;
Mr.
Vholes
remained
immoveable
,
except
that
he
secretly
picked
at
one
of
the
red
pimples
on
his
yellow
face
with
his
black
glove
.
“
And
as
Rick
and
you
are
happily
good
friends
,
I
should
like
to
know
,
”
said
my
guardian
,
“
what
you
think
,
my
dear
.
Would
you
be
so
good
as
to
—
as
to
speak
up
,
Mr.
Vholes
?
”
Doing
anything
but
that
,
Mr.
Vholes
observed
:
“
I
have
been
saying
that
I
have
reason
to
know
,
Miss
Summerson
,
as
Mr.
C
's
professional
adviser
,
that
Mr.
C
's
circumstances
are
at
the
present
moment
in
an
embarrassed
state
.
Not
so
much
in
point
of
amount
,
as
owing
to
the
peculiar
and
pressing
nature
of
liabilities
Mr.
C
has
incurred
,
and
the
means
he
has
of
liquidating
or
meeting
the
same
.
I
have
staved
off
many
little
matters
for
Mr.
C
;
but
there
is
a
limit
to
staving
off
,
and
we
have
reached
it
.
I
have
made
some
advances
out
of
pocket
to
accommodate
these
unpleasantnesses
,
but
I
necessarily
look
to
being
repaid
,
for
I
do
not
pretend
to
be
a
man
of
capital
,
and
I
have
a
father
to
support
in
the
Vale
of
Taunton
,
besides
striving
to
realise
some
little
independence
for
three
dear
girls
at
home
.
My
apprehension
is
,
Mr.
C
's
circumstances
being
such
,
lest
it
should
end
in
his
obtaining
leave
to
part
with
his
commission
;
which
at
all
events
is
desirable
to
be
made
known
to
his
connexions
.
”
Mr.
Vholes
,
who
had
looked
at
me
while
speaking
,
here
merged
into
the
silence
he
could
hardly
be
said
to
have
broken
,
so
stifled
was
his
tone
and
looked
before
him
again
.
“
Imagine
the
poor
fellow
without
even
his
present
resource
,
”
said
my
guardian
to
me
.
“
Yet
what
can
I
do
?
”
You
know
him
,
Esther
.
He
would
never
accept
of
help
from
me
,
now
.
To
offer
it
,
or
hint
at
it
,
would
be
to
drive
him
to
an
extremity
,
if
nothing
else
did
.
”
Mr.
Vholes
hereupon
addressed
me
again
.
“
What
Mr.
Jarndyce
remarks
,
miss
,
is
no
doubt
the
case
,
and
is
the
difficulty
.
I
do
not
see
that
anything
is
to
be
done
.
I
do
not
say
that
anything
is
to
be
done
.
Far
from
it
.
I
merely
come
down
here
under
the
seal
of
confidence
and
mention
it
,
in
order
that
everything
may
be
openly
carried
on
,
and
that
it
may
not
be
said
afterwards
that
everything
was
not
openly
carried
on
.
My
wish
is
that
everything
should
be
openly
carried
on
.
I
desire
to
leave
a
good
name
behind
me
.
If
I
consulted
merely
my
own
interests
with
Mr.
C
,
I
should
not
be
here
.
So
insurmountable
,
as
you
must
well
know
,
would
be
his
objections
.
This
is
not
a
professional
attendance
.
This
can
be
charged
to
nobody
.
I
have
no
interest
in
it
,
except
as
a
member
of
society
and
a
father
—
and
a
son
,
”
said
Mr.
Vholes
,
who
had
nearly
forgotten
that
point
.
It
appeared
to
us
that
Mr.
Vholes
said
neither
more
nor
less
than
the
truth
,
in
intimating
that
he
sought
to
divide
the
responsibility
,
such
as
it
was
,
of
knowing
Richard
's
situation
.
I
could
only
suggest
that
I
should
go
down
to
Deal
,
where
Richard
was
then
stationed
,
and
see
him
,
and
try
if
it
were
possible
to
avert
the
worst
.
Without
consulting
Mr.
Vholes
on
this
point
,
I
took
my
guardian
aside
to
propose
it
,
while
Mr.
Vholes
gauntly
stalked
to
the
fire
,
and
warmed
his
funeral
gloves
.
The
fatigue
of
the
journey
formed
an
immediate
objection
on
my
guardian
's
part
;
but
as
I
saw
he
had
no
other
,
and
as
I
was
only
too
happy
to
go
,
I
got
his
consent
.
We
had
then
merely
to
dispose
of
Mr.
Vholes
.
“
Well
,
sir
,
”
said
Mr.
Jarndyce
,
“
Miss
Summerson
will
communicate
with
Mr.
Carstone
,
and
we
can
only
hope
that
his
position
may
be
yet
retrievable
.
You
will
allow
me
to
order
you
lunch
after
your
journey
,
sir
.
”
“
I
thank
you
,
Mr.
Jarndyce
,
”
said
Mr.
Vholes
,
putting
out
his
long
black
sleeve
,
to
check
the
ringing
of
the
bell
,
“
not
any
.
I
thank
you
,
no
,
not
a
morsel
.
My
digestion
is
much
impaired
,
and
I
am
but
a
poor
knife
and
fork
at
any
time
.
If
I
was
to
partake
of
solid
food
at
this
period
of
the
day
,
I
do
n't
know
what
the
consequences
might
be
.
Everything
having
been
openly
carried
on
,
sir
,
I
will
now
with
your
permission
take
my
leave
.
”
“
And
I
would
that
you
could
take
your
leave
,
and
we
could
all
take
our
leave
,
Mr.
Vholes
,
”
returned
my
guardian
,
bitterly
,
“
of
a
Cause
you
know
of
.
”
Mr.
Vholes
,
whose
black
dye
was
so
deep
from
head
to
foot
that
it
had
quite
steamed
before
the
fire
,
diffusing
a
very
unpleasant
perfume
.
made
a
short
one-sided
inclination
of
his
head
from
the
neck
,
and
slowly
shook
it
.
“
We
whose
ambition
it
is
to
be
looked
upon
in
the
light
of
respectable
practitioners
,
sir
,
can
but
put
our
shoulders
to
the
wheel
.
We
do
it
,
sir
.
At
least
,
I
do
it
myself
;
and
I
wish
to
think
well
of
my
professional
brethren
,
one
and
all
.
You
are
sensible
of
an
obligation
not
to
refer
to
me
,
miss
,
in
communicating
with
Mr.
C
?
”
I
said
I
would
be
careful
not
to
do
it
.
“
Just
so
,
miss.
Good
morning
.
Mr.
Jarndyce
,
good
morning
,
sir
.
”
Mr.
Vholes
put
his
dead
glove
,
which
scarcely
seemed
to
have
any
hand
in
it
,
on
my
fingers
,
and
then
on
my
guardian
's
fingers
,
and
took
his
long
thin
shadow
away
.
I
thought
of
it
on
the
outside
of
the
coach
,
passing
over
all
the
sunny
landscape
between
us
and
London
,
chilling
the
seed
in
the
ground
as
it
glided
along
.
Of
course
it
became
necessary
to
tell
Ada
where
I
was
going
,
and
why
I
was
going
;
and
of
course
she
was
anxious
and
distressed
.
But
she
was
too
true
to
Richard
to
say
anything
but
words
of
pity
and
words
of
excuse
;
and
in
a
more
loving
spirit
still
—
my
dear
,
devoted
girl
!
—
she
wrote
him
a
long
letter
,
of
which
I
took
charge
.
Charley
was
to
be
my
travelling
companion
,
though
I
am
sure
I
wanted
none
,
and
would
willingly
have
left
her
at
home
.
We
all
went
to
London
that
afternoon
,
and
finding
two
places
in
the
mail
,
secured
them
.
At
our
usual
bed-time
,
Charley
and
I
were
rolling
away
seaward
,
with
the
Kentish
letters
.
It
was
a
night
's
journey
in
those
coach
times
;
but
we
had
the
mail
to
ourselves
,
and
did
not
find
the
night
very
tedious
.
It
passed
with
me
as
I
suppose
it
would
with
most
people
under
such
circumstances
.
At
one
while
,
my
journey
looked
hopeful
,
and
at
another
hopeless
.
Now
I
thought
that
I
should
do
some
good
,
and
now
I
wondered
how
I
could
ever
have
supposed
so
.
Now
it
seemed
one
of
the
most
reasonable
things
in
the
world
that
I
should
have
come
,
and
now
one
of
the
most
unreasonable
.
In
what
state
I
should
find
Richard
,
what
I
should
say
to
him
,
and
what
he
would
say
to
me
,
occupied
my
mind
by
turns
with
these
two
states
of
feeling
;
and
the
wheels
seemed
to
play
one
tune
(
to
which
the
burden
of
my
guardian
's
letter
set
itself
)
over
and
over
again
all
night
.
At
last
we
came
into
the
narrow
streets
of
Deal
:
and
very
gloomy
they
were
,
upon
a
raw
misty
morning
.
The
long
flat
beach
,
with
its
little
irregular
houses
,
wooden
and
brick
,
and
its
litter
of
capstans
,
and
great
boats
,
and
sheds
,
and
bare
upright
poles
with
tackle
and
blocks
,
and
loose
gravelly
waste
places
overgrown
with
grass
and
weeds
,
wore
as
dull
an
appearance
as
any
place
I
ever
saw
.
The
sea
was
heaving
under
a
thick
white
fog
;
and
nothing
else
was
moving
but
a
few
early
ropemakers
,
who
,
with
the
yarn
twisted
round
their
bodies
,
looked
as
if
,
tired
of
their
present
state
of
existence
,
they
were
spinning
themselves
into
cordage
.
But
when
we
got
into
a
warm
room
in
an
excellent
hotel
,
and
sat
down
,
comfortably
washed
and
dressed
,
to
an
early
breakfast
(
for
it
was
too
late
to
think
of
going
to
bed
)
,
Deal
began
to
look
more
cheerful
.
Our
little
room
was
like
a
ship
's
cabin
,
and
that
delighted
Charley
very
much
.
Then
the
fog
began
to
rise
like
a
curtain
;
and
numbers
of
ships
,
that
we
had
had
no
idea
were
near
,
appeared
.
I
do
n't
know
how
many
sail
the
waiter
told
us
were
then
lying
in
the
Downs
.
Some
of
these
vessels
were
of
grand
size
:
one
was
a
large
Indiaman
,
just
come
home
:
and
when
the
sun
shone
through
the
clouds
,
making
silvery
pools
in
the
dark
sea
,
the
way
in
which
these
ships
brightened
,
and
shadowed
,
and
changed
,
amid
a
bustle
of
boats
putting
off
from
the
shore
to
them
and
from
them
to
the
shore
,
and
a
general
life
and
motion
in
themselves
and
everything
around
them
,
was
most
beautiful
.
The
large
Indiaman
was
our
great
attraction
,
because
she
had
come
into
the
Downs
in
the
night
.
She
was
surrounded
by
boats
;
and
we
said
how
glad
the
people
on
board
of
her
must
be
to
come
ashore
.
Charley
was
curious
,
too
,
about
the
voyage
,
and
about
the
heat
in
India
,
and
the
serpents
and
the
tigers
;
and
as
she
picked
up
such
information
much
faster
than
grammar
,
I
told
her
what
I
knew
on
those
points
.
I
told
her
,
too
,
how
people
in
such
voyages
were
sometimes
wrecked
and
cast
on
rocks
,
where
they
were
saved
by
the
intrepidity
and
humanity
of
one
man
.
And
Charley
asking
how
that
could
be
,
I
told
her
how
we
knew
at
home
of
such
a
case
.
I
had
thought
of
sending
Richard
a
note
,
saying
I
was
there
,
but
it
seemed
so
much
better
to
go
to
him
without
preparation
.
As
he
lived
in
barracks
I
was
a
little
doubtful
whether
this
was
feasible
,
but
we
went
out
to
reconnoitre
.
Peeping
in
at
the
gate
of
the
barrack
yard
,
we
found
everything
very
quiet
at
that
time
in
the
morning
;
and
I
asked
a
serjeant
standing
on
the
guardhouse-steps
,
where
he
lived
.
He
sent
a
man
before
to
show
me
,
who
went
up
some
bare
stairs
,
and
knocked
with
his
knuckles
at
a
door
,
and
left
us
.
“
Now
then
!
”
cried
Richard
,
from
within
.
So
I
left
Charley
in
the
little
passage
,
and
going
on
to
the
half-open
door
,
said
,
“
Can
I
come
in
,
Richard
.
It
's
only
Dame
Durden
.
”
He
was
writing
at
a
table
,
with
a
great
confusion
of
clothes
,
tin
cases
,
books
,
boots
,
brushes
,
and
portmanteaus
,
strewn
all
about
the
floor
.
He
was
only
half-dressed
—
in
plain
clothes
,
I
observed
,
not
in
uniform
—
and
his
hair
was
unbrushed
,
and
he
looked
as
wild
as
his
room
.
All
this
I
saw
after
he
had
heartily
welcomed
me
,
and
I
was
seated
near
him
,
for
he
started
upon
hearing
my
voice
and
caught
me
in
his
arms
in
a
moment
.
Dear
Richard
!
He
was
ever
the
same
to
me
.
Down
to
—
ah
,
poor
poor
fellow
!
—
to
the
end
,
he
never
received
me
but
with
something
of
his
old
merry
boyish
manner
.
“
Good
Heaven
,
my
dear
little
woman
,
”
said
he
,
“
how
do
you
come
here
.
Who
could
have
thought
of
seeing
you
!
Nothing
the
matter
?
Ada
is
well
?
”
“
Quite
well
.
Lovelier
than
ever
,
Richard
!
”
“
Ah
!
”
he
said
,
leaning
back
in
his
chair
.
“
My
poor
cousin
!
I
was
writing
to
you
,
Esther
.
”
So
worn
and
haggard
as
he
looked
,
even
in
the
fulness
of
his
handsome
youth
,
leaning
back
in
his
chair
,
and
crushing
the
closely
written
sheet
of
paper
in
his
hand
!
“
Have
you
been
at
the
trouble
of
writing
all
that
,
and
am
I
not
to
read
it
after
all
?
”
I
asked
.
“
Oh
my
dear
,
”
he
returned
,
with
a
hopeless
gesture
.
“
You
may
read
it
in
the
whole
room
.
It
is
all
over
here
.
”
I
mildly
entreated
him
not
to
be
despondent
.
I
told
him
that
I
had
heard
by
chance
of
his
being
in
difficulty
,
and
had
come
to
consult
with
him
what
could
best
be
done
.
“
Like
you
,
Esther
,
but
useless
,
and
so
not
like
you
!
”
said
he
with
a
melancholy
smile
.
“
I
am
away
on
leave
this
day
—
should
have
been
gone
in
another
hour
—
and
that
is
to
smooth
it
over
,
for
my
selling
out
.
Well
!
Let
bygones
be
bygones
.
So
this
calling
follows
the
rest
.
I
only
want
to
have
been
in
the
church
,
to
have
made
the
round
of
all
the
professions
.
”
“
Richard
,
”
I
urged
,
“
it
is
not
so
hopeless
as
that
?
”
“
Esther
,
”
he
returned
,
“
it
is
indeed
.
I
am
just
so
near
disgrace
as
that
those
who
are
put
in
authority
over
me
(
as
the
catechism
goes
)
would
far
rather
be
without
me
than
with
me
.
And
they
are
right
.
Apart
from
debts
and
duns
,
and
all
such
drawbacks
,
I
am
not
fit
even
for
this
employment
.
I
have
no
care
,
no
mind
,
no
heart
,
no
soul
,
but
for
one
thing
.
Why
,
if
this
bubble
had
n't
broken
now
,
”
he
said
,
tearing
the
letter
he
had
written
into
fragments
,
and
moodily
casting
them
away
,
by
driblets
,
“
how
could
I
have
gone
abroad
?
I
must
have
been
ordered
abroad
;
but
how
could
I
have
gone
.
How
could
I
,
with
my
experience
of
that
thing
,
trust
even
Vholes
unless
I
was
at
his
back
!
”
I
suppose
he
knew
by
my
face
what
I
was
about
to
say
,
but
he
caught
the
hand
I
had
laid
upon
his
arm
,
and
touched
my
own
lips
with
it
to
prevent
me
from
going
on
.
“
No
,
Dame
Durden
!
Two
subjects
I
forbid
—
must
forbid
.
The
first
is
John
Jarndyce
.
The
second
,
you
know
what
.
Call
it
madness
,
and
I
tell
you
I
ca
n't
help
it
now
,
and
ca
n't
be
sane
.
But
it
is
no
such
thing
;
it
is
the
one
object
I
have
to
pursue
.
It
is
a
pity
I
ever
was
prevailed
upon
to
turn
out
of
my
road
for
any
other
.
It
would
be
wisdom
to
abandon
it
now
,
after
all
the
time
,
anxiety
,
and
pains
I
have
bestowed
upon
it
!
O
yes
,
true
wisdom
.
It
would
be
very
agreeable
,
too
,
to
some
people
;
but
I
never
will
.
”
He
was
in
that
mood
in
which
I
thought
it
best
not
to
increase
his
determination
(
if
anything
could
increase
it
)
by
opposing
him
.
I
took
out
Ada
's
letter
,
and
put
it
in
his
hand
.
“
Am
I
to
read
it
now
?
”
he
asked
.
As
I
told
him
yes
,
he
laid
it
on
the
table
,
and
,
resting
his
head
upon
his
hand
,
began
.
He
had
not
read
far
,
when
he
rested
his
head
upon
his
two
hands
—
to
hide
his
face
from
me
.
In
a
little
while
he
rose
as
if
the
light
were
bad
,
and
went
to
the
window
.
He
finished
reading
it
there
,
with
his
back
towards
me
;
and
,
after
he
had
finished
and
had
folded
it
up
,
stood
there
for
some
minutes
with
the
letter
in
his
hand
.
When
he
came
back
to
his
chair
,
I
saw
tears
in
his
eyes
.
“
Of
course
,
Esther
,
you
know
what
she
says
here
?
”
He
spoke
in
a
softened
voice
,
and
kissed
the
letter
as
he
asked
me
.
“
Yes
,
Richard
.
”
“
Offers
me
,
”
he
went
on
,
tapping
his
foot
upon
the
floor
,
“
the
little
inheritance
she
is
certain
of
so
soon
—
just
as
little
and
as
much
as
I
have
wasted
—
and
begs
and
prays
me
to
take
it
,
set
myself
right
with
it
,
and
remain
in
the
service
.
”
“
I
know
your
welfare
to
be
the
dearest
wish
of
her
heart
,
”
said
I
.
“
And
O
,
my
dear
Richard
,
Ada
's
is
a
noble
heart
!
”
“
I
am
sure
it
is
.
I
—
I
wish
I
was
dead
!
”
He
went
back
to
the
window
,
and
laying
his
arm
across
it
,
leaned
his
head
down
on
his
arm
.
It
greatly
affected
me
to
see
him
so
;
but
I
hoped
he
might
become
more
yielding
,
and
I
remained
silent
.
My
experience
was
very
limited
;
I
was
not
at
all
prepared
for
his
rousing
himself
out
of
this
emotion
to
a
new
sense
of
injury
.
“
And
this
is
the
heart
that
the
same
John
Jarndyce
,
who
is
not
otherwise
to
be
mentioned
between
us
,
stepped
in
to
estrange
from
me
,
”
said
he
,
indignantly
.
“
And
the
dear
girl
makes
me
this
generous
offer
from
under
the
same
John
Jarndyce
's
roof
,
and
with
the
same
John
Jarndyce
's
gracious
consent
and
connivance
,
I
dare
say
,
as
a
new
means
of
buying
me
off
.
”
“
Richard
!
”
I
cried
out
,
rising
hastily
,
“
I
will
not
hear
you
say
such
shameful
words
!
”
I
was
very
angry
with
him
indeed
,
for
the
first
time
in
my
life
;
but
it
only
lasted
a
moment
.
When
I
saw
his
worn
young
face
looking
at
me
,
as
if
he
were
sorry
,
I
put
my
hand
on
his
shoulder
,
and
said
,
“
If
you
please
,
my
dear
Richard
,
do
not
speak
in
such
a
tone
to
me
.
Consider
!
”
He
blamed
himself
exceedingly
;
and
told
me
in
the
most
generous
manner
,
that
he
had
been
very
wrong
,
and
that
he
begged
my
pardon
a
thousand
times
.
At
that
I
laughed
,
but
trembled
a
little
too
,
for
I
was
rather
fluttered
after
being
so
fiery
.
“
To
accept
this
offer
,
my
dear
Esther
,
”
said
he
,
sitting
down
beside
me
,
and
resuming
our
conversation
,
—
“
once
more
,
pray
,
pray
forgive
me
;
I
am
deeply
grieved
—
to
accept
my
dearest
cousin
's
offer
is
,
I
need
not
say
,
impossible
.
Besides
,
I
have
letters
and
papers
that
I
could
show
you
,
which
would
convince
you
it
is
all
over
here
.
I
have
done
with
the
red
coat
,
believe
me
.
But
it
is
some
satisfaction
,
in
the
midst
of
my
troubles
and
perplexities
,
to
know
that
I
am
pressing
Ada
's
interests
in
pressing
my
own
.
Vholes
has
his
shoulder
to
the
wheel
,
and
he
cannot
help
urging
it
on
as
much
for
her
as
for
me
,
thank
God
!
”
His
sanguine
hopes
were
rising
within
him
,
and
lighting
up
his
features
,
but
they
made
his
face
more
sad
to
me
than
it
had
been
before
.
“
No
,
no
!
”
cried
Richard
,
exultingly
.
“
If
every
farthing
of
Ada
's
little
fortune
were
mine
,
no
part
of
it
should
be
spent
in
retaining
me
in
what
I
am
not
fit
for
,
can
take
no
interest
in
,
and
am
weary
of
.
It
should
be
devoted
to
what
promises
a
better
return
,
and
should
be
used
where
she
has
a
larger
stake
.
Do
n't
be
uneasy
for
me
!
I
shall
now
have
only
one
thing
on
my
mind
,
and
Vholes
and
I
will
work
it
.
I
shall
not
be
without
means
.
Free
of
my
commission
,
I
shall
be
able
to
compound
with
some
small
usurers
,
who
will
hear
of
nothing
but
their
bond
now
—
Vholes
says
so
.
I
should
have
a
balance
in
my
favor
any
way
,
but
that
will
swell
it
.
Come
,
come
!
You
shall
carry
a
letter
to
Ada
from
me
,
Esther
,
and
you
must
both
of
you
be
more
hopeful
of
me
,
and
not
believe
that
I
am
quite
cast
away
just
yet
,
my
dear
.
”
I
will
not
repeat
what
I
said
to
Richard
.
I
know
it
was
tiresome
,
and
nobody
is
to
suppose
for
a
moment
that
it
was
at
all
wise
.
It
only
came
from
my
heart
.
He
heard
it
patiently
and
feelingly
;
but
I
saw
that
on
the
two
subjects
he
had
reserved
,
it
was
at
present
hopeless
to
make
any
representation
to
him
.
I
saw
too
,
and
had
experienced
in
this
very
interview
,
the
sense
of
my
guardian
's
remark
that
it
was
even
more
mischievous
to
use
persuasion
with
him
than
to
leave
him
as
he
was
.
Therefore
I
was
driven
at
last
to
asking
Richard
if
he
would
mind
convincing
me
that
it
really
was
all
over
there
,
as
he
had
said
,
and
that
it
was
not
his
mere
impression
.
He
showed
me
without
hesitation
a
correspondence
making
it
quite
plain
that
his
retirement
was
arranged
.
I
found
,
from
what
he
told
me
,
that
Mr.
Vholes
had
copies
of
these
papers
,
and
had
been
in
consultation
with
him
throughout
.
Beyond
ascertaining
this
,
and
having
been
the
bearer
of
Ada
's
letter
,
and
being
(
as
I
was
