foundthat
his
father
gave
a
stern
refusal
to
the
colonel
's
request
.
Mr.
Beaumont
stated
that
he
had
already
paid
his
son
's
debts
so
often
,
and
had
so
many
drains
made
upon
him
by
his
other
children
,
that
he
was
resolved
not
to
encourage
the
colonel
's
extravagances
any
farther
.
The
letter
was
so
positively
worded
that
an
appeal
against
its
decision
was
evidently
hopeless
.
'
You
see
in
what
a
position
I
am
placed
,
'
continued
the
colonel
,
when
I
had
returned
the
letter
to
him
;
'
and
the
only
alternative
remaining
for
me
is
to
sell
my
commission
.
This
I
will
do
as
speedily
as
possible
;
and
until
that
object
can
be
accomplished
,
I
must
request
your
forbearance
.
'
Not
for
one
moment
did
I
hesitate
how
to
act
.
'
No
,
'
I
exclaimed
;
'
never
shall
it
be
said
that
I
was
the
cause
of
your
ruin
;
'
and
I
threw
the
note
of
hand
into
the
fire
.
—
He
watched
the
paper
until
it
was
completely
burnt
,
with
the
surprise
of
a
man
who
could
scarcely
believe
his
own
eyes
;
and
at
length
,
starting
up
,
he
embraced
me
as
fervently
as
if
I
had
just
saved
his
life
.
He
called
me
his
saviour
—
his
benefactor
,
and
swore
eternal
friendship
.
We
parted
;
and
next
day
he
appeared
on
parade
,
a
little
pale
,
but
in
better
spirits
than
ever
.
I
could
not
,
however
,
avoid
noticing
that
he
encountered
me
with
some
degree
of
coolness
and
reserve
,
and
that
his
manner
at
the
mess-table
in
the
evening
was
distant
and
constrained
towards
me
only
.
But
the
circumstance
made
little
impression
on
me
at
the
time
.
"
A
few
days
after
this
event
the
colonel
obtained
three
months
'
leave
of
absence
;
and
during
that
period
the
major
remained
in
command
.
He
was
a
severe
,
but
honourable
and
upright
man
;
and
he
intimated
his
desire
that
the
wine-parties
should
be
discontinued
.
Myself
and
the
other
officers
who
were
accustomed
to
play
,
took
the
hint
,
and
no
longer
assembled
for
gaming
purposes
in
our
rooms
;
but
we
had
supper-parties
at
one
of
the
principal
taverns
in
the
town
,
and
the
cards
and
dice
were
in
as
much
request
amongst
us
as
ever
.
"
At
the
expiration
of
the
three
months
the
colonel
returned
;
and
he
took
the
first
opportunity
of
signifying
his
approval
of
the
major
's
conduct
in
suppressing
the
wine-parties
.
This
was
,
however
,
mere
hypocrisy
on
his
part
,
and
because
he
did
not
dare
encourage
what
an
officer
so
near
his
own
rank
had
disapproved
of
.
His
manner
towards
myself
was
more
cold
and
distant
than
it
was
previously
to
his
departure
,
—
yet
not
so
pointed
in
its
frigidity
as
to
authorise
me
to
request
an
explanation
.
Besides
,
he
was
my
commanding
officer
,
and
could
treat
me
as
he
chose
,
short
of
proffering
a
direct
insult
.
"
Time
passed
very
rapidly
away
,
and
my
father
purchased
me
a
lieutenancy
in
the
same
regiment
,
a
vacancy
occurring
.
I
would
gladly
have
exchanged
into
another
corps
,
the
coldness
of
the
colonel
towards
me
being
a
source
of
much
mortification
and
annoyance
—
the
more
especially
as
it
was
so
little
deserved
on
my
part
.
I
however
rejoiced
at
my
promotion
,
and
submitted
so
resignedly
to
Beaumont
's
behaviour
that
he
never
had
an
opportunity
of
addressing
me
in
the
language
of
reprimand
.
"
I
was
now
nineteen
,
and
had
been
in
the
army
three
years
.
During
that
period
I
had
gambled
incessantly
,
but
with
such
success
that
I
more
than
doubled
my
income
by
means
of
cards
and
dice
.
I
was
completely
infatuated
with
play
,
and
looked
upon
it
alike
as
a
source
of
profit
and
recreation
.
About
this
time
I
formed
the
acquaintance
of
a
young
lady
,
whose
name
was
Julia
Vandeleur
.
She
resided
with
her
mother
,
who
was
a
widow
,
in
a
neat
little
dwelling
about
two
miles
from
Portsmouth
,
on
the
verge
of
South-sea
common
.
Her
deceased
husband
had
belonged
to
a
family
of
French
extraction
,
and
after
passing
the
greater
portion
of
his
life
in
a
government
office
,
had
died
suddenly
,
leaving
his
widow
,
however
,
in
comfortable
though
by
no
means
affluent
circumstances
.
Julia
,
at
the
time
when
I
was
first
introduced
to
her
at
a
small
party
given
by
the
principal
banker
of
Portsmouth
,
was
a
charming
girl
of
sixteen
.
Not
absolutely
beautiful
,
she
was
endowed
with
an
amiability
and
cheerfulness
of
disposition
which
,
combined
with
the
most
perfect
artlessness
and
with
a
rare
purity
of
soul
,
rendered
her
a
being
whom
it
was
impossible
to
see
without
admiring
.
Well
educated
,
accomplished
,
and
intelligent
,
she
was
the
pride
of
an
excellent
mother
,
whose
own
good
conduct
through
life
was
recompensed
by
the
irreproachable
behaviour
and
tender
affection
of
her
interesting
daughter
.
Need
I
say
that
I
was
almost
immediately
struck
by
the
appearance
and
manners
of
the
charming
Julia
Vandeleur
?
"
I
paid
her
a
great
deal
of
attention
that
evening
,
and
called
next
day
at
her
abode
.
To
be
brief
,
I
soon
became
a
constant
visitor
;
and
Mrs.
Vandeleur
did
not
discountenance
my
presence
.
Nor
did
her
daughter
manifest
any
repugnance
towards
me
.
The
influence
of
that
dear
creature
was
then
most
salutary
:
—
would
that
it
had
always
continued
so
!
For
one
year
I
never
touched
a
card
nor
die
,
all
my
leisure
time
being
passed
at
the
cottage
.
To
add
to
my
happiness
my
father
came
down
to
Portsmouth
to
see
me
:
he
took
apartments
for
a
few
weeks
at
the
George
Hotel
;
and
I
introduced
him
to
Mrs.
and
Miss
Vandeleur
.
Although
Julia
was
no
heiress
,
my
father
was
too
much
attached
to
me
to
throw
any
obstacle
in
the
way
of
my
suit
;
and
I
was
accepted
as
Miss
Vandeleur
's
intended
husband
.
Oh
!
what
joyous
days
were
those
—
days
of
the
most
pure
and
unadulterated
happiness
!
"
It
was
settled
that
my
father
should
purchase
me
a
captaincy
,
and
that
the
marriage
should
then
take
place
.
He
accordingly
returned
to
town
to
make
the
necessary
exertions
and
arrangements
for
my
promotion
;
and
it
was
during
his
absence
that
my
contemplated
union
reached
the
ears
of
Colonel
Beaumont
.
I
had
kept
my
attachment
and
my
engagement
an
entire
secret
from
my
brother
officers
,
because
I
did
not
wish
to
introduce
a
set
of
profligate
and
dissipated
men
to
the
innocent
girl
who
loved
me
,
nor
to
her
parent
whom
I
respected
.
But
that
secret
did
transpire
somehow
or
another
;
and
Beaumont
then
found
an
opportunity
of
venting
his
spite
upon
me
.
He
called
upon
Mrs.
Vandeleur
,
sought
a
private
interview
with
her
,
and
declared
that
his
conscience
would
not
permit
him
to
allow
her
to
bestow
her
daughter
,
without
due
warning
,
upon
a
confirmed
gamester
.
He
then
took
his
leave
,
having
produced
a
most
painful
impression
upon
the
mind
of
Mrs.
Vandeleur
.
She
did
not
,
however
,
immediately
speak
to
her
daughter
upon
the
subject
;
but
when
I
called
as
usual
in
the
evening
,
she
took
an
opportunity
to
confer
with
me
alone
.
She
then
calmly
and
sorrowfully
stated
the
particulars
of
the
colonel
's
visit
.
I
was
confounded
;
and
my
manner
confirmed
the
truth
of
his
accusation
.
Mrs.
Vandeleur
implored
me
to
urge
my
suit
with
her
daughter
no
farther
—
to
break
off
the
engagement
where
it
stood
—
and
urged
me
,
as
a
gentleman
,
to
release
Julia
from
her
promise
.
I
threw
myself
at
her
feet
—
confessed
that
I
had
been
addicted
to
play
—
but
swore
in
the
most
solemn
manner
that
for
a
year
past
I
had
renounced
the
abominable
vice
,
into
which
my
affection
for
her
daughter
would
never
permit
me
to
relapse
.
She
was
moved
by
my
sincerity
—
and
at
length
she
yielded
to
my
earnest
prayers
.
Oh
!
never
shall
I
forget
that
excellent
lady
's
words
on
this
occasion
.
'
William
,
'
she
said
,
'
I
will
give
you
my
daughter
.
But
remember
that
the
poor
widow
is
thereby
bestowing
upon
you
the
only
treasure
which
she
possesses
—
her
only
solace
—
her
only
consolation
;
and
if
you
deceive
her
by
rendering
that
dear
child
unhappy
,
you
will
break
the
heart
of
her
who
now
addresses
you
!
'
—
'
Oh
!
my
dear
madam
,
'
I
exclaimed
,
'
the
example
of
your
virtues
and
the
consciousness
of
possessing
Julia
's
love
will
make
me
all
that
you
can
desire
.
And
by
yon
pale
moon
I
swear
that
never
—
never
more
will
I
deserve
the
name
of
a
gambler
.
No
:
may
this
right
hand
wither
—
may
the
lightning
of
heaven
strike
it
—
if
it
ever
touch
cards
or
dice
again
!
'
—
Mrs.
Vandeleur
rebuked
me
for
the
words
I
used
;
but
the
sincerity
of
my
manner
completely
reassured
her
.
Julia
remained
in
ignorance
of
the
object
of
the
Colonel
's
visit
and
of
this
explanation
between
her
mother
and
myself
.
"
Colonel
Beaumont
speedily
found
that
his
malignant
officiousness
had
failed
to
produce
the
desired
aim
;
and
he
called
again
,
with
some
plausible
pretext
,
upon
the
widow
.
By
hypocritically
affecting
a
merely
conscientious
motive
in
having
acted
as
he
had
done
,
he
gleaned
from
her
the
pledges
I
had
made
and
the
satisfaction
with
which
she
had
received
them
.
That
same
afternoon
,
at
the
mess-table
,
his
manner
became
as
kind
and
courteous
towards
me
as
it
was
wont
to
be
when
I
first
joined
the
regiment
;
I
could
not
however
respond
with
any
congeniality
.
Still
he
did
not
seem
abashed
,
but
appeared
not
to
notice
my
disinclination
to
accept
his
advances
.
When
I
was
about
to
leave
the
table
,
for
the
purpose
of
repairing
to
the
abode
of
my
beloved
,
the
Colonel
said
,
'
Anderson
,
I
wish
to
speak
to
you
in
my
room
.
'
—
I
bowed
and
accompanied
him
thither
.
—
'
Let
us
forget
the
past
,
'
he
said
,
extending
his
hand
towards
me
,
'
and
be
friendly
as
we
were
wont
.
'
—
'
I
am
not
aware
,
sir
,
'
was
my
reply
,
'
that
I
ever
offended
you
.
'
—
'
No
;
but
you
humiliated
me
,
'
he
answered
,
with
a
singular
expression
of
countenance
;
'
and
that
,
to
a
military
man
and
a
superior
officer
,
was
most
galling
.
Circumstances
have
lately
changed
with
me
.
A
distant
relative
has
died
and
left
me
a
considerable
property
;
and
my
first
duty
is
to
pay
you
the
four
thousand
pounds
I
owe
you
.
'
—
'
That
debt
,
sir
,
'
said
I
,
'
has
been
cancelled
long
ago
.
'
—
'
You
generously
destroyed
the
proof
,
'
he
hastily
rejoined
;
'
but
the
obligation
never
could
be
annihilated
,
save
in
this
manner
:
'
and
he
handed
me
the
sum
which
he
had
formerly
owed
.
—
I
of
course
received
the
amount
,
and
my
opinion
of
him
grew
far
more
favourable
,
in
spite
of
his
attempt
to
ruin
me
with
Mrs.
Vandeleur
.
"
When
this
transaction
was
completed
,
the
Colonel
said
,
'
Anderson
,
we
are
now
quits
,
but
not
exactly
on
equal
terms
.
You
have
won
a
large
sum
from
me
;
and
though
a
settlement
has
been
delayed
,
still
that
sum
is
now
paid
.
As
a
gentleman
you
will
give
me
my
revenge
.
'
—
I
started
and
turned
pale
.
—
'
Of
course
you
cannot
refuse
to
allow
me
the
chance
of
recovering
myself
,
'
he
continued
,
calmly
producing
a
dice-box
.
—
'
I
dare
not
play
,
sir
,
'
I
exclaimed
,
my
breath
coming
thickly
.
—
'
Oh
!
as
a
gentleman
,
'
he
repeated
,
'
you
are
bound
to
do
so
.
'
—
'
I
have
sworn
a
solemn
oath
never
to
touch
cards
nor
dice
again
.
'
—
'
And
if
you
had
also
sworn
never
to
fight
a
duel
,
would
that
plea
justify
you
in
receiving
an
insult
unresented
,
in
the
eyes
of
honourable
men
?
'
he
demanded
.
—
'
Colonel
Beaumont
,
'
I
said
,
'
in
the
name
of
heaven
do
not
urge
me
to
break
that
solemn
vow
!
'
—
'
Will
you
compel
me
to
declare
that
oaths
are
sometimes
mere
matters
of
convenience
?
'
cried
the
colonel
:
'
will
you
force
me
to
express
my
conviction
that
Lieutenant
Anderson
will
enrich
himself
by
play
,
and
will
not
afford
the
loser
that
opportunity
of
revenge
which
all
honourable
men
concede
?
'
—
'
Take
back
your
money
,
sir
,
'
I
cried
,
dreadfully
agitated
;
'
and
permit
me
to
retire
.
'
—
'
Would
you
insult
me
by
restoring
money
that
I
owed
?
'
demanded
the
Colonel
.
—
'
Not
for
worlds
would
I
insult
you
,
sir
,
'
was
my
answer
:
'
but
do
not
force
me
to
violate
my
promise
to
Mrs.
Vandeleur
.
'
—
'
Oh
!
a
promise
made
to
a
lady
,
eh
?
'
he
exclaimed
.
'
I
thought
you
more
of
a
man
than
to
refuse
honourable
satisfaction
in
consequence
of
a
vow
pledged
under
the
influence
of
love
.
Come
,
Anderson
,
act
fairly
;
and
do
not
compel
me
to
explain
the
transaction
to
your
brother-officers
.
'
"
Oh
!
what
will
your
Highness
think
of
me
when
I
declare
that
I
was
alarmed
by
this
threat
,
and
that
I
yielded
to
the
colonel
's
urgent
solicitation
!
He
produced
wine
;
and
I
drank
deeply
to
drown
my
remorse
.
At
first
I
trembled
as
I
touched
the
dice-box
—
for
I
remembered
the
solemn
oath
pledged
only
a
few
days
previously
.
But
in
a
short
time
the
influence
of
the
liquor
and
the
excitement
of
play
stifled
all
compunction
;
and
I
once
more
devoted
myself
to
the
game
with
all
the
intense
interest
which
is
experienced
by
the
confirmed
gamester
.
Beaumont
was
cool
and
collected
:
I
was
nervous
and
irritable
.
Fortune
seemed
to
be
bent
upon
giving
him
the
revenge
which
he
had
solicited
.
I
lost
—
we
doubled
our
stakes
:
I
continued
to
lose
—
and
I
steeped
my
vexation
in
frequent
draughts
of
wine
.
In
three
hours
I
lost
back
again
the
whole
amount
he
had
paid
me
.
The
colonel
then
threw
down
the
box
,
and
said
,
'
I
am
satisfied
.
'
—
'
But
I
am
not
,
'
I
exclaimed
furiously
:
'
let
us
go
on
.
'
—
'
As
you
please
,
'
he
observed
calmly
;
and
,
maddened
with
drink
—
hurried
on
,
too
,
by
the
terrible
excitement
which
gamblers
alone
can
know
,
I
played
—
and
played
until
I
owed
the
colonel
two
thousand
three
hundred
pounds
.
Then
a
revulsion
of
feeling
took
place
;
and
I
cursed
my
folly
.
I
loathed
myself
:
intoxicated
as
I
was
,
I
felt
as
a
perjurer
should
feel
.
The
colonel
claimed
my
note
of
hand
;
and
I
gave
it
.
This
done
,
I
rushed
wildly
from
his
room
,
and
hastened
to
my
own
.
"
When
I
awoke
in
the
morning
,
I
could
scarcely
believe
that
the
scene
of
the
previous
night
had
really
occurred
.
It
seemed
to
me
as
if
I
were
standing
on
the
brink
of
a
dreadful
yawning
gulf
,
which
a
mist
hid
from
my
sight
,
but
which
I
nevertheless
knew
to
be
there
.
Then
that
mist
gradually
rolled
away
;
and
the
blackness
of
the
abyss
was
revealed
to
me
with
all
its
horrors
.
Terrible
were
my
feelings
.
But
I
was
compelled
to
reflect
upon
what
was
to
be
done
.
My
mind
was
soon
made
up
.
The
debt
must
be
paid
;
and
,
that
obligation
once
satisfied
,
I
would
never
touch
the
dice
again
!
Having
written
a
hurried
letter
to
Julia
,
stating
that
business
of
importance
suddenly
called
me
to
London
,
and
having
obtained
leave
of
absence
from
the
colonel
,
I
repaired
in
all
possible
haste
to
the
metropolis
.
But
my
father
,
to
whom
it
was
of
course
my
intention
to
apply
for
succour
,
had
left
town
that
very
morning
for
Portsmouth
;
and
we
had
therefore
crossed
each
other
on
the
way
.
An
idea
struck
me
:
—
could
I
not
borrow
the
money
I
required
without
being
compelled
to
reveal
the
truth
to
my
father
?
The
thought
pleased
me
—
and
I
even
felt
rejoiced
that
we
had
so
missed
each
other
.
Early
next
morning
I
obtained
the
two
thousand
three
hundred
pounds
of
one
Mr.
Goldshig
,
a
Jew
,
who
received
my
note
of
hand
for
three
thousand
in
return
,
with
the
understanding
that
he
would
continue
to
hold
it
so
long
as
I
paid
a
hundred
pounds
every
quarter
for
the
accommodation
—
such
payments
,
however
,
not
to
be
deducted
from
the
principal
,
but
to
be
regarded
simply
in
the
light
of
interest
.
"
Much
relieved
by
this
speedy
and
easily-effected
negotiation
,
I
returned
to
Portsmouth
,
where
I
arrived
at
about
nine
o'clock
in
the
evening
.
I
repaired
straight
to
the
George
Hotel
,
at
which
,
as
I
expected
,
my
father
had
put
up
.
But
he
was
not
within
;
and
I
accordingly
hastened
to
the
barracks
to
pay
the
money
to
Beaumont
.
The
Colonel
was
at
home
,
and
received
me
with
a
chilling
coldness
for
which
,
after
all
that
had
recently
passed
between
us
,
I
was
little
prepared
.
I
did
not
however
appear
to
notice
the
circumstance
;
but
tendered
him
the
amount
due
.
'
Oh
!
Mr.
Anderson
,
'
he
replied
,
'
the
debt
is
paid
.
'
—
'
Paid
!
'
I
exclaimed
,
greatly
surprised
at
this
announcement
.
—
'
Yes
,
'
he
said
:
'
it
was
settled
this
evening
,
about
two
hours
since
.
Your
father
called
on
me
,
and
redeemed
the
note
of
hand
.
'
—
'
My
father
!
'
cried
I
,
a
cold
chill
striking
to
my
heart
:
'
how
came
he
to
know
that
you
held
such
a
document
?
'
—
'
Really
,
Mr.
Anderson
,
I
have
no
time
to
converse
with
you
now
,
'
answered
the
Colonel
;
and
he
bowed
me
out
with
freezing
politeness
.
"
Strange
misgivings
now
oppressed
me
;
and
I
began
to
read
something
malignant
and
systematically
vindictive
in
the
conduct
of
the
Colonel
;
for
it
was
evident
that
he
must
have
mentioned
the
fact
of
possessing
my
note
of
hand
.
Dreadfully
agitated
,
I
returned
to
the
George
.
My
father
had
just
come
in
;
and
his
countenance
was
mournfully
severe
,
when
I
entered
his
presence
.
'
William
,
'
said
he
,
'
I
am
deceived
in
you
;
and
you
have
acted
in
a
manner
which
you
will
have
cause
to
rue
as
long
as
you
live
;
that
is
,
if
your
attachment
for
Miss
Vandeleur
be
truly
sincere
.
'
—
'
My
God
!
'
I
exclaimed
:
'
what
has
occurred
?
Does
Mrs.
Vandeleur
know
of
this
?
'
—
'
She
knows
all
;
and
she
not
only
sees
in
you
a
confirmed
gambler
,
but
a
wicked
perjurer
,
'
answered
my
father
.
'
Her
door
is
closed
against
you
for
ever
.
'
—
'
Oh
!
wretch
that
I
am
!
'
I
cried
,
beating
my
breast
in
despair
.
'
But
who
can
have
done
all
this
mischief
?
'
—
'
Colonel
Beaumont
called
this
morning
on
Mrs.
Vandeleur
,
and
insultingly
exhibited
your
note
of
hand
,
which
I
have
ere
now
redeemed
.
'
—
'
The
villain
!
'
I
exclaimed
,
rushing
towards
the
door
:
'
but
he
shall
pay
dearly
for
this
!
'
—
'
Stop
,
sir
,
I
command
you
,
'
cried
my
father
.
'
He
is
your
superior
officer
;
he
evidently
hates
you
;
and
,
were
you
to
challenge
him
,
he
would
ruin
you
.
No
:
that
is
not
the
course
to
pursue
.
I
have
purchased
you
a
Captain
's
commission
in
the
—
the
regiment
,
which
is
stationed
at
Chatham
;
and
you
have
also
three
months
'
leave
of
absence
.
Return
with
me
to
London
;
and
endeavour
by
your
future
conduct
to
atone
for
the
misdeeds
of
the
past
.
'
"
In
reply
to
my
hurried
and
anxious
questions
,
I
learnt
that
any
attempt
to
see
Julia
would
be
vain
,
and
could
have
no
other
result
than
to
irritate
Mrs.
Vandeleur
the
more
against
me
.
My
father
offered
me
some
consolation
by
the
assurance
that
if
I
conducted
myself
well
for
a
year
,
there
would
be
a
hope
of
reconciliation
with
the
incensed
lady
;
and
I
trusted
to
Julia
's
love
to
ensure
her
fidelity
.
Thus
,
partially
—
though
very
partially
—
relieved
from
the
intenseness
of
that
pain
which
now
pierced
to
my
very
soul
,
I
hastened
to
the
barracks
to
superintend
the
packing
up
of
my
things
,
and
to
take
leave
of
my
brother-officers
.
This
being
done
,
I
was
passing
out
of
the
barrack-yard
,
when
I
encountered
the
Colonel
.
The
light
of
the
lamp
fell
upon
his
countenance
,
which
expressed
fiend-like
satisfaction
and
triumph
.
Catching
me
by
the
arm
,
as
I
was
about
to
pass
him
in
silence
,
he
muttered
between
his
teeth
,
'
Anderson
,
I
am
avenged
.
You
humiliated
me
once
;
and
I
hate
you
for
it
!
Know
me
as
your
implacable
enemy
;
and
renounce
all
hope
of
your
Julia
—
for
she
shall
be
mine
!
'
"
He
then
hurried
away
.
I
was
so
stupefied
by
this
sudden
revelation
of
the
ferocious
and
most
unjust
enmity
of
this
bad
man
,
that
I
remained
rooted
as
it
were
to
the
spot
.
Never
was
there
such
ingratitude
!
But
his
threat
relative
to
Julia
,
—
oh
!
I
could
have
afforded
to
laugh
at
his
hatred
:
that
menace
,
however
,
rang
in
my
ears
like
a
deafening
bell
.
Mournfully
I
turned
away
,
and
hastened
back
to
the
inn
.
I
passed
a
sleepless
—
wretched
night
;
and
during
the
journey
to
town
,
scarcely
spoke
a
word
to
my
father
the
whole
way
.
"
The
money
that
I
had
borrowed
of
the
Jew
was
still
in
my
possession
;
and
I
resolved
to
lose
no
time
in
returning
it
.
Accordingly
,
the
very
next
day
after
my
arrival
in
London
,
I
set
out
on
my
way
to
his
abode
in
the
City
;
but
meeting
with
some
officers
of
my
acquaintance
,
I
agreed
to
dine
with
them
at
an
hotel
in
Bridge
Street
,
Blackfriars
.
In
fact
,
I
was
so
very
unhappy
that
I
was
glad
to
meet
with
such
society
;
and
I
thought
that
I
could
easily
postpone
my
visit
to
the
Jew
until
the
morrow
.
The
dinner
was
first-rate
—
the
wines
excellent
;
and
I
drank
copiously
to
drown
my
cares
.
Presently
some
one
proposed
cards
:
I
could
not
offer
any
objection
;
but
I
simply
stated
that
I
should
not
play
.
Cards
,
however
,
were
brought
;
and
écarté
was
the
game
.
I
sate
looking
on
.
In
the
course
of
half
an
hour
I
saw
a
most
favourable
opportunity
for
making
a
good
bet
;
and
,
with
the
most
wretched
sophistry
,
I
reasoned
to
myself
that
betting
and
playing
were
two
very
different
things
.
I
accordingly
offered
the
wager
,
and
won
it
.
Encouraged
by
this
success
,
I
bet
again
;
and
again
I
won
.
In
less
than
another
half
hour
I
had
pocketed
two
hundred
guineas
—
for
the
play
was
high
and
the
wagers
in
proportion
.
The
ice
was
,
alas
!
again
broken
;
and
it
did
not
require
much
persuasion
to
induce
me
to
take
a
hand
.
I
thought
of
Julia
—
sighed
and
hesitated
:
I
looked
again
at
the
cards
—
sighed
once
more
—
and
seized
them
with
that
desperate
feeling
which
we
experience
when
we
know
we
are
doing
wrong
.
To
be
brief
,
we
kept
up
the
play
until
three
o'clock
in
the
morning
;
and
I
not
only
lost
every
farthing
I
had
about
me
—
amounting
,
with
the
Jew
's
money
and
my
own
,
to
nearly
three
thousand
pounds
—
but
six
hundred
more
by
note
of
hand
.
It
was
understood
that
we
should
meet
again
on
the
following
evening
at
another
hotel
,
to
settle
accounts
;
and
I
returned
home
in
that
state
of
mind
which
suggests
suicide
!
"
Fortunately
my
father
did
not
know
at
what
hour
I
entered
;
and
he
therefore
suspected
nothing
.
After
breakfast
I
paid
a
visit
to
the
Jew
—
but
not
to
repay
him
his
money
.
My
object
was
to
borrow
more
,
which
he
willingly
lent
me
,
as
I
was
enabled
to
show
him
the
previous
evening
's
Gazette
in
which
my
promotion
by
purchase
was
recorded
.
I
borrowed
the
six
hundred
pounds
which
I
required
,
and
for
which
I
gave
a
bill
to
the
amount
of
a
thousand
.
At
the
appointed
hour
I
repaired
to
the
hotel
where
I
was
to
meet
my
friends
;
but
with
the
firm
resolution
of
not
yielding
to
any
inducement
to
play
.
How
vain
was
that
determination
!
cards
were
already
on
the
table
when
I
entered
,
for
I
came
somewhat
late
,
having
dined
with
my
father
before-hand
.
I
strove
hard
to
keep
my
vow
—
I
wrestled
powerfully
against
my
inclinations
;
but
a
glass
of
champagne
unsettled
me
—
and
I
fell
once
more
!
Another
late
sitting
at
the
card-table
—
another
severe
loss
—
another
visit
to
the
Jew
next
day
!
"
For
the
three
months
during
which
my
leave
of
absence
lasted
,
I
pursued
the
desperate
career
of
a
gamester
,
contriving
,
however
,
so
well
,
that
my
father
had
not
a
single
suspicion
of
the
fatal
truth
.
I
was
now
in
a
fearful
plight
,
—
owing
nearly
six
thousand
pounds
to
the
Jew
,
and
compelled
to
devote
nearly
every
pound
I
received
from
my
father
on
leaving
to
join
my
regiment
,
to
the
payment
of
the
interest
.
I
remained
for
about
ten
months
at
Chatham
,
and
still
continued
to
play
nightly
.
I
was
,
however
,
unsuccessful
,
and
quite
unable
to
keep
up
the
settlement
of
the
quarterly
amounts
of
interest
with
the
rapacious
Jew
.
What
aggravated
the
mental
anguish
which
I
endured
,
was
that
my
father
corresponded
with
Mrs.
Vandeleur
from
time
to
time
,
and
gave
her
the
most
favourable
accounts
of
me
.
Of
this
he
informed
me
in
his
letters
,
and
when
I
occasionally
repaired
to
town
to
pass
a
few
days
with
him
.
"
At
length
—
just
when
the
Jew
was
becoming
most
pressing
for
money
,
and
my
difficulties
were
closing
in
around
me
with
fearful
rapidity
—
I
one
day
received
a
summons
to
return
home
.
On
my
arrival
I
found
my
father
in
high
glee
;
and
,
after
tantalising
me
a
little
,
he
produced
a
letter
which
he
had
received
from
Mrs.
Vandeleur
.
That
excellent
lady
,
moved
by
my
father
's
representations
—
touched
by
the
drooping
condition
of
her
daughter
—
and
also
,
perhaps
,
anxious
to
relieve
Julia
from
the
persecutions
'
of
a
certain
Colonel
,
'
as
she
said
in
her
letter
,
'
who
annoyed
her
with
his
addresses
,
'
had
consented
to
our
union
.
I
was
overwhelmed
with
joy
:
all
my
cares
were
forgotten
—
my
difficulties
seemed
to
disappear
.
My
father
had
not
been
inactive
since
the
receipt
of
that
letter
.
He
had
obtained
six
months
'
leave
of
absence
for
me
,
and
had
hired
and
furnished
a
house
in
Russell
Square
for
the
reception
of
myself
and
Julia
.
Even
the
time
and
place
for
the
celebration
of
the
marriage
had
been
arranged
between
him
and
Mrs.
Vandeleur
.
The
ceremony
was
to
take
place
at
Portsmouth
on
the
ensuing
Monday
;
and
I
was
to
accompany
my
father
thither
two
days
previously
.
"
Much
as
I
longed
to
embrace
my
dear
Julia
,
I
was
not
sorry
to
be
allowed
a
few
hours
'
delay
in
London
;
for
I
felt
how
necessary
it
was
to
pacify
the
Jew
.
I
accordingly
called
upon
him
,
acquainted
him
with
my
approaching
marriage
,
and
stated
that
as
it
was
my
father
's
intention
to
transfer
to
my
name
a
considerable
sum
in
the
public
funds
,
the
monies
owing
should
be
paid
with
all
arrears
the
moment
that
transfer
took
place
.
Goldshig
seemed
quite
satisfied
;
and
I
took
leave
of
him
with
a
light
heart
.
But
as
I
was
issuing
from
his
dwelling
,
I
ran
against
Colonel
Beaumont
—
my
mortal
enemy
—
who
was
about
to
enter
the
house
.
He
started
and
was
evidently
much
surprised
:
I
was
both
surprised
and
annoyed
.
Convinced
,
however
,
that
this
meeting
was
a
mere
coincidence
,
and
that
his
presence
there
had
no
connexion
with
my
affairs
,
I
was
about
to
pass
on
with
silent
contempt
,
when
he
laid
his
hand
on
my
arm
—
as
he
had
done
at
the
barrack-gate
at
Portsmouth
thirteen
months
previously
—
and
said
,
'
You
think
you
will
yet
possess
Julia
:
you
are
mistaken
!
She
has
repulsed
me
—
but
you
know
that
I
can
avenge
an
insult
!
'
—
I
thrust
him
rudely
away
from
me
,
smiled
contemptuously
,
and
passed
on
.
"
This
circumstance
was
speedily
forgotten
by
me
amidst
the
bustle
and
excitement
of
the
preparations
for
my
marriage
;
and
never
did
I
feel
more
truly
happy
than
when
journeying
by
my
father
's
side
,
in
our
travelling-carriage
,
towards
the
place
where
my
beloved
Julia
dwelt
.
We
alighted
at
the
George
Hotel
at
about
five
o'clock
on
the
Saturday
evening
;
and
,
as
my
father
felt
fatigued
,
—
for
he
was
now
nearly
sixty-five
years
of
age
,
—
I
repaired
alone
to
the
cottage
near
South-sea
Common
.
I
shall
pass
over
the
joys
—
the
rapturous
joys
of
that
meeting
.
Julia
evidently
loved
me
more
than
ever
;
and
Mrs.
Vandeleur
received
me
in
a
manner
which
promised
an
oblivion
of
the
past
.
And
,
oh
!
when
I
contemplated
that
charming
girl
who
was
so
shortly
to
be
my
wife
,
—
and
when
I
listened
to
the
kind
language
of
her
excellent
mother
,
—
I
renewed
within
myself
,
but
in
terms
of
far
more
awful
solemnity
,
the
oath
which
I
had
once
before
taken
in
that
very
room
!
"
I
learnt
that
Colonel
Beaumont
had
,
as
Mrs.
Vandeleur
stated
in
her
letter
,
persecuted
my
Julia
with
his
addresses
,
and
implored
her
to
marry
him
.
But
her
heart
remained
faithful
to
me
,
although
circumstances
had
compelled
her
mother
to
explain
to
her
the
cause
of
our
separation
;
and
the
Colonel
was
summarily
refused
.
"
The
happy
morning
dawned
;
and
,
in
spite
of
the
Colonel
's
threats
,
Julia
and
I
were
united
at
St.
Peter
's
Church
,
Portsmouth
.
The
ceremony
was
as
private
as
possible
;
and
as
we
had
a
long
journey
before
us
,
the
breakfast
usually
given
on
such
occasions
was
dispensed
with
.
Accordingly
,
on
leaving
the
church
,
the
bridal
party
repaired
to
the
George
,
where
the
travelling-carriage
and
four
were
ready
for
starting
.
My
father
intended
to
remain
in
Portsmouth
for
a
few
days
,
for
the
benefit
of
the
sea-air
;
and
Mrs.
Vandeleur
was
to
visit
us
in
London
at
the
expiration
of
about
a
month
,
and
then
take
up
her
abode
with
us
in
Russell
Square
altogether
.
"
While
Julia
was
taking
leave
of
her
affectionate
parent
in
a
private
room
,
a
waiter
entered
the
apartment
where
I
and
my
father
were
conversing
together
,
and
informed
me
that
a
person
desired
to
speak
to
me
below
.
I
followed
the
waiter
to
a
parlour
on
the
ground-floor
;
and
there
—
to
my
ineffable
horror
—
I
found
Mr.
Goldshig
.
Two
suspicious-looking
men
were
standing
apart
in
a
corner
.
I
instantly
comprehended
the
truth
.
I
was
arrested
for
the
debt
owing
to
the
Jew
.
In
vain
did
I
attempt
to
expostulate
with
him
on
the
harshness
of
this
proceeding
.
'
You
know
very
well
,
'
said
he
,
'
that
you
and
your
wife
are
going
off
to
the
continent
,
and
I
might
have
whistled
for
my
money
if
I
had
not
done
this
.
In
fact
,
the
person
who
gave
me
the
information
,
strongly
urged
me
to
arrest
you
on
Saturday
evening
immediately
after
your
arrival
;
but
there
was
some
delay
in
getting
the
writ
.
However
,
you
are
safe
in
the
officer
's
hands
now
;
and
you
must
go
to
quod
if
your
father
do
n't
give
his
security
.
'
—
I
was
overwhelmed
by
this
sudden
disaster
;
and
I
vowed
vengeance
upon
Beaumont
,
whose
malignity
I
too
well
recognised
as
the
origin
of
my
present
predicament
.
There
was
no
alternative
but
to
send
for
my
father
.
His
sorrow
was
immense
;
and
he
assured
me
that
in
settling
the
debt
,
he
was
moved
only
by
consideration
for
the
feelings
of
my
bride
and
her
mother
,
whom
he
would
not
plunge
into
affliction
by
allowing
his
son
's
conduct
to
reach
their
ears
.
He
accordingly
gave
his
security
to
the
Jew
;
and
I
was
once
more
free
.
"
Let
me
pass
over
the
incidents
of
the
year
succeeding
my
marriage
,
and
the
close
of
which
saw
me
blessed
with
a
little
girl
.
During
those
twelve
months
my
behaviour
was
as
correct
as
it
ought
to
have
been
:
the
idea
of
gambling
was
loathsome
to
me
.
My
father
,
who
had
not
as
yet
transferred
a
single
shilling
to
my
name
in
the
Bank
,
but
who
had
allowed
me
a
handsome
monthly
income
,
now
experienced
confidence
in
my
steadiness
;
and
to
encourage
me
,
as
well
as
to
mark
his
approval
of
my
conduct
since
my
marriage
,
he
presented
me
with
twenty
thousand
pounds
the
day
after
the
birth
of
my
daughter
.
Poor
old
man
!
he
did
not
live
long
after
that
!
A
cold
which
he
caught
led
to
a
general
breaking
up
of
his
constitution
;
and
he
died
after
a
short
illness
.
But
on
his
death-bed
he
implored
me
not
to
relapse
into
those
evil
courses
which
had
originally
caused
so
much
misery
;
and
I
vowed
in
the
most
solemn
manner
—
by
all
I
deemed
sacred
,
and
as
I
valued
the
dying
blessing
of
my
kind
parent
—
to
follow
his
counsel
.
"
I
now
found
myself
the
possessor
of
a
fortune
amounting
in
ready
money
to
thirty-six
thousand
pounds
.
Mrs.
Vandeleur
resided
with
us
;
and
,
when
the
mournful
impression
created
by
my
father
's
death
became
softened
down
,
there
was
not
a
happier
family
in
the
universe
than
ours
.
My
Julia
was
all
that
I
had
anticipated
—
amiable
,
affectionate
,
and
as
faultless
as
a
wife
as
she
was
excellent
as
a
daughter
.
"
Four
years
rolled
away
from
the
date
of
my
father
's
death
;
and
not
once
during
that
period
did
I
touch
a
card
nor
even
behold
a
dice-box
.
I
had
purchased
a
Majority
,
and
remained
unattached
.
I
was
also
now
the
father
of
three
children
—
one
girl
and
two
boys
;
and
every
thing
seemed
to
contribute
to
my
felicity
.
We
had
a
select
circle
of
friends
—
real
friends
,
and
not
useless
acquaintances
;
and
our
domestic
economy
was
such
as
to
enable
us
to
live
considerably
within
our
income
.
"
Such
was
my
position
when
a
friend
one
day
proposed
that
I
should
become
a
member
of
a
Club
to
which
he
already
belonged
.
Mrs.
Vandeleur
and
Julia
,
seeing
that
I
was
very
much
at
home
,
thought
that
this
step
would
ensure
me
a
little
recreation
and
change
of
scene
,
and
therefore
advocated
the
propriety
of
accepting
the
offer
.
I
was
balloted
for
and
elected
.
My
friend
was
a
well-meaning
,
sincere
,
and
excellent
man
,
who
had
not
the
slightest
idea
of
placing
me
in
the
way
of
temptation
when
he
made
the
proposal
just
mentioned
.
Neither
had
my
mother-in-law
or
wife
the
least
suspicion
that
play
ever
took
place
at
a
Club
.
I
was
equally
ignorant
of
the
fact
until
I
became
initiated
;
and
then
I
perceived
the
precipice
on
which
I
had
suddenly
placed
myself
.
But
I
dared
not
make
any
observation
to
my
friend
on
the
subject
;
for
he
was
totally
unaware
that
gaming
had
ever
been
amongst
the
number
of
my
failings
.
To
be
brief
,
I
had
not
been
a
member
of
the
Club
six
weeks
,
when
I
was
one
evening
induced
to
sit
down
to
a
rubber
of
whist
with
three
staid
old
gentlemen
,
who
only
played
for
amusement
.
'
There
cannot
be
any
harm
in
doing
this
,
'
said
I
to
myself
;
'
because
no
money
is
staked
.
Moreover
,
even
if
there
were
,
I
have
now
acquired
such
control
over
myself
that
I
could
not
possibly
forget
my
solemn
vows
in
this
respect
.
'
—
Thus
endeavouring
to
soothe
my
conscience
—
for
I
knew
that
I
was
doing
wrong
,
but
would
not
admit
it
even
to
myself
—
I
sate
down
.
We
played
for
an
hour
,
at
the
expiration
of
which
one
gentleman
left
and
another
took
his
place
.
The
new-comer
proposed
shilling
points
,
'
just
to
render
the
game
interesting
.
'
The
other
two
gentlemen
agreed
:
I
could
not
possibly
—
at
least
,
I
thought
I
could
not
—
seem
so
churlish
or
so
mean
as
to
refuse
to
play
on
those
terms
.
"
Trifling
as
the
amount
either
to
be
won
or
lost
could
be
,
the
mere
fact
of
playing
for
money
aroused
within
me
that
unnatural
excitement
which
,
as
I
have
before
informed
your
Highness
,
is
alone
experienced
by
those
who
have
a
confirmed
predilection
for
gambling
.
And
I
now
discovered
—
when
it
was
too
late
—
that
this
predilection
on
my
part
had
only
been
lying
dormant
,
and
was
not
crushed
.
No
:
for
I
played
that
evening
with
a
zest
—
with
an
interest
—
with
a
real
love
,
which
superseded
all
other
considerations
;
and
I
did
not
return
home
until
a
late
hour
.
Next
day
I
was
ashamed
of
myself
—
I
was
vexed
at
my
weakness
—
I
trembled
lest
I
should
again
fall
.
For
a
fortnight
I
did
not
go
near
the
Club
:
but
at
the
expiration
of
that
period
,
a
dinner
took
place
to
celebrate
the
fourth
anniversary
of
the
foundation
of
the
establishment
,
and
I
found
it
difficult
to
excuse
myself
.
I
accordingly
went
;
and
in
the
evening
I
sate
down
to
a
rubber
of
whist
.
Afterwards
I
lounged
about
a
table
where
écarté
was
being
played
:
—
I
staked
some
money
—
won
—
and
fell
once
more
!
"
I
shall
not
linger
upon
details
.
The
current
of
my
fatal
predilection
—
dammed
up
for
five
years
and
a
half
—
had
now
broken
through
its
flood-gates
,
and
rushed
on
with
a
fury
rendered
more
violent
by
the
lengthened
accumulation
of
volume
and
power
.
Écarté
was
my
favourite
game
;
and
I
found
several
members
of
the
Club
willing
to
play
with
me
on
all
occasions
.
For
some
time
I
neither
gained
nor
lost
to
any
important
amount
;
but
one
evening
the
play
ran
high
,
and
—
hurried
along
by
that
singular
infatuation
which
prompts
the
gamester
to
exert
himself
to
recover
his
losses
—
I
staked
large
sums
.
Fortune
was
opposed
to
me
;
and
I
retired
a
loser
of
nearly
two
thousand
pounds
.
The
ice
being
once
more
completely
broken
,
I
plunged
headlong
into
the
fatal
vortex
;
and
my
peace
of
mind
was
gone
!
"
My
habits
became
entirely
changed
:
instead
of
passing
the
greater
portion
of
my
time
with
my
family
,
I
was
now
frequently
absent
for
the
entire
afternoon
and
the
best
part
of
the
night
.
Julia
's
cheek
grew
gradually
pale
;
her
manner
changed
from
artless
gaiety
to
pensive
melancholy
;
and
,
though
she
did
not
reproach
me
in
words
,
yet
her
glances
seemed
to
ask
wherefore
I
remained
away
from
her
!
Mrs.
Vandeleur
noticed
the
depressed
spirits
of
her
daughter
,
but
did
not
altogether
comprehend
the
reason
;
because
,
although
she
observed
that
I
was
out
a
great
deal
more
than
I
used
to
be
,
my
angel
of
a
wife
never
told
her
that
it
was
sometimes
two
,
three
,
or
even
four
in
the
morning
ere
I
returned
home
.
The
real
truth
could
not
,
however
,
remain
very
long
concealed
from
Mrs.
Vandeleur
.
She
began
to
be
uneasy
when
I
dined
at
the
Club
on
an
average
of
twice
a
week
:
when
this
number
was
doubled
and
I
devoted
four
days
to
the
Club
and
only
three
to
my
family
,
Mrs.
Vandeleur
asked
me
in
the
kindest
way
possible
if
my
home
were
not
comfortable
,
or
if
Julia
ceased
to
please
me
?
I
satisfied
her
as
well
as
I
could
;
and
in
a
short
time
I
began
to
devote
another
day
to
the
Club
,
and
only
two
to
Russell
Square
.
Paler
and
more
pale
grew
Julia
's
cheek
;
the
spirits
of
the
children
seemed
to
droop
sympathetically
;
and
Mrs.
Vandeleur
could
no
longer
conceal
her
uneasiness
.
She
accordingly
seized
an
opportunity
to
speak
to
me
in
private
;
and
she
said
,
'
William
,
for
God
's
sake
what
does
this
mean
?
You
are
killing
your
poor
uncomplaining
wife
by
inches
.
Either
you
love
another
—
or
you
gamble
!
If
it
be
the
latter
,
may
God
Almighty
have
pity
upon
my
daughter
!
'
—
And
the
excellent
lady
burst
into
tears
.
I
endeavoured
to
console
her
:
I
swore
that
her
suspicions
were
totally
unfounded
:
—
but
,
alas
!
no
change
in
my
behaviour
tended
to
corroborate
my
asseverations
.
"
I
persisted
in
my
fearful
course
;
and
,
as
if
I
were
not
already
surrounded
by
elements
of
ruin
sufficiently
powerful
,
I
became
a
member
of
Crockford
's
.
In
saying
that
,
I
mention
sufficient
to
convince
your
Highness
that
I
rushed
wilfully
and
blindly
on
to
the
goal
of
utter
destruction
.
My
fortune
disappeared
rapidly
;
and
when
it
was
gone
,
I
sold
my
commission
,
and
then
applied
to
Goldshig
,
who
lent
me
money
upon
the
most
exorbitant
terms
.
But
let
me
pass
over
the
incidents
of
three
years
.
At
the
expiration
of
that
time
how
was
I
situated
?
What
was
the
condition
of
my
family
?
Painful
as
these
reminiscences
are
,
I
will
not
conceal
the
facts
from
your
Highness
.
In
a
chamber
at
the
house
in
Russell
Square
Mrs.
Vandeleur
lay
upon
her
death-bed
.
Julia
—
pale
,
with
haggard
eyes
,
sunken
cheeks
,
and
appearance
so
care-worn
that
it
would
have
moved
even
the
heart
of
an
overseer
or
master
of
a
workhouse
,
—
Julia
hung
,
weeping
bitterly
,
over
the
pillow
.
In
the
nursery
,
a
servant
was
endeavouring
to
pacify
the
children
,
who
were
crying
because
they
knew
that
their
'
dear
grandmamma
,
'
was
very
,
very
ill.
In
the
kitchen
an
ill-looking
fellow
was
dozing
by
the
fire
:
—
he
was
a
bailiff
's
man
in
possession
—
for
there
was
an
execution
levied
on
my
property
.
And
I
—
where
was
I
?
Gone
to
solicit
Goldshig
the
Jew
for
a
few
days
'
grace
,
the
sale
having
been
advertised
to
take
place
next
morning
!
Thus
was
this
once
happy
home
now
invaded
by
misery
and
distress
:
—
thus
was
an
amiable
wife
plunged
into
sorrows
so
keen
,
woes
so
bitter
,
afflictions
so
appalling
,
that
it
was
no
wonder
if
her
charming
form
had
wasted
away
,
and
the
frightful
aspect
of
the
demon
of
despair
had
chased
the
roses
from
her
cheeks
;
—
and
thus
,
too
,
was
an
excellent
lady
dying
prematurely
with
that
worst
of
the
Destroyer
's
plagues
—
a
broken
heart
!
"
It
was
about
five
o'clock
in
the
evening
when
I
returned
,
after
vainly
waiting
six
hours
to
see
Goldshig
,
who
was
not
at
home
.
Wearied
and
anxious
,
I
left
a
note
for
him
at
his
office
,
and
retraced
my
miserable
way
to
Russell
Square
.
On
my
entrance
Julia
hastened
to
meet
me
,
for
she
had
heard
my
knock
.
'
What
tidings
?
'
she
inquired
in
a
rapid
tone
.
—
I
informed
her
of
what
I
had
done
.
Her
countenance
became
even
more
wretched
than
it
was
before
.
—
'
Oh
!
that
they
will
not
molest
my
dear
,
dear
mother
on
her
death-bed
!
'
she
shrieked
,
clasping
her
hands
franticly
together
.
I
turned
aside
,
and
shed
bitter
—
burning
tears
.
The
children
now
came
rushing
into
the
room
.
Alas
!
poor
innocents
,
they
knew
not
of
the
ruin
that
was
hanging
over
their
heads
;
and
when
they
took
my
hands
—
kissed
them
—
and
said
,
'
Oh
!
we
are
so
glad
that
dear
papa
has
come
home
!
'
—
I
thought
my
heart
would
break
.
My
God
!
my
God
!
had
all
the
misery
which
weighed
upon
our
house
been
caused
by
me
?
"
I
approached
my
wife
—
I
took
her
in
my
arms
—
I
murmured
,
as
I
kissed
her
pale
cheek
,
'
Can
you
—
can
you
forgive
me
?
'
—
'
Oh
!
have
I
ever
reproached
you
,
William
?
'
she
asked
,
endeavouring
to
smile
in
gratitude
for
my
caresses
.
—
'
No
:
never
,
never
,
poor
dear
afflicted
creature
!
'
I
exclaimed
wildly
;
'
and
it
is
your
resignation
,
your
goodness
which
makes
my
conduct
so
black
,
so
very
black
!
'
—
She
wound
her
arms
about
my
neck
,
and
said
in
her
soft
gentle
tone
,
'
Will
you
not
come
and
see
my
mother
?
'
—
I
started
back
in
horror
.
She
comprehended
me
,
and
observed
,
'
Do
not
fear
reproaches
:
but
come
with
me
,
I
conjure
you
!
'
—
I
took
the
hand
which
she
extended
to
me
:
holy
God
!
how
thin
that
hand
had
become
—
how
skeleton-like
had
grown
the
taper
fingers
.
Though
it
was
my
own
wife
's
hand
I
shuddered
at
the
touch
.
She
seemed
to
read
my
thoughts
;
for
she
pressed
my
hand
affectionately
,
and
then
wiped
away
her
tears
.
A
deep
sob
escaped
her
bosom
—
and
she
hurried
me
towards
the
sick-room
.
The
children
followed
us
without
opposition
on
their
mother
's
part
;
and
in
a
few
moments
the
mournful
group
approached
the
bed
of
death
.
I
had
not
seen
Mrs.
Vandeleur
for
nearly
a
week
;
and
I
was
shocked
—
oh
!
painfully
shocked
at
the
alteration
which
had
taken
place
in
her
.
From
a
fine
,
stout
,
handsome
,
healthy
woman
,
she
had
wasted
away
to
a
mere
shadow
:
—
Julia
was
a
shadow
herself
—
but
her
mother
seemed
to
be
the
shade
of
a
shadow
!
Merciful
heavens
!
and
all
this
had
been
wrought
by
me
!
"
Kneeling
by
the
side
of
the
bed
,
I
took
the
transparent
hand
that
the
dying
woman
tendered
me
,
and
pressed
it
to
my
lips
.
My
brain
seemed
to
whirl
;
and
all
became
confusion
and
bewilderment
around
me
.
I
remember
a
low
and
plaintive
voice
assuring
me
that
heaven
would
yet
forgive
me
the
broken
heart
of
the
mother
,
if
I
would
only
be
kind
to
the
daughter
:
—
I
have
a
faint
recollection
of
that
dying
voice
imploring
me
to
quit
my
evil
ways
,
for
the
sake
of
her
whom
I
had
sworn
to
love
and
protect
—
for
the
sake
of
the
children
who
were
sobbing
bitterly
close
by
;
—
and
methinks
that
I
reiterated
those
solemn
vows
of
repentance
which
I
had
before
so
often
uttered
—
but
to
break
!
Then
I
was
suddenly
aroused
from
a
sort
of
stupor
into
which
I
fell
—
kneeling
as
I
still
was
,
—
aroused
,
too
,
by
a
piercing
scream
.
Starting
up
,
I
caught
the
fainting
form
of
Julia
in
my
arms
;
—
and
a
glance
towards
the
bed
showed
me
that
her
mother
was
no
more
!
Her
prophetic
words
were
fulfilled
:
the
widow
,
who
gave
me
her
only
treasure
,
had
died
of
a
broken
heart
!
"
Heaven
only
knows
how
I
passed
the
wretched
night
that
followed
.
I
remember
that
the
dawn
of
a
cold
March
morning
,
accompanied
by
a
cheerless
drizzling
rain
,
found
me
pacing
the
parlour
in
a
despairing
manner
.
I
do
believe
I
was
half
mad
.
And
such
horrible
ideas
haunted
me
!
I
thought
of
killing
my
wife
and
children
,
and
then
blowing
out
my
own
brains
.
Then
I
resolved
to
fly
—
and
never
see
them
more
.
In
another
minute
I
wept
bitterly
when
I
asked
myself
,
'
But
what
would
become
of
them
?
'
I
writhed
in
mental
agony
,
as
I
found
no
response
to
this
question
;
and
when
I
pictured
to
myself
all
the
amiable
qualities
of
my
wife
—
her
gentleness
—
her
goodness
—
her
endearments
—
her
unimpaired
love
,
—
and
then
thought
of
the
little
innocents
with
their
winning
ways
,
their
little
tricks
,
their
pretty
sayings
,
and
their
cherub
countenances
,
—
—
Oh
!
God
,
no
words
can
explain
how
acute
my
sufferings
were
!
"
From
that
painful
reverie
I
was
aroused
by
a
loud
commanding
knock
at
the
front
door
.
There
was
an
ominous
insolence
in
that
knock
;
and
the
worst
fears
entered
my
mind
.
Alas
!
they
were
full
soon
confirmed
.
The
broker
made
his
appearance
,
accompanied
by
his
men
;
and
the
house
was
at
the
same
time
invaded
by
a
posse
of
Jews
—
the
usual
buyers
at
sales
effected
under
instructions
from
the
Sheriff
.
Hastening
the
burst
of
anguish
that
rose
to
my
lips
,
I
drew
the
broker
aside
,
acquainted
him
with
the
fact
of
my
mother-in-law
's
death
on
the
previous
evening
,
and
implored
his
forbearance
for
a
week
.
He
quietly
took
a
pinch
of
snuff
,
and
then
observed
that
he
was
not
the
master
—
that
he
had
no
power
to
interfere
—
that
the
advertisements
,
announcing
the
sale
,
had
appeared
in
the
papers
—
and
that
the
business
must
proceed
without
delay
!
Remonstrances
—
threats
—
prayers
were
all
useless
:
the
sale
commenced
;
—
and
I
was
forced
to
repair
to
my
wife
's
room
to
break
the
fatal
news
to
her
.
She
uttered
no
reproach
—
she
even
conquered
her
anguish
as
much
as
she
could
;
—
and
the
children
were
then
ordered
to
be
dressed
directly
.
Presently
Julia
inquired
in
a
meek
and
timid
tone
,
if
I
had
money
enough
to
buy
in
the
furniture
of
the
room
—
she
meant
where
her
mother
lay
.
I
answered
in
the
affirmative
;
but
it
was
only
to
console
her
—
for
I
had
not
a
guinea
—
nor
a
friend
!
In
a
state
of
distraction
I
returned
to
the
parlour
where
the
sale
was
in
progress
.
Merciful
heavens
!
foremost
of
the
buyers
was
Beaumont
—
my
mortal
enemy
—
bidding
for
the
most
costly
articles
that
were
put
up
.
In
a
moment
I
felt
as
if
I
could
fall
on
him
,
and
tear
him
to
pieces
.
He
saw
me
;
and
,
although
taking
no
apparent
notice
of
me
,
I
beheld
a
sardonic
smile
of
triumph
upon
his
lips
.
I
could
bear
no
more
:
reckless
of
all
—
of
every
thing
—
I
rushed
from
the
house
.
"
For
hours
and
hours
did
I
wander
about
like
a
maniac
—
walking
hastily
along
,
without
any
defined
object
—
and
not
even
observing
the
crowds
that
passed
me
.
Every
thing
was
confused
:
bells
seemed
to
be
ringing
in
my
very
brain
.
It
was
dark
when
I
thought
of
returning
home
;
and
then
I
felt
shocked
at
the
idea
of
having
deserted
my
poor
wife
and
helpless
children
at
such
a
time
.
My
ideas
were
now
more
collected
;
and
I
hastened
to
Russel
Square
.
All
was
quiet
in
the
house
:
but
they
were
evidently
still
there
—
for
a
faint
light
gleamed
through
one
of
the
shutters
.
I
knocked
with
trembling
hand
.
Tho
door
was
immediately
opened
—
by
Julia
.
'
Oh
!
thank
God
that
you
have
come
back
!
'
she
exclaimed
,
sinking
half-fainting
into
my
arms
:
'
you
know
not
what
horrible
fears
have
oppressed
me
!
'
—
I
embraced
her
tenderly
:
never
—
never
did
she
seem
more
dear
to
me
!
The
children
also
flocked
around
me
;
and
the
tender
word
'
Papa
!
'
wrung
from
me
a
flood
of
tears
,
which
relieved
me
.
I
then
made
certain
inquiries
,
and
learnt
the
most
heart-rending
particulars
.
Every
thing
was
sold
and
removed
—
even
to
the
children
's
little
beds
;
—
but
the
worst
of
all
was
that
the
corse
of
Julia
's
mother
lay
upon
the
floor
of
the
chamber
where
she
had
breathed
her
last
!
"
But
let
me
hurry
over
these
dreadful
details
.
A
few
trinkets
belonging
to
Julia
yet
remained
;
and
the
sale
of
those
ornaments
—
presents
made
to
her
by
me
in
happier
days
—
enabled
us
to
bury
her
mother
decently
,
and
to
remove
to
a
small
ready-furnished
lodging
.
Julia
supported
these
sad
afflictions
and
reverses
with
angelic
resignation
;
and
never
did
a
single
reproach
emanate
from
her
lips
.
Neither
did
she
neglect
the
children
:
on
the
contrary
,
her
attention
to
them
redoubled
,
now
that
she
had
no
longer
a
servant
to
aid
her
.
But
,
alas
!
her
strength
was
failing
visibly
:
her
constitution
was
undermined
by
misery
and
woe
!
And
still
it
seemed
,
much
though
we
had
already
suffered
,
as
if
our
sorrows
had
only
just
begun
.
For
,
a
few
weeks
after
the
sale
of
my
property
,
and
just
as
I
had
obtained
a
clerk
's
situation
in
a
mercantile
house
,
I
was
arrested
for
the
balance
of
the
debt
due
to
Goldshig
,
the
auction
not
having
produced
enough
to
liquidate
his
claims
.
This
blow
was
terrible
indeed
,
as
it
paralysed
all
my
energies
.
I
was
taken
to
Whitecross
Street
prison
,
the
only
prospect
of
obtaining
my
release
being
the
Insolvents
'
Court
.
I
was
accordingly
compelled
to
apply
to
a
philanthropic
association
to
advance
me
six
pounds
for
that
purpose
.
The
request
was
complied
with
;
my
wife
went
herself
to
receive
the
money
;
and
she
brought
it
to
me
in
the
prison
.
I
compelled
her
to
retain
a
sovereign
for
the
support
of
herself
and
children
;
and
I
managed
to
borrow
three
pounds
more
from
the
only
one
of
all
my
late
friends
who
would
even
read
a
letter
that
came
from
me
—
so
utterly
was
I
despised
by
them
all
!
"
And
now
—
will
it
be
believed
that
,
such
was
my
infatuation
in
respect
to
play
,
I
actually
gambled
with
my
fellow-prisoners
—
staking
the
money
that
had
been
obtained
with
so
much
difficulty
to
pay
a
lawyer
to
conduct
my
business
in
the
Insolvents
'
Court
!
Yes
—
while
my
poor
wife
was
sitting
up
nearly
all
night
to
earn
a
trifle
with
her
needle
or
in
painting
maps
,
—
while
my
children
were
dependent
for
their
daily
bread
upon
the
exertions
of
their
poor
dying
mother
,
—
I
—
wretch
that
I
was
—
lost
the
very
means
that
were
to
restore
me
to
them
!
When
the
money
had
all
disappeared
,
I
became
like
